Managing anxious thoughts deserves special attention.

Anxious thoughts are one of the main drivers of insomnia.

It is common for anxious thoughts to ramp up as night approaches.

It is also common for them to surge again in the middle of the night.

For many people, one single thought can trigger a full-body alarm response.

And suddenly you are not just awake.

You are fighting.

You may feel like you are walking on eggshells in your own mind.

Because one wrong thought feels like it will set off an avalanche.

This is where a considerable amount of insomnia suffering comes from.

Not just the tiredness.

Not just the wakefulness.

But the way your mind interprets it.

And reacts to it.

Your relationship with your thoughts determines how much Dirty Pain (the emotional pain that we unwillingly amplify and feel during insomnia) you experience.

There are two main ways to work with anxious thoughts.

Both require mindfulness.

Because you have to notice what you are thinking to respond differently.

Enter Thought Challenging.

Thought challenging means you do three simple things.

You notice the thought.

You recognize that it might not be accurate.

You test it rather than automatically believing it.

This is especially useful when your mind is catastrophizing.

Because catastrophizing feels real.

Even when it is not.

Here is a classic insomnia thought.

“I won’t be able to get through tomorrow if I don’t sleep tonight.

A helpful challenge is not fake positivity.

It is a realistic perspective.

You can remind yourself of the times you slept badly and still got through the day.

You can remind yourself of the times tomorrow was not as bad as you predicted.

Here is another classic thought spiral.

“If I don’t sleep tonight, I won’t sleep tomorrow either.”

“Then it will keep getting worse.”

“Eventually, I will never sleep again.”

“And then I will fall apart.”

This thought feels intense.

But it is not grounded in reality.

When you challenge thoughts like this, you bring in what you already know.

Your body has a sleep drive.

It builds with wakefulness.

And it will force sleep to happen before you can go too long without it.

You also remind yourself that insomnia is miserable.

But it is not a death sentence.

And it is not proof that you are broken.

Thought challenging is how you interrupt the mental snowball before it becomes panic.

​

​

A simple thought-challenging process

You can do this quickly.

You do not need to journal for an hour.

You need to slow the spiral down enough to see clearly.

Start here:

What is happening right now.

Then ask this.

What story am I telling about what is happening right now.

Name the emotion.

Fear.

Frustration.

Dread.

Hopelessness.

Give it a number from 1 to 10.

This matters because it helps you notice shifts.

Now challenge the thought.

What are other explanations besides the worst one?

What would I say to a friend in this exact situation?

Is this thought entirely accurate based on what I know about sleep and insomnia?

How likely is the worst-case scenario, really?

If tomorrow is hard, what will I do to cope?

Then check again.

Do I feel any different?

Did the number shift at all?

Even a small shift matters.

Because it lowers the Sleep-Stopping Force.

​

​

The limitations of Thought-Challenging

Thought challenging is helpful.

But it is not the whole solution.

There are two reasons it often falls short.

First, thought challenging does not automatically undo...

{{ subscriber.first_name }},

Insomnia creates intense discomfort.

Fear.

Helplessness.

A sense of being trapped.

But…

Consistent good sleep comes from caring less about sleep.

That may sound impossible right now.

It may even sound threatening.

But it is learnable.

And it is one of the most powerful shifts you can make.

When you care less about how you sleep, your nervous system settles.

When your nervous system settles, sleep becomes possible again.

This is where mindful acceptance comes in.

What mindful acceptance actually is

Mindful acceptance is not passive.

And it is not giving up.

It is the skill of noticing what is happening in your experience and choosing not to fight it.

It is mindfulness plus acceptance.

Mindfulness means recognizing what is happening right now.

Thoughts.

Emotions.

Body sensations.

Acceptance means allowing those experiences to be present without struggling against them.

This matters because insomnia is fueled by resistance.

Resistance to being awake.

Resistance to discomfort.

Resistance to uncertainty.

The more you resist, the more your nervous system becomes activated.

An activated nervous system does not sleep.

