I grew up in a small town in New Jersey, in a dysfunctional family environment. As I grew up, my response to the pain of that dysfunctional life was alcohol and drug addiction. I drank until the age of 30, with a litany of failures in my wake. When I stopped drinking at the suggestion of the state of New Jersey, I stayed sober, got married, started my own business, lived in the suburbs and seemed to be living the great American dream. The only problem was, that though I was sober, I was still doing things my own way. My wife left, I lost my business, but I didn’t go back to drinking, I went “forward” without knowing what that was to mean. For me it ultimately meant a deeper surrender, finding God in my life.
This led to seeking a deeper purpose in my life. So I joined a mission to the homeless in New York City and quickly was put into a leadership role. I had no idea what I was doing but I knew I was supposed to be there. I soon met my second wife and was determined to “do it right” this time. While my intentions were correct, I dragged all my dysfunction into this marriage.
When my marriage failed, I was fortunate to be in a position to receive help from various sources, help that transformed my life. This help was so effective, and touched me on such a deep level, especially the understanding of my own inborn traits and characteristics through temperament understanding, that my wife and I, with God’s help, were able to rescue our marriage. Based on that experience, I was inspired to go back to school, while I was in my forties, so I could learn how to give others the same kind of help my wife and I had received. I received my degree and licensing as a Licensed Pastoral Counselor in the late 90’s.
Over the years, I have counseled thousands of people. The “help” I shared with couples in crisis has now evolved into a repeatable Process that, when entered into with full commitment, can bring life transformation from the inside out that not only saves marriages, but changes lives for the better in all directions.
What I learned in developing and implementing the Process, was that sustainable change and growth depends on the changes you apply to your every-day life, relationships, and thought patterns. These changes stem from a deep inward change. They are not sustainable unless they are transformations that occur inwardly and are expressed outwardly.
This book summarizes the Process. It contains probing and powerful questions at the end of each chapter, questions designed to help you discover your own way forward. Whether you are struggling as an individual, in a relationship, or married, the Process will point you in the direction of seeking and receiving help as a lifestyle, not as a solution to a problem. It will illuminate the difference between destination orientation, and journey orientation, not only in your relationships but in all aspects of your life. It will show you how true Leadership starts in your own life and your own home, and is then translated out into your vocation and your community.
To help you relate while reading this book, there are several real-life testimonies interwoven throughout. Real life, real time stories reflecting the results of living the Process out in people’s lives, relationships, and businesses.
Finally, the Process itself is the embodiment of a lifestyle paradigm shift. A shift away from being reactionary in terms of the counseling experience; meaning waiting for things to break and then we attempt to fix them…to engaging in a process of perpetual transformation, growth and maturity through mentorship and accountability; anticipating problems just because that’s the nature of life, and engaging in a journey orientation that builds into itself, mechanisms, accountability and mentoring that equips you throughout the journey of life.
Bill Hoffman
Licensed Pastoral Counselor
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