An Austrian manager’s team talk has made headlines this week and somehow the fact that he waving a dildo around in front of his players isn’t the most confusing detail about it…

Marcus, Jim, Andy and Vish log into UEFA.com (and quickly log back out again) before checking in with the best of the Prem action this weekend. Vish realises that the best manager for Cole Palmer is Neil Warnock, while Andy makes his defence of Pep Guardiola and Man City after further talk of their demise in midweek.

Plus, Mark Lawrenson is fuming and Phil Neville’s Portland Timbers have an unusual start to their season…

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Man City were so bad that they forced Marcus to do his best Graeme Souness impression… oh dear. Jim joins him to wonder when was the last time a British club gave such a poor performance in Europe.

Elsewhere, Liverpool and Aston Villa offered up the perfect tonic at Villa Park. But is it too early for Jim to sound the “title race is back on” alarm?

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Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete catch their breath after a chaotic night of European football which saw Bayern get past a spirited Celtic without even using Eric Dier or Vincent Kompany’s studded cowboy boots.

We also recap head loss deluxe across the rest of Europe, with awful diving and embarrassing tantrums aplenty. Elsewhere, a Liverpool fan opens the scoring at Everton’s new home - classic Everton - and we join Neymar’s campaign to ban artificial pitches. Plus, in disgraceful news, the FA has agreed to let Thomas Tuchel work from home. IN GERMANY. The game has definitively gone.

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Right, before we get onto another Juan Bernabe update, things really are starting to heat up in the battle for the Premier League’s European places.

From third down to seventh, it could be anyone’s game - so who do Marcus, Luke & Pete think are going to snatch those coveted four (maybe five) places come the end of the season?

But yes, Bernabe is back in the headlines once again. This time he’s said he plans to take Lazio president Claudio Lotito to court...

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Marcus, Luke and Pete dust themselves down and go again after Spurs and Man United played out a disappointing damp squib. Even the managers’ meagre war of words did little to tickle our fancy…

To be fair, the rest of the Premier League weekend did throw up some interesting stories as Newcastle graciously got battered by Man City once again and Fulham grabbed their first home win of 2025 with #FULFORCE. Plus, Arsenal have managed to solve their striker problem: just stick anyone up there.

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After the simply marvellous scenes at Goodison Park this week, some fun sponges had the audacity to say that the Everton players and fans went 'too far' with their celebrations.

Now, it's not the first time we've heard that in recent times. Myles Lewis-Skelly ruffled a few feathers after copying Erling Haaland's celebration, and Paul Scholes called Neal Maupay an "idiot" for copying James Maddison's darts celebration.

Marcus, Luke & Vish have their say on that, plus we find out their choice of Mario Kart characters.

It's not one to miss.

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On this lovely Valentine's Day, it’s important to focus all your love and attention on that Special One. So, with no English teams in European action last night, we kick off with more ridiculous antics from football’s favourite loverboy, José Mourinho.

Marcus, Luke, Vish and Jim then look ahead to a mid-table Mourinho Derby as Spurs’ perfectly stoppable force meet Man United’s eminently movable object. Elsewhere, Arsenal bring some striker-less vibes to Leicester, Man City face an onslaught from Newcastle’s big boys and we play out a Jack’s Encyclopaedia round for the ages.

Plus, ever wondered how Jason Tindall would fare in the Love Island villa? Well, wonder no longer.

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Don't pretend you don't want to see it. Everton vs Liverpool ended in complete carnage and Marcus and Jim loved every single second.

Still giddy from all the excitement, we credit the Everton fans for celebrating with the appropriate level of vigour, while also being thankful that VAR didn’t ruin it all. And despite all that, we still find time to credit Liverpool who now look unstoppable in the Premier League title race.

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