Hello and welcome to this episode. Some of you in Singapore will recall the recent incident of a local busker that had gained much fame performing in open public space. He seemed to be on his way to stardom, gathering a big fan crowd and lots of hype on social media before his ex-girlfriend alleged his past wrong doings. This ignited sudden cancellations of his busking performances, fierce online debates and defences from his family and eventually his image took a hit.Past romances, whether long dating period or short whirlwind courting, do impact all of us in one way or another. Some of the luckier ones end up married and remain married, while some of us may have bad experiences, scarring us for life.I had my first date at seventeen. He was one year my senior and at that time I had not cared much about how I looked. I didn’t know how to dress up, I felt I was a plain jane and hardly stood out in appearances. My mother bought my clothes and it was usually what she thought looked nice, cheap and good for her budget as we were from low income family that time. My hairstyle was the same as Aaron Kwok’s, one of the four heavenly kings from Hong Kong pop music scene, centre parting, short to the ears level and shaved with a slope on the back of my neck. I wore big plastic rimmed glasses, hardly the concept of beauty by today’s standards.I was weak in my Physics during my upper secondary school days and wanted to look for help with my Physics homework. As finances were very tight in my family, getting private tuition was not an option. Somehow I ended up befriending one senior who was good in Physics and was willing to help me. And it was through this senior, I met my first ex-boyfriend, who was also good in Physics. Those were the days before technology of handphones and I remember we had long telephone chats late into the night using our house phone. Phone calls on Physics homework soon became dominated with other conversation topics and playful teasings.It wasn’t long before the seniors graduated and being in different schools limited our interactions to only long telephone conversations in the night to share about what happened in the day. Thankfully I finished my Secondary school education with grades that allowed me to enter the same junior college. With that we were reunited in the same school and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was taken aback by the love interest from a guy, or even any guy, given my own self-image that time. So it was unsurprising that I agreed.With newfound freedom because I was now in junior college, hanging out together more often made me realised alot of differences we had. Fundamentally, my first ex-boyfriend had a different concept about money. His parents were not well-off, held low wage jobs and his dad was very old when they had children. But my boyfriend was blessed with a godfather that was quite well-off. His godfather owned a small store and the small business brought him a comfortable income. His godfather did not marry but had a sister with a condition that he had to take care of. Which was why his godfather had money to spare and dote on my first ex-boyfriend.My first ex-boyfriend would want the latest things in trend, be it Sega gaming machine or Nike Air basketball shoes that his favourite basketball player wore during the recent NBA games. All he had to do was ask for money from his godfather for his Nike shoes, his bag, his Sega gameset, whatever he wanted his godfather to sponsor and he was never disappointed him. To him money came so easily, he never bothered saving. He would just spend on things that made him happy. I remember I was envious but I never felt comfortable asking for money. Especially when I know my parents made very little and were often cash-strapped.In the first year I was dating my first ex-boyfriend, I often felt inadequate. He was a flirt, always comparing and measuring me against the other girls he knew around him. He would make remarks about how he cannot see my eyes because they are obstructed by my very thick glasses. He would comment about how his female ex-classmate’s breasts looked because she wore good maximiser bras, or I could look better if I applied makeup. I felt I was never pretty enough, never good enough in his eyes. He would cajole me into changing how I looked, because everything about me needed “improvement”. He would bring me to the optician so I could be prescribed contact lenses. He would say girls look better with long hair and psycho me to keep hair long. I remember a comment made by his best friend with whom sometimes we hang out together as a group of three. His best friend had told my ex-boyfriend if he doesn’t find me pretty, just breakup and find another new girlfriend that is prettier. The comment was very shocking to me because it made me feel like I was a commodity. Not happy, just change lah. There is no consideration for the bond in a relationship between two people, the feelings of the ...
