Dave and Bethlie continue their multi-part series on the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp.

Part 4

5. The rod defined - p. 104

1. “The rod is a parent, in faith toward God and faithfullness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured, and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness unto death.”
   1. It is a parental exercise
   2. 2. It is an act of faith in God and His Word
   3. It is an act of faithfulness - an expression of love and comitment
   4. It is an act of responsibility - not a parent determining to punish, but a parent determining to obey
   5. It is an act of physical punishment
      1. 1. Not venting or parental anger
         2. Not frustration
         3. Not based on a feeling of my child is bothering me
         4. It is always measured and controlled
   6. It is a rescue mission
      1. Rescues the child from continuing in foolishness
      2. To ignore your child’s rebellion against God’s authority is to ultimately brings God’s greater chastisement into their lives.

6. The Rod clarified

1. Not unbridled temper
2. Not the right to hit my child
3. Not venting or frustration
4. Not retribution
   1. Not payment but restoration
5. Not vindictive

7. The Rod objected

1. I love my child too much too spank
   1. You love yourself too much to spank them
2. I am afraid I will hurt them
   1. “Biblically-balanced discipline never physically endangers a child”
3. I am afraid it will make him rebellious and angry
   1. Proverbs 29:17 teaches the exact opposite
4. I am afraid it will teach them to hit
   1. Only if you spank in anger
5. It doesn’t work
   1. It doesn’t when you spank in anger or out-of-control
   2. It doesn’t when you are inconsistent
   3. It doesn’t when you fail to be persistent
   4. It doesn’t when you aren’t effective
6. I could be arrested for child abuse
   1. Only spank in the privacy of your home and do it right

Dave and Bethlie continue their multi-part series on the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp.

PART 3

4. His comments about the ROD are really good in chapter 11

1. 1. Children are not born morally and ethically neutral
      1. If they are they don’t need correction, just direction
      2. If they are not, then they need correction
      3. Our child’s problem is that he or she is a sinner!
   2. p. 102. Folly is the problem we have to address according to proverbs
      1. Folly is not childishness
      2. Folly describes the person who does not fear God
         1. A fools life is run by his desires and fears
         2. The fool lives out of the immediacy of his lusts, cravings, expectations, hopes, and fears
   3. The issue is authority
      1. Will a child live under the authority of God and his parents?
      2. Will he/she live under their own authority?
      3. All children choose to live under their own authority:
         1. I don’t want my diaper changed
         2. I don’t want to sit quietly at the table during this meal
         3. You are going to make me and if you do I will scream and throw a huge fit
         4. Leave this to take root and grow, and it produces “a rebellious teenager who will not allow anyone to rule him.”
         5. “God has ordained the rod of discipline for this condition.” p. 103
         6. “Confrontation, with the immediate and undeniably tactile sensation of a spanking, renders an implacable child sweet.” (p. 103)
         7. The quote on p 103 is massively important

4. The rod’s function

1. 1. 1. 1. 1. It imparts wisdom Pr 29:15, which is tied to the fear of god
            2. “It creates an atmosphere in which instruction can be given. The spanking renders the child compliant and ready to receive life-giving words.” (p 104)
            3. Tripp deals with the question - don’t all children eventually learn to obey? He say NO!! Proverbs 29:15, 17

PART 2

3. Some important quotes stand out!

4. His comments about the ROD are really good in chapter 11

1. 1. Children are not born morally and ethically neutral
      1. If they are they don’t need correction, just direction
      2. If they are not, then they need correction
      3. Our child’s problem is that he or she is a sinner!
   2. p. 102. Folly is the problem we have to address according to proverbs
      1. Folly is not childishness
      2. Folly describes the person who does not fear God
         1. A fools life is run by his desires and fears
         2. The fool lives out of the immediacy of his lusts, cravings, expectations, hopes, and fears
   3. The issue is authority
      1. Will a child live under the authority of God and his parents?
      2. Will he/she live under their own authority?
      3. All children choose to live under their own authority:
         1. I don’t want my diaper changed
         2. I don’t want to sit quietly at the table during this meal
         3. You are going to make me and if you do I will scream and throw a huge fit
         4. Leave this to take root and grow, and it produces “a rebellious teenager who will not allow anyone to rule him.”
         5. “God has ordained the rod of discipline for this condition.” p. 103
         6. “Confrontation, with the immediate and undeniably tactile sensation of a spanking, renders an implacable child sweet.” (p. 103)
         7. The quote on p 103 is massively important
      4. The function of the rod
         1. It imparts wisdom Pr 29:15, which is tied to the fear of god
         2. “It creates an atmosphere in which instruction can be given. The spanking renders the child compliant and ready to receive life-giving words.” (p 104)
         3. Tripp deals with the question - don’t all children eventually learn to obey? He say NO!! Proverbs 29:15, 17
      5. The rod defined - p. 104
         1. “The rod is a parent, in faith toward God and faithfullness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured, and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness unto death.”
            1. It is a parental exercise
            2. It is an act of faith in God and His Word
            3. It is an act of faithfulness - an expression of love and comitment
            4. It is an act of responsibility - not a parent determining to punish, but a parent determining to obey
            5. It is an act of physical punishment
               1. Not venting or parental anger
               2. Not frustration
               3. Not based on a feeling of my child is bothering me
               4. It is always measured and controlled
            6. It is a rescue mission
               1. Rescues the child from continuing in foolishness
               2. To ignore your child’s rebellion against God’s authority is to ultimately brings God’s greater chastisement into their lives.
      6. The Rod clarified
         1. Not unbridled temper
         2. Not the right to hit my child
         3. Not venting or frustration
         4. not retribution
            1. Not payment but restoration
         5. Not vindictive
      7. The Rod objected
         1. I love my child too much too spank
            1. You love yourself too much to spank them
         2. I am afraid I will hurt them
            1. “Biblically-balanced discipline never physically endangers a child”
         3. I am afraid it will make him rebellious and angry
            1. Proverbs 29:17 teaches the exact opposite
         4. I am afraid it will teach them to hit
            1. Only if you spank in anger
         5. It doesn’t work
            1. It doesn’t when you spank in anger or out-of-control
            2. It doesn’t when you are inconsistent
            3. It doesn’t when you fail to be persistent
            4. It doesn’t when you aren’t effective
         6. I could be arrested for child abuse
            1. Only spank in the privacy of your home and do it right

