"Setting Clear Dating Goals & Standards For Intimacy Success"
Summary/Abstract
Duke delate of the Intimacy Liberation Army was talking to a girl who recently ended a relationship due to a lack of clarity in her goals and dating standards. Duke asked her a series of questions to determine her core beliefs, and it became apparent that she didn't have any standards and thus was settling for less than what she wanted. It's important to note that while it's possible to appreciate differences and celebrate them, when it comes to making decisions on how one wants to be treated and whether they are meeting their goals, it comes down to what the other person is willing to give. Thus, it's important to set clear standards to ensure that one is getting what they desire in a relationship.
The speaker is discussing why people may not be achieving their goals. They point out that one reason could be that people's goals are too unrealistic or fantasy-based, and they don't have the skills to attain them. Another reason is that many people don't know what they want in the first place, only what they don't want. The speaker gives an example of someone who wants a hot partner, but doesn't have the skills to attract one. They suggest that people need to have realistic goals, and better understand what they actually do want in order to achieve them.
The conversation talks about how many people don't know what they want in a partner, and may just be running away from the pain of past relationships. It explains that this is likely because they haven't had many positive or successful experiences that have worked out in the past. The speaker then gives an exercise to help people figure out what they do and don't want in a partner. They suggest writing down a list of ten things that they would like to have in a partner, and then writing down ten deal breakers. This exercise is designed to help people focus on what they do want and not just what they don't want, and to set boundaries and standards that will help them get the relationship that they desire.
The conversation focuses on the importance of having clear rules in life that you are willing to enforce. It is essential to understand why these rules are in place, so that when they are challenged, you do not waiver. It is important to have a list of what you do and don't want in life, and to be clear on your deal breakers. This will help you to identify opportunities that check the boxes, rather than settling for less. Externalizing the locus of control in a relationship can lead to feelings of victimhood, so it is important to take ownership of your life and to be clear on what you want in order to get the most out of it.
Timestamps
0:00:01 Clarity in Setting Goals and Dating Standards: A Conversation with Duke delate
0:02:22 Exploring Reasons for Frustration with Unattainable Goals
0:04:14 "Setting Clear Standards for Healthy Relationships"
0:09:15 Topic: Establishing Rules and Standards for Relationships
0:11:13 Discussion on Setting Boundaries in Dating Relationships
0:12:53 Exploring the Benefits of Making Compromises: A Discussion on Settling for Taco Bell vs. Super Rare Badass Steak
0:16:00 Setting Boundaries: Training People How to Treat You
0:17:44 Exploring the Impact of Self-Perception on Attaining Desired Outcomes
0:19:48 "Clarifying Your Goals: How to Achieve Success and Fulfillment"
