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The Haunted Forest Tour

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L'offre prend fin le 16 décembre 2025 à 23 h 59, HP.
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The Haunted Forest Tour

Auteur(s): Jeff Strand, James A. Moore
Narrateur(s): Joe Hempel
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À propos de cet audio

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Haunted Forest Tour! Sit back, and enjoy a smooth ride in air-conditioned comfort as your heavily armored tram takes you through nature's most astonishing creation. The forest is packed to capacity with dangerous and terrifying creatures of all shapes, sizes, and hunger levels, and you'll get to observe these wonders in complete safety.

Howl with a werewolf! Gaze into the glowing eyes of a giant spider! Look right through a spooky ghost! See horrific monsters you couldn't even imagine, only inches away from you! Things with fangs, things with claws, things with dripping red jaws - you'll see them all!

Not thrilling enough? Well, it's Halloween, and so we're offering a very special tour through the Haunted Forest. The new route goes deeper into the woods than any civilians have ventured before, and you're guaranteed to get a good scare! Rest assured that every possible security precaution has been taken. The Haunted Forest Tour has a 100 percent safety record, and technical difficulties are unheard of. You will be in no danger whatsoever.

We promise.

©2007 James A. Moore and Jeff Strand (P)2018 Tantor Fantaisie noire Fantastique Fiction Effrayant Hanté Paranormal Horror Fiction Halloween Horror
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As long as you set your expectations realistically, this uproariously campy "creature feature" of a story would be a great way to spend a long drive or a boring night shift. Jeff Strand and James A. Moore aren't worthy of winning writing awards (I'm frankly shocked that Strand won a Hugo), but this gory Lovecraftian-Monster rollercoaster-ride is described nicely and informed by appropriately cartoonish characterization & dialogue. Watching ridiculously armed dipshits (grenades, gentlemen? Really!?!) get trapped by Demons "in the park" - as though in a parody of Spielberg's Dinosaur Movie - is a fun distraction.

I actually disagree with reviewers unhappy with the narration of this audiobook. They are correct that Joe Hempel lacks the emotiveness necessary to do this adrenaline-fuelled offering justice.. but setting playback speed at 1.20X made up for most of the timing and voice-acting deficiencies that also plague the recording - I strongly recommend this technique. It rendered the performance at least "average".

If you can get this ludicrous, graphic, 'Scooby-doo'-level-of-complexity "Horror" story as a 'Plus' selection.. you should do so. Just give in and resolve to feed your brain a little bit of junk food.
Should they ask for a Credit, however, you have better places to spend it than this 7/10-star recording.

A Ridiculously Silly - But Entertaining - Romp

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Narration was absolutely awful, come on man put a little bit of excitement in your voice. People being chased by ungodly creatures deserve to have an inflection in your voice.
Other than that the story is fantastic, fun ride. Fans of John dies at the end will enjoy this.

Great read

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I had a lot of fun. there were spots in the book that personally didn't work for me but I still had a lot of fun outside of those moments. lookin forward to the film!

creature feature galore

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It’s an okay read, as long as you ignore the way he treats every woman he’s writing about.

Definitly written by a man

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A fantastic read.
Rib butt, but have lacked any sense of actually having a linear story that makes sense. It was silly and fun and gory and over the top. Just showing sequence after sequence. The bad guy was also real silly again maybe feel like I was watching Jurassic park with that sense of danger and fantasy about people making the choice to mess with things they shouldn't. But overall, I probably regained again. It was really entertaining and if your fan of monsters, this is a book for you.

Like the Mist and jurassic park had a baby

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