Next week is the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US, never a favorite of mine. For an anorexic kid, it was a true nightmare. I always thought of it as “the great American eating holiday.” There was no escaping all that food, that I did not even like. Now it is more an ideological distaste as it celebrates a fictitious harmony of colonial and Indigenous people breaking bread together, hardly the history as I understand it. However, I am all about any celebration of gratitude, and I am certainly grateful to have food, certainly not to be taken for granted in these times.

A couple of weeks ago I had the good fortune to meet Trish McOrmond through a webinar I gave. Trish, a sociologist, trauma informed coach, mother and very wise woman, is of the Wahkotowin Cree Nation, Edmonton, Canada. She generously enlightened me about their Native attachment and parenting model, which unlike the dyadic one I am most familiar with, involves the collective. I was both humbled and fascinated.

We are privileged to welcome Trish today as our special guest. She mentioned that she taught her children to express themselves freely, and say it all provided it is true, kind and necessary.

Let’s all celebrate gratitude, whatever we might call it!

In today’s video we feature special guest Stephanie Simms.

I met Stephanie in Oxford in 2024, when she was on a panel where she described an experience of racial trauma. Her story moved me deeply and we made one of those instant connections. Stephanie is a veteran of 20 years in the US Air Force, where plenty of racial and gender related trauma occurs, and later had a stint in the US space program, NASA.

Stephanie, like me, has a story about the complex and the invaluable experience of forgiveness. As it happens, we welcome her just before the US observes Veterans Day.

Stephanie can be found at beyondsolace.com

Like many children of trauma and neglect, I searched for heroes and idealized others, someone to look up to and identify with. I was and to some extent still am, a hero worshipper of sorts. Certainly not as I was. As a young activist who always loved music, musical icons with social justice messages were high on my list. It is always a terrible blow to find out a hero, may in fact have feet of clay.

You have seen and heard in my blogs before, at least once, the powerful music of Buffy Saint Marie, icon of the Indigenous People of the North American continent. It was with great dismay that I discovered that perhaps this (to me) great musician, was not who she appeared to be.

That little journey is the subject of this week’s video.

This week's episode was recorded in Oxford, where I was attending and speaking at the Transform Trauma 2025 Conference.

In this episode, I reflect on a movie I watched on the plane. I describe to you the powerful discovery of a group of men in a truly bleak environment, that enabled a burst of joy and connection among them.

It is a worthy practice for survivors of trauma and neglect, who may not often experience either. Thank you for tolerating my jet lagged face, and the less than glamorous setting. Next time we will be back to "normal."

Have a good week!

This week we have a very special guest.

We are honored and privileged to welcome Mike Niconchuk.

I met Mike at the Boston Trauma Conference. I was so moved by his talks there that I invited him for an interview. Mike is a researcher, activist, author, hero and all around amazing human being.

I say hero because Mike works on the front lines, where raw trauma is happening live around him. Mike is also of a different generation than I. And his story about intergenerational transmission hails back to a different part of the world than mine. But I am also interested in all our commonalities.

Mike is also a founding member of the Salama Project, for those who may be as inspired as I am by him, and would like to know more or help:

https://salamaproject.com/

Everyone is talking about it, and it seems to be everywhere. I figure it is time for me to say at least a few words about AI. I admit I feel very mixed about it, but then that is true about so many relationships, people and things in this complicated world. My giving it a chance to show its merits is admittedly quite new. And my apprehensions about mechanization and de-personalization are quite old! It does appear to be here to stay, and it certainly is proliferating where I live.

The book I mention in the podcast is: Searches: Selfhood in the Digital Age (2025) by Vauhini Vara. I didn’t love the book, but it is written from a writer’s standpoint and was thought provoking.

I am madly preparing for the Transform Trauma Oxford 2025 Conference that is rapidly approaching. Hope to see you there!

I was about five when they came out with color TV’s. We did not have one, and continued to huddle around the grainy old black and white for a long time. But I remember our dentist, who was a family friend, would sometimes have us over for dinner with his family on a Sunday evening. All I remember about those visits, is gathering around their spectacular color TV to watch Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color.

I was enthralled by the intro’s. Vivid kaleidoscopic swirls of primary color, like a moving Jackson Pollack painting. I always loved color.

This week’s video explores how the neglect brain gets stuck in black and white. And what that has to do with the “three P’s”, helplessness and hopelessness. With the help of neuroscience we connect these dots.

In this episode we pay a brief visit to the big topic of regulation and its many meanings and manifestations, from "over-reacting" to getting somehow stuck in trauma states, and feeling baffled by seemingly senseless or erratic relationship patterns. So very much of it begins with early neglect. And although it may elicit shame and confusion, or great fatigue, it is not a "character flaw" or a "pathology," but one of the many unfortunate impacts of early neglect trauma. And it may take a lifetime to get as regulated as we would like. I know I am still trying!

As I mention in the podcast, many thanks to those of you who put your comments on the YouTube page. It is helpful to hear from you what "works" best, even if there is variation in what people want. It is helpful to hear them all. One person wrote about being interested in how to find the World Book Club. It is a very cool resource and concept, as well as an international community of readers. Look up BBC.com World Book Club, and you can find it.