In episode 3, we speak with Nikki, a young autistic woman, about her journey to self-discovery and acceptance. Nikki opens up about what it means to navigate life with a late autism diagnosis, the emotional challenges of masking, and the sense of validation she found in embracing her neurodivergent identity.

Together, Haje and Nikki discuss the complexities of growing up as an autistic woman, including the pressure to conform, the struggle to find an understanding therapist, and the alarming rates of abuse faced by autistic women. Nikki also shares practical advice on finding support and community, from connecting with other neurodivergent individuals to discovering safe spaces on social media.

This episode shines a light on autism as both a part of identity and a lens through which autistic individuals experience the world—a world often unprepared for them. Join us for an honest conversation that dives deep into resilience, community, and the power of self-acceptance.

Trigger Warning: Brief mentions of sexual violence statistics. Listen at your discretion.

Topics Covered:

• The journey to an autism diagnosis

• The importance of neurodivergent therapists

• Navigating stereotypes and gender biases in autism

• The challenges of masking and self-acceptance

• Finding community and connection within the neurodivergent world

• Insights into autism and abuse statistics

• Nikki’s reflections on identity, resilience, and belonging

Nikki Skara received her autism diagnosis in 2023 after a few years of research and speculation. Since then, she has made it her life's goal to promote acceptance and understanding for autistic people of all stripes. Nikki enjoys writing, songwriting, making video essays, gaming, cosplaying, and adding to her ever-increasing Lego collection.

She is a proud aunt to four naughty yet adorable cats.

Find her on YouTube under @itsnikkis, on TikTok on @nikkisingsandotherthings and Instagram under the same handle (@nikkisingsandotherthings).

About Nikki

Nikki Skara received her autism diagnosis in 2023 after a few years of research and speculation. Since then, she has made it her life's goal to promote acceptance and understanding for autistic people of all stripes. Nikki enjoys writing, songwriting, making video essays, gaming, cosplaying, and adding to her ever-increasing Lego collection.

She is a proud aunt to four naughty yet adorable cats.

Find her on YouTube under @itsnikkis, on TikTok on @nikkisingsandotherthings and Instagram under the same handle (@nikkisingsandotherthings).

In this episode of Autistic FM, Haje Kamps and Sofi Elkin delve into the complexities of communication in relationships, particularly for neurodivergent individuals. Sofi opens up about her journey toward discovering her neurodivergence in adulthood and how unmasking has profoundly affected her relationship dynamics. She discusses the process of realizing that both she and her partner had been masking their communication styles, leading to misunderstandings and frustration early on in their relationship. Over time, Sofi and her partner learned to communicate more authentically, understanding that as neurodivergent individuals, they would need to approach communication in ways that felt true to themselves rather than conforming to neurotypical norms.

A central theme of their conversation is learning to handle conflict and regulate emotions together. Sofi shares how, through couples therapy and continuous self-reflection, she and her partner developed tools to address conflict in a healthy way. They prioritize creating a safe emotional space for one another, which allows them to navigate difficult conversations without fear or resentment. Weekly check-ins have become a ritual where they openly discuss what went well or what could be improved, which helps reduce miscommunication and promotes empathy. By establishing these routines, Sofi emphasizes that she and her partner have strengthened their relationship and made conflict less daunting.

Sofi is an AuDHD content creator, online sex educator, and "jack of all trades" (master of few). She grew up in Costa Rica and is a "third culture child". Her neurodivergence went undiagnosed until adulthood, which led her to using her platform to spread awareness and advocate for other late or self-diagnosed ADHD and autistic folks.

You can find more of Sofi on Instagram (@SofiXElkin) and TikTok (@_Sofisticated)

In this episode of Autistic FM, host Haje Kamps interviews Bella, an autistic woman from San Francisco, who shares her life experiences from being diagnosed with autism at the age of four to managing life and healthcare as an adult.

Bella opens up about a difficult childhood, marked by an unsupportive family environment and instability. Despite these early challenges, she found a meaningful friendship that blossomed into an essential support system, particularly as she navigates adulthood and life as an autistic person. This friend has played a pivotal role, becoming her caregiver and helping her with emotional stability and daily management, underscoring the importance of trust and reliable support in the face of ongoing trauma.

Bella recounts the challenges of accessing proper medical care due to systemic issues within healthcare institutions. She highlights bureaucratic missteps, like losing her autism diagnosis records, which forced her to undergo repeated diagnoses. Bella describes feeling infantilized and dismissed by healthcare providers, who often fail to treat her as an adult and overlook her specific needs as an autistic person, such as avoiding phone communication. These challenges are not isolated but reflect broader flaws in the healthcare system that complicate care for neurodivergent individuals.

Bella has learned over time to advocate for her rights within the medical system, including the right to refuse certain treatments or medications. Her experiences underscore a growing awareness of her boundaries, a skill she encourages others to develop. However, she also faces ongoing struggles with asserting her “no” in a system that often disregards patient autonomy, highlighting a need for healthcare providers to better respect and understand autistic individuals’ communication preferences and autonomy.

Bella shares her experiences with ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy, which, in her case, involved forced “masking” to appear neurotypical. She describes the process as abusive and dehumanizing, echoing the broader autistic community’s criticism of ABA as a therapy that prioritizes compliance over well-being. This discussion underscores a need for autism-affirming care practices that respect autistic individuals’ natural behaviors rather than attempting to “normalize” them.

The theme of trust and unconditional care is woven throughout Bella’s narrative, particularly in her relationship with her caregiver, who has become a lifeline through various crises. Her caregiver’s consistent support, understanding of her needs, and advocacy in medical contexts exemplify how positive, trust-based relationships can empower autistic individuals to navigate complex challenges. This theme reinforces the importance of interpersonal relationships in autistic people’s lives, particularly when facing a medical system that frequently fails to meet their needs.

Bella is speaking with Autistic FM under a pseudonym.

Trigger warnings: This episode includes themes of child neglect, the abusive nature of 1990s ABA therapy, and a brief description of physical violence.

00:00 Introduction

00:19 Interview

01:06 A traumatic childhood

03:41 Navigating the medical system

06:22 Getting diagnosed - 3 times

06:45 Aside: DSM-V and the'levels' of autism

08:38 Losing more records

14:14 Aside: What's an AAC device?

17:04 Anxiety and the medical system

17:54 COVID-19 and autism

19:57 Involuntary holds (5150 and 5250)

22:51 Good healthcare experiences

25:45 Self advocacy

36:17 ABA Therapy

42:01 Diagnosing Autism today

44:49 Closing notes

47:38 Closing credits