I hit record not knowing what I’d say, just knowing that I felt tender and full and needed to say something, anything, about how grief has been moving in me…

What came out was a web of stories threaded by longing, scripture, comfort, hunger, shame, healing, and breath.

There’s the line: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” And how Neil Douglas-Klotz says that in Aramaic, “blessed” can mean “ripe.” Ripe are those who mourn. That cracked something open in me because I didn’t mourn when I was young. I didn’t learn anything about mourning…

I learned to stuff, deny, ignore. I learned what our culture models.

And I was unripe.

I read a story of a little boy who was hungry, ashamed that he didn’t have food. One day a girl quietly gave him half her sandwich, and continued to do so each day, until she didn’t come back to school.

Years later, his daughter asks him to pack two sandwiches because there’s a boy at school who doesn’t have lunch.

I am learning to give half a sandwich to younger parts of myself. The ones I silenced with food, or busyness, or shame. The parts hungry for love, comfort, safety

The parts that thought those things made her bad.

This episode isn’t polished. I wander, I spiral, I tear up, I confess.

I share about masturbation at six years old, stuffing myself with food well into adulthood, soft belly breathing and how grief can stop us, soften us, witness us.

Grief says

“I see you. You matter. You make sense.”

Healing is not a straight line. There are no straight lines in nature.

Maybe this isn’t a “message” as much as it’s an invitation—to be exactly where you are. To feel what’s ripening in you. And to soften the belly. Just a little.

I’m with you in it, Lisa Michelle

P.S. A few gifts that accompanied this episode:

• The Hidden Gospel by Neil Douglas-Klotz — the idea of “ripeness” instead of “righteousness” has been changing everything for me.

• Mind Your Body by Rachel Sachs — her work deeply supports this practice of befriending our hunger, our pain, and our shame.

• Hi Ren by Ren — a musical prayer about mental health, rigidity, healing, and softness. Trust me. https://youtu.be/s_nc1IVoMxc?si=eznS0taktBrzQ1K3

• I’m also captivated by Elizabeth Zharoff’s show because she is so vibrant!!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGKgklIV7Ko
  

I’d love to hear what ripens in you. Just reply.

In this very special episode of Grief Heals, host Lisa Michelle Zega is thrilled to welcome the podcast's very first guest, Denise Clanin.

Denise is a former accountant turned stay-at-home mom and debut novelist living in North Idaho.

What began as a simple college writing assignment over a decade ago has blossomed into Denise's novel Among the Stars - but the story behind the story is what makes this conversation truly compelling.

After losing her brother six years ago, Denise found herself returning to that forgotten manuscript during her toddler's nap times, discovering that writing became an unexpected pathway through grief.

Her novel explores themes that mirror her own journey - loss, healing, community, and the messy, complicated nature of grief itself.

In this heartfelt conversation, Lisa and Denise dive deep into how creativity can become a companion in healing, the way our loved ones continue to inspire us beyond their physical presence, and why no one is ever truly a lost cause.

Whether you're navigating your own grief journey, curious about the intersection of writing and healing, or simply love hearing authentic stories of human resilience, this episode offers profound insights wrapped in genuine warmth.

Plus, you'll discover how Denise's entire family moved together from California to Idaho after her brother's passing, the unique ways her brother's fearless spirit continues to influence her approach to building community, and how writing fiction helped her learn to be patient with herself in the grieving process.

To purchase Among the Stars by Denise Clanin, you can find it here

You can also follow Denise on Facebook and Instagram.

Of course you’ve

judged yourself for how you feel…

cried at work and then felt ashamed…

pushed something down in the name of being strong or good or grateful…

So – this wildly unpolished episode is for you.

Here’s a glorious unraveling and remembering of what I mean when I say grief heals. It isn’t about being fixed. It’s about being fully human or

Experiencing our humanity with awareness and mercy.

I think that’s what healing – experiencing wholeness – actually looks like.

So perhaps

It’s not bad to cry at work.

Perhaps, our big emotions aren’t problems to fix but parts of us seeking to belong.

Just maybe that long list of things we judge ourselves for – you know

Avoiding people, mindless eating, binging tv, sleeping all day, endless learning without doing…

Reveal how we survived.

Survived so we can be here now. ALIVE.

Sigh. – Don’t know about you, but I feel like saying thank you. Thank you to everything I’ve ever done so that I get to be here with you now.

I feel Grief as Love. Grief as witness. Grief as medicine.

Because Grief is big enough for all of it.

So that parts of me once judged get welcomed to the kindergarten carpet – There’s room for all of it

“Hey, rage – you can sit beside me on the pink square.”

Yep. Inspired by Rachel Sachs’ Mind Your Body, I imagine all of us—our whole selves—gathered on one of those big, multicolored kindergarten carpets. No part left out. Not even the ones we try to hide.

Because if love heals, then grief does too.

Come listen. Let’s remember together.