Immigrant whānau across Aotearoa have frank conversations covering love, ancestry, home, food, expectation, and acceptance.

Conversations with My Immigrant Parents is a series that crosses language, generation, and expectation to bring you immigrant whānau having conversations they normally wouldn't.

Co-hosts and producers Saraid de Silva and Julie Zhu travelled Aotearoa, meeting families from 11 different countries, sitting in as they spoke to each other about love, disappointment, what home means to them, and where home really is.

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In Tūranganui-a-Kiwa, Tongan grandmother Liliani and her daughter Kesaia find that even though they talk every day on the phone (and have for 17 years), they have more in common than they thought.

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The views expressed in this episode are personal and do not reflect the opinions of the participants' employers.

When Liliani Waigth migrated to Aotearoa from Tonga as a 21-year-old in the 1970s, she had no idea it would be another 15 years before she went back.

"I hop out of the plane and it was freezing cold. Coming from a country that's so warm, coming over to New Zealand, it was foggy and I thought, 'Oh, my gosh, what am I doing over in this country over here.'"

Staying initially in Auckland where she had family, Liliani soon met her Pālagi husband and moved to the East Coast. She was one of the first Tongan migrants to settle in Gisborne, where there were only a handful of other Tongan families she knew of at the time.

Liliani had two daughters and two sons; her first daughter, however, passed away as a baby. Her daughter Kesaia now lives in Wellington and works as a principal research analyst of the Waitangi Tribunal for the Ministry of Justice. In her 60s now, and retired, Liliani talks with Kesaia on the phone every day, and has done so for the last 17 years.

Kesaia's dad passed away when she was 13, and Liliani largely raised her three kids as a single mother. Despite this, she had strong reservations when Kesaia fell pregnant with her first child while unmarried. Through this conversation, mother and daughter discuss how different expectations in the countries they were raised in have influenced their approaches to marriage and motherhood.

"My mother, she always talked to me about those kinds of things, you know? If I go with a boy or have a boyfriend, and you go and have... you know, have a baby or something like that, that is really-," starts Liliani.

Kesaia finishes her sentence: "Really bad. I don't think anybody here really cares that much. For me - because I left home at 17, there was no culture, there was no community to really disappoint. So I didn't sort of worry about that."

This episode covers expectations of Tongan women, grief, and how different generations perceive the notion of sacrifice, all with Kesaia's five-month-old Raita gurgling in the background.

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Joseph and Grace Trinidad talk about making their "own little Philippines" in the Hawke's Bay, why Filipinos love competition, and what it means to be both queer and Catholic in 2019.

Content warning: This episode also explores themes around mental health.

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Many New Zealanders may be surprised to learn of the large Filipino community in the Hawke's Bay. It's a well-organised and tightly-run ship, with elected presidents responsible for running events, including games for Easter, Valentine's Day pageants, Halloween festivities, and of course gathering together en masse to celebrate the birthdays of the many children and grandchildren across various families.

The Trinidads - made up of son Joseph, his sister Elyx, and their parents Grace and Jose - moved to Hawke's Bay 10 years ago, and are active members of the community. Jose was a farmer in the Philippines before selling his livestock to come and work in the New Zealand dairy industry. He worked as an 'Overseas Filipino Worker' for three years before he was able to bring the rest of his whānau over.

His son Joseph recalls the transition as a 13-year-old from the bustling Philippines to rural New Zealand: "It was cool to move to a different country. I can be a different personality and no one knows who I am. But the biggest change was we had such a busy life in the Philippines, where we'd go out every weekend, go to the city, go to the mall - we wouldn't come home until 9pm and here... everything closes at 5pm."

Joseph now lives in Wellington with his partner Max, and works in a call centre. He travelled back to Hawke's Bay to record this podcast with his mother. Grace was a professor in the Philippines, but struggled to find adequate teaching work here. She currently works at a pet-food packing factory.

In the episode, Grace and Joseph talk about Filipino accents, Joseph's coming-out experience, and sexuality and freedom in the Catholic Church.

"Remember when you were in the hospital, telling me that you are gay? What was the first thing I told you?" asks Grace.

"You don't care. And you already knew," replies Joseph.

"Even the wider Filipino community knows that I'm gay. And I don't know what they say behind closed doors, but they've always been nice to me."

Where to get help:

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