My guest this episode is dating and relationship coach, Pat Stedman. This is his second appearance on the show. I invited him on to talk to me about how married Muslim men can develop their personalities to become more attractive and sexually desirable to their wives. This was a very organic discussion, where we both bounced ideas off each other and developed each other’s arguments. Show Notes: [00:05] This episode of the Becoming the Alpha Muslim podcast was brought to you by halal bedroom dot com. For a limited time, buy-one-get-one-free offer on your first order. Click here to buy now.[02:50] Are millennials and generation Z creating culture or re-creating monoculture? Hipsters in the 5 boroughs in New York are exactly the same as hipsters in Dubai[04:50] The cultural cognitive dissonance of the West[06:30] The three pillars of attraction - pre-selection, persona, and personality - can be thought of as marketing, sales, and product Pre-selection - social status and physical appearancePersona - masculinity and social skills (Game)Personality - what do you have to offer as a person [09:10] Men who have great relationships are strong in at least two and good in one[10:15] You can also think of the three pillars in evolutionary terms environmental factors (pre-selection) - what types of males are attractive in a societybehavioral factors(persona) - how these males behave with the opposite sexpsychological factors (personality) - how they maintain the relationships long-term via relationship dynamics [12:30] Pre-selection and persona will get a man up to closing the deal. Personality is what maintains the relationship.[13:20] The example of Pick-up Artists. They are very capable of getting a girl’s attention in the beginning but have a hard time holding it afterwards.[17:10] There are two dimensions of personality. Psychological growth and maturity, and chemistry (desire) and compatibility (comfort).[22:35] The attractiveness of women vs their emotional maturity. The younger girls (late teens to early 20s) who men are attracted to are basic bitches.The older women (late 20s to early 30s) are the ones bringing more to the relationship than their box.The sexual marketplace is so inefficient because there are two marketplaces operating in parallel - the physical and the psychological [29:00] The similarities between Muslims and Ahlul Kitab - we’re all having premarital sex and “oral and anal don’t count”.[32:00] Marriage is a massive vehicle for psychological growth.Couples who get married young and stick together past the difficult years stay married for a very long time and have the best relationships.They make each other grow together.[36:30] The Western tradition vs the Eastern tradition: the individual is the smallest unit of society vs. the family is the smallest unit of society[37:55] Marriage is 50% of your religion. Marriage accounts for so much of your spiritual growth and exercise of many of Islam’s religious duties.[40:10] When you’re with someone, a mirror is held up to you. Our romantic desire for someone and being bound to them, forces us to work on ourselves and become better people.[42:00] How Nabeel met and married his wife[44:20] How long it takes to mature in a marriage and step into your role as the patriarch[46:20] Men without children are man-children and women without children are self-absorbed narcissists[47:20] You’re never truly ready to get married or have children. Allah provides sustenance for each person. My upward mobility strategy: get more wives and have more kids.[49:50] Hypergamy and cognitive dissonance in women.[51:40] Islam places a cost of doing business on both genders attempting to fully realize their respective sexual strategies (hypergamy and plate-spinning).[54:30] Misconceptions about Islam and polygynous societies, “there are all these unmarried men without sexual access to women”.[57:10] Pat impresses us with his knowledge of early Islamic history.[58:10] There will always be the bottom end of the bell curve, Muslim or non-Muslim, male or female, who will likely always be single because they have no prospects[59:30] Using Myers-Briggs Type Indicators to understand and explain personality. Pat gives us a short primary.[1:02:00] I ask Pat to analyze my type - ESTJ-A (People Mastery - Assertive). Pay close attention to this. It’s a little complex to type out.[1:07:00] How to become a more well-rounded and attractive husband: develop your inferior function. In my case, Introverted Feeling.[1:08:50] How to develop your personality functions. The first step is to become aware of your type and your behavior in particular situations. Then you work to consciously exercise these inferior function behaviors.[1:12:30] The difference between persona and personality. Persona is masculinity. So, developing a well-rounded and integrated personality does not affect your status as a masculine male.[1:15:45] I ask Pat to interpret some of my rash and ...