When you stop fighting what you cannot control, the threat response begins to shut down.

That is not philosophical.

It is biological.

Clean pain vs Dirty pain

A useful way to understand this comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

It distinguishes between Clean Pain and Dirty Pain.

Clean pain is unavoidable.

Fatigue.

Frustration.

Disappointment.

Anxiety about the future.

These are part of being human.

Dirty pain is what we add on top.

Catastrophic thinking.

Self-criticism.

Endless mental replay.

Trying to force feelings to disappear.

Letting insomnia dominate your identity and choices.

Most of the suffering of insomnia is Dirty pain.

And Dirty pain is optional.

Mindful acceptance is how you reduce dirty pain.

The Tug of War exercise

One of the clearest ways to understand acceptance is through the tug-of-war metaphor.

Imagine you are in a tug-of-war with insomnia.

The insomnia monster is massive.

Strong. Relentless.

There is a deep pit between you.

You are gripping the rope with everything you have.

Pulling. Straining. Terrified of losing.

You believe that if you just pull hard enough, insomnia will disappear.

But the harder you pull, the harder it pulls back.

You are exhausted.

And still stuck.

This is what fighting insomnia feels like.

Now imagine something different.

Instead of pulling harder, you drop the rope.

The monster does not vanish.

But the struggle ends.

You are no longer at the edge of the pit.

You are no longer using all your energy to fight.

This is acceptance.

Not winning.

Not fixing.

But stepping out of the battle.

And when you do that, your nervous system finally has a chance to calm down.

Dropping the rope in practice

You can practice this any time.

During the day. At night.

When anxiety spikes. When frustration hits.

Pause.

Notice what is present.

A thought. A feeling. A body sensation.

Now notice how you are fighting it.

Tensing. Arguing. Trying to escape.

Then imagine the tug of war.

And imagine dropping the rope.

Let the sensation be there without trying to change it.

Breathe normally. Allow space.

You are not approving of...

If you are rebuilding normal sleep, one daytime habit matters more than most people realize.

It is not what you do in bed.

It is what you do before you ever get there.

Specifically, how you handle naps.

Preserving your sleep window by avoiding long naps is one of the simplest ways to support insomnia recovery.

Not because naps are bad.

But because naps weaken the two factors that actually make sleep happen.

Your sleep drive.

And your circadian rhythm.

When either one is reduced, falling asleep becomes harder.

When both are reduced, insomnia sticks around.

This is why the End Insomnia System encourages sleeping only within your Sleep Window at night whenever possible.

Not as a discipline.

Not as punishment.

But as a way to let biology do the heavy lifting.

Why naps interfere with nighttime sleep

When you nap, two things happen.

First, you reduce your sleep drive.

Sleep drive is the pressure to sleep that builds the longer you stay awake and active.

Every minute of daytime sleep releases some of that pressure.

Which means there is less left to help you at night.

Second, naps blur your circadian rhythm.

Your body learns when sleep belongs based on patterns.

Daytime sleep sends a mixed signal.

Nighttime sleep becomes less distinct.

Together, these effects undermine your Sleep Starting Force.

That is why naps often lead to:

Less sleepiness at bedtime.

More time awake in bed.

More frustration and doubt.

And more anxiety as the night goes on.

What to do instead

The simplest rule works best.

Avoid napping if you can.

That said, exhaustion happens.

If you truly cannot stay awake, a short nap is okay.

If you nap, keep it under 30 minutes.

Have it before 3 p.m.

Set an alarm so it does not drift longer.

If you lie down and do not fall asleep, that is still helpful.

Close your eyes.

Rest your body.

Let your nervous system settle.

Even quiet rest can restore energy without sabotaging the night ahead.

Easing into your Sleep Window at night

The hour before your sleep window matters.

But not in the way most insomnia advice frames it.

This is not about rituals.

And it is not about making sleep happen.

DO: Have a low-pressure wind-down

About 45 to 60 minutes before your sleep window, start slowing things down.

This is not a sleep effort.

It is simply a transition from day to night.

Choose something you enjoy for its own sake.

Reading.

Listening to music or a podcast.

Watching something familiar.

Spending time with others.

Doing something creative.

You can meditate if you like, as long as it is not an attempt to force sleep.

The goal is not perfect calm.

The goal is less stimulation and less rumination.

If anxiety shows up, that is normal.

Do not fight it.

Keep your attention on what you are doing.

Sleep does not require anxiety to disappear.

DON’T: Watch the clock

Once your wind-down begins, stop clock-watching.

Clock watching creates pressure.

Pressure creates threat.

Threat creates wakefulness.

When you stop tracking minutes, your body speaks more clearly.

You will notice sleepiness more naturally.

Yawning.

Heavy eyes.

Head nodding.

If you go to bed slightly before or after your sleep window, that is fine.

Flexibility is more sleep compatible than precision.

DON’T: Try to force sleep

If you are not sleepy at the start of your sleep window, do not force yourself to sleep.

Tired but wired is not sleepiness.

Sleepiness is biological.

You...

If you want to break out of insomnia, we need to start with something simple.

Not easy.

But simple.

You need to dial up the Sleep Starting Force.

This is not about forcing sleep.

This is about letting biology do its job.

​

The sleep starting force has two parts.

Your Sleep Drive.

And your Circadian Rhythm.

When these two are working with you, sleep has momentum.

When they are weak or disrupted, anxiety has more power.

So before anything else, we set the stage.

That is what a Sleep Window is for.

​

A Sleep Window is simply the time you allow for sleep.

It is not a trick.

It is not a punishment.

It is not a performance test.

It is a structure that helps your body build enough pressure to sleep naturally.

The key difference here is intention.

This is not a sleep effort.

This is a biological setup.

​​

The sleep window rests on three principles.

• Spend the right amount of time in bed.
• Get out of bed at about the same time every day.
• Avoid long naps.

That is it.

Everything else is detail.

​

Let’s start with time in bed.

This part matters more than most people realize.

Many people with insomnia spend too much time in bed.

They go to bed early.

They stay in bed late.

They hope extra opportunity will equal extra sleep.

It does not.

It weakens sleep drive.

It creates long stretches of wakefulness.

And it confirms the fear that sleep is broken.

​​

Your sleep drive only builds when you are awake and active.

If you are in bed longer than you need, you steal pressure from the next night.

Think of sleep drive like hunger.

If you snack all day, you are not hungry at dinner.

If you lie in bed for extra hours, your body is not hungry for sleep.

That makes falling asleep harder.

Not easier.

​​

The goal is to spend only as much time in bed as you actually need.

Not as much as you want.

Not as much as you wish you could get.

As much as your body realistically uses.

If you know how much you slept before insomnia, start there.

If you know how many hours give you decent energy most days, use that.

This window should feel sustainable.

Not extreme.

Not punishing.

​​

If you spend two extra hours in bed every night, you borrow two hours from your sleep drive.

That debt carries forward.

If instead you spend those hours awake, sleep pressure builds.

Even one extra hour of pressure can change everything.

​

You might feel more anxious at first.

That is normal.

And it is temporary.

If anxiety rises and sleep dips briefly, biology corrects it.

Sleep pressure grows.

And pressure eventually overrides anxiety.

​

Now let’s talk about timing.

Getting out of bed at the same time each day anchors your circadian rhythm.

Your body loves predictability.

When wake time is consistent, sleepiness becomes predictable too.

This helps sleep arrive more easily at night.

It also protects your sleep drive from leaking away in the morning.

​​

Pick a wake time that fits your life.

Use an alarm.

Get up when it goes off.

Try not to vary more than about thirty minutes.

Yes, even on weekends when possible.

This is an investment.

Circadian rhythm adjusts over weeks, not nights.

​

If you wake up before your window ends, you have options.

• You can stay in bed and see if sleep returns.
• You can get up if lying there feels unbearable.

Neither choice breaks the system.

What matters is consistency over time.

​

Now let’s address...

If you are starting a real insomnia recovery path, there is one thing you need to know upfront.

You did not get stuck in insomnia overnight.

So you are not going to get out of it overnight either.

That is not pessimism.

That is how the nervous system works.

Insomnia usually builds in layers.

First comes a stretch of poor sleep.

Then comes worry about what that means.

Then comes more effort to fix it.

Then comes more pressure.

Then comes more hyperarousal.

Night after night, your brain learns a new association.

Bed starts to feel like a threat.

Wakefulness starts to feel dangerous.

That loop gets reinforced over time.

So the recovery loop has to be reinforced over time, too.

Here is what this process requires.

Patience.

Persistence.

Willingness to feel some discomfort without scrambling to erase it.

A long-term mindset.

It also asks you to learn the difference between control and surrender.

You can influence sleep in the long run.

You cannot force sleep tonight.

That distinction is the heart of recovery.

This is not as easy as taking a pill.

But it is far more effective.

And far more empowering.

If you are already suffering from insomnia, that tradeoff is worth it.

​

​

You are probably wondering about a timeline.

That is completely normal.

Many people say something like this:

If I knew this would be gone in six months, I could relax.

I get it.

But there is no guaranteed timeline.

The pace varies from person to person.

Some people feel relief quickly (in as little as 8 weeks inside our program).

Often it comes from finally understanding what is happening.

Often it comes from stopping the worst sleep efforts.

Often it comes from feeling less alone and less broken.

Lasting change usually takes longer.

For many people, it takes a few months of consistent practice to feel a durable shift.

For people who have had insomnia for years and decades, it can take longer.

For people whose insomnia feels traumatic, it can take longer.

None of that means you are doing it wrong.

It just means your nervous system needs more repetitions to feel safe again.

​

​

Trying to predict the timeline often slows the timeline.

When you monitor progress too tightly, you create pressure.

Pressure creates anxiety.

Anxiety keeps the Sleep-Stopping Force high.

So the best practice is to loosen your grip on the calendar.

Make your intention to take it one day at a time.

Keep showing up.

Let the system work layer by layer.

​

​

Before you go further, we need to clear out two fear stories that keep insomnia alive.

Fear story number one.

I need eight hours.

You do not.

Human sleep needs vary widely.

Some people naturally need less than eight hours.

Some need more.

Most fall somewhere in the middle.

If you chase an arbitrary number, you create a trap.

You spend extra time in bed trying to force sleep.

You lie awake.

You start doubting your body.

You get more anxious.

Then insomnia deepens.

If your natural sleep need is lower, nothing is wrong with you.

You are not broken.

You are not failing.

You are just built that way.

A better standard is simple and practical.

How many hours leave you reasonably refreshed in the morning?

How many hours give you decent energy for most of the day?

That is your real sleep need.

Also remember this:

Normal sleepers do not feel amazing every single moment.

They wake up groggy...

If you’re like many people struggling with insomnia, you’ve probably heard of CBT-i.

Maybe you even tried it.

Or maybe you’ve been told it’s your best shot at fixing your sleep.

CBT-i (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia) is often called the "gold standard" treatment.

And while it does help some people, many fall through the cracks.

Maybe you did too.

Let’s talk about why that happens.

And how the End Insomnia System takes a very different approach—one that works for people who feel like they’ve tried everything else.

—

Why CBT-i Doesn’t Work for Everyone

CBT-i has four main components:

1. Sleep education
2. Cognitive restructuring (aka thought challenging)
3. Relaxation training
4. Behavioral interventions like sleep restriction and stimulus control

Let’s break each one down.

—

1. Sleep Education

CBT-i aims to correct misconceptions about sleep.

This is helpful.

When you don’t understand why you can’t sleep, you get anxious.

And anxiety—as you know—is the thing that keeps you up.

So sleep education matters.

But here’s the problem:

CBT-i often includes a checklist of "sleep hygiene" tips.

Like:

• Make your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet
• Avoid blue light and caffeine
• Follow a bedtime routine
• Get morning light

These are reasonable suggestions.

But for people with insomnia, they quickly become Sleep Efforts.

You cling to them.

You try to do everything "right."

And when you still can’t sleep?

You feel even more broken.

The End Insomnia System takes a different view.

Yes, we teach how sleep works.

Yes, we support gentle sleep hygiene.

But we help you approach it flexibly.

No checklist.

No pressure.

And most importantly?

We focus on the real root of the problem:

Sleep anxiety.

—

2. Thought Challenging (Cognitive Restructuring)

CBT-i encourages you to identify your anxious thoughts and replace them with more accurate ones.

This can be helpful sometimes.

But there are two big issues:

First: Thought challenging can become a sleep effort.

If you’re lying in bed frantically trying to challenge every thought so you can relax and sleep, you’re back in the performance trap.

Second: Some thoughts are true.

You’re tired.

You might feel terrible tomorrow.

That’s valid.

And arguing with reality just makes you feel more stuck.

The End Insomnia System gives you a better way.

We don’t fight thoughts.

We teach you to relate to them differently.

To notice them.

To stop fueling them.

To stop reacting like they’re emergencies.

And we help you build real confidence, so those thoughts lose their power.

—

3. Relaxation Training

Some CBT-i therapists teach breathing techniques, muscle relaxation, or meditation.

These tools can be great—if you know how to use them.

But if you use them to make yourself sleep, they become sleep efforts.

Then you get frustrated when they "don’t work."

The End Insomnia System teaches nervous system regulation, too.

But we’re clear about the goal:

Not to make sleep happen.

But to build resilience.

To train your system to stop overreacting to nighttime wakefulness.

It’s not about short-term tricks.

It’s about long-term transformation.

—

4. Sleep Restriction & Stimulus Control

These are the most intense parts of CBT-i.

Sleep restriction means limiting your time in...

If you’ve ever thought:

“I did all the right things and I still couldn’t sleep…”

You’re not alone.

And you’re not doing anything wrong.

The truth is, most of the things people try to fix their sleep are sleep efforts in disguise.

And that’s why they don’t work.

Even worse?

They often backfire.

⸻

Let’s Look at a Few

1. Spending more time in bed

You’re exhausted.

So you get in bed early, hoping to squeeze in a little more rest.

Or you stay in bed longer in the morning to “make up for it.”

But that extra time in bed reduces your sleep drive.

Which makes you less sleepy the next night.

Which means you’re more likely to lie awake again.

2. Sleeping pills, cannabis, or alcohol

They might help you knock out short term.

But they mess with the natural architecture of sleep.

You don’t wake up feeling restored.

You just feel groggy.

And over time, they stop working as well.

You build a tolerance.

And worse, you start to believe you can’t sleep without them.

Which makes you even more anxious if you forget your pill or run out.

That belief is part of what’s keeping you stuck.

3. Nighttime relaxation exercises

Breathwork.

Meditation.

Visualizations.

These techniques can be helpful for many things.

But if you’re doing them to make sleep happen…

They become performance-based efforts.

You lie there thinking:

“Am I calm yet?”

“Why isn’t this working?”

And now the pressure is even higher.

4. Controlling your thoughts

Maybe you try to chase away every anxious thought.

Or you’ve learned to “challenge” them with logic.

That’s helpful during the day.

But at night, if your goal is to silence your thoughts so you can sleep…

That’s another effort.

And it puts you right back in the loop:

You think → You react → You analyze → You can’t sleep → You panic.

⸻

Now Let’s Talk About the Daytime

Sleep efforts don’t stop at night.

They often show up all day long.

Like:

• Taking hot baths at exactly the “right” time

• Avoiding blue light like it’s poison

• Drinking sleepytime teas

• Rigging your bedroom with blackout curtains and sound machines

• Exercising solely to “wear yourself out”

• Avoiding caffeine, people, plans, fun

All of these actions reinforce one idea:

Sleep is fragile.

And the more fragile you believe sleep is, the more anxious you become.

And the more anxious you become, the more your nervous system gets in the way.

That’s the Sleep-Stopping Force (i.e., sleep anxiety and hyperarousal) at work.

⸻

What About Screens?

There’s truth to the idea that blue light can slightly delay your body clock.

But people with healthy sleep still scroll before bed and sleep fine.

A 2014 study found that using an iPad for 4 hours before bed only delayed sleep by 10 minutes.

That’s not what’s keeping you up all night.

The root issue isn’t blue light.

It’s hyperarousal.

It’s sleep anxiety.

It’s your nervous system saying:

“Sleep isn’t safe.”

⸻

Micromanaging Bedroom Conditions

It’s natural to want a peaceful sleep space.

But when you believe your room has to be perfect—silent, cold, pitch black—just for sleep to happen…

You become dependent on your environment.

And once again, the message your brain receives is:

“Sleep is fragile. Dangerous,...

If you’re like most people with chronic insomnia, you’ve probably tried a lot of things to fix it.

• Pills
• Relaxation exercises
• Strict wind-down routines
• Endless adjustments to your bedroom setup

But despite your best efforts, you still can’t sleep.

That’s not your fault.

And it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It just means you’ve been stuck in a trap most people fall into.

Here’s what it is:

Most insomnia fixes are actually sleep efforts.

And sleep efforts are one of the core reasons insomnia persists.

⸻

What Are Sleep Efforts?

Sleep efforts are any actions you take to try to make sleep happen.

They come from a place of urgency and desperation.

You’re exhausted.

You’re anxious.

You want sleep to come—but it won’t.

So you try to force it.

You do something to fix it.

Because that’s what we’re taught to do in life.

See a problem, take action, fix it.

But that logic backfires with sleep.

Because sleep isn’t something you do.

It’s a passive biological process.

Just like digestion or your heartbeat.

It happens on its own—when the conditions are right.

And trying to make it happen just sends your body the wrong message.

⸻

Why Sleep Efforts Keep You Stuck

There are two big reasons sleep efforts fail—and actually make things worse.

1. They activate your nervous system.

When you treat being awake at night like a crisis you need to fix, your body hears:

“There’s a threat.”

And when your body thinks there’s a threat, it activates fight-or-flight.

That ramps up the Sleep-Stopping Force—your anxiety and hyperarousal.

And that stops sleep from happening, no matter how tired you are.

2. They reinforce fear.

When your efforts fail—which they almost always do—you feel even more anxious.

More out of control.

More desperate.

Which just ramps up the cycle again.

You try harder.

Sleep resists.

And on it goes.

⸻

Examples of Sleep Efforts

Here are a few common sleep efforts that might sound familiar:

• Elaborate bedtime routines

• Using breathwork or meditation specifically to induce sleep

• Micromanaging your bedroom environment

• Taking sleeping pills or supplements

• Changing your entire day around to “protect” your sleep

• Getting in bed early or sleeping in late to “catch up”

None of these are bad in themselves.

But if you’re doing them as a way to control sleep, they’re sleep efforts.

And they’re keeping you stuck.

⸻

So What Should You Do?

The first step is to recognize sleep efforts for what they are.

Desperate attempts to control an uncontrollable process.

They’re not evil.

They’re just misguided.

The next step?

Let go.

Not of sleep.

But of the efforts.

This might sound counterintuitive.

But it’s exactly how normal sleepers sleep.

They don’t try to sleep.

They just allow sleep to happen when it’s ready.

And your body can too—once the sleep-stopping force is lowered.

⸻

A Quick Experiment

Let’s test it.

Right now—or tonight when you go to bed—try this:

Lie down.

Close your eyes.

And tell yourself:

“Sleep. Now.”

Feel that?

Even with a strong desire to sleep, you can’t force it.

It’s just not how sleep works.

And that’s actually good news.

Because once you stop trying to force it, sleep gets a lot easier.

⸻

What Happens...