Join Dave and Bethlie as they embark on this multi-part series on the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp.

What is the point of the book?

It is written to parents with children of any age and provides perspectives and procedures for shepherding your child’s heart into the paths of life.

Several things stand out in Part 1

1. His comments about Behavior on page 4
   1. If behavior becomes our only focus, we miss an important part of training
   2. “Parents often get sidetracked with behavior. If your goal in discipline is changed behavior, it is easy to understand why this happens. . . . You think you have corrected when you have changed unacceptable behavior to behavior that you sanction and appreciate.
   3. “What is the problem? You ask. The problem is this: Your child’s needs are far more profound than his aberrant behavior . . . If you are to really help him, you must be concerned with the attitudes of heart that drive his behavior. “
   4. “A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable.”
   5. Don’t miss the balance there . . .
      1. “What must you do in correction and discipline? You must require proper behavior. God’s law demands that. You cannot, however, be satisfed to leave the matter there. You must help your child . . . expose the attitude of the heart that has resulted in wrong behavior.”
      2. A few suggestions from be and Bethlie
      3. If your child is younger, behavior is the first priority. They don’t understand yet, but you can’t wait until they have the capacity to reason and think. You will be way behind if you do.
      4. So go ahead and focus on their behavior.
         1. Give me your attention.
      5. As they then begin to grow and understand, you can then begin working on their heart.
         1. Give me your heart

1. His comments about influences that shape who a person is and what they become as a result
   1. What are the influences?
      1. Structure of their family life
      2. Family Values
         1. Illustration of Vases or Disobedience on p 12
      3. Family Roles
      4. Family Conflict Resolution
      5. Family Response to Failure
      6. Family History
   2. What are the mistakes we often make regarding these influences?
      1. We assume they are just helpless victims because of their
      2. We assume they are unaffected by their experiences
      3. We rely on determinism: if the environment is right, the kid will turn out right
      4. We have to remember that the clay is not passive
      5. This is why the heart is so important

Join Dave and Bethlie as they continue a study on a few select chapters of the book Ten Pillars of an Awesome Marriage by Charles Shoemaker.

PART 2

5. Chapter 5 Conflict Resolution

1. 1. Goal - not to avoid but to handle wisely
   2. Illustration of Lady Astor to Winston Churchill - If you were my husband, I would give you poison; if you were my wife, I would take it!
   3. P. 85 Swindoll Quote
      1. Frequently, marital warfare is in the trenches of belligerence or moodiness. Some battles are night attacks or surprise assaults. Others are cold wars of stoic silence. Cruel methods of torture are also employed—public criticism, fearful threats, intimidation, ugly sarcasm, and hateful remarks designed to put down one’s mate. Such tactics are popular . . . but wrong because they are unfair and they never lead to domestic peace.”
   4. P. 87 PFS - personal filtering system
      1. Age
      2. Gender
      3. Education
      4. Life experiences
      5. Culture
      6. Temperament
      7. Skills
      8. Personality
      9. Spirituality
   5. How do you resolve conflicts
      1. Be right with God
      2. Be swift to hear and slow to speak
      3. Own it when you are wrong
      4. Stay focused on issue at hand
      5. Face conflicts with a team mindset
         1. We not me
         2. A marriage struggles when it has two “I”s

Join Dave and Bethlie as they begin a study on a few select chapters of the book Ten Pillars of an Awesome Marriage by Charles Shoemaker.

Here's the notes from this episode.

1. Introduction to the author
   1. He and His wife Sharon have been married for 50 years
   2. They have conducted Marriage and Family Conferences throughout North America, Asia, Central America, and Europe
2. Overview of the book
3. There are Ten Chapters - Neatly Alliterated
   1. Core Values - building a strong foundation
   2. Compatibility - understanding each other
   3. Commitment - staying connected
   4. Communication - learning to share openly and lovingly
   5. Conflict Resolution - solving disagreements peaceably
   6. Charity - loving unconditionally
   7. Choices - making wise decisions
   8. Companionship - living as positive partners
   9. Chemistry - enjoying marital intimacy
   10. Christ and His church - Going the distance with God’s help
4. Chapter 3 - Commitment
   1. A reminder of our wedding vows
      1. For better of for worse
      2. In sickness as in health
      3. Forsaking all others
      4. Until death do us part
   2. Why is commitment such a struggle for us today
      1. The culture we live in
      2. Low standards of many Christians
      3. Delayed consequences
   3. A section about truths to remember
      1. Commitment is a choice
         1. We choose to stay married
         2. We choose to make our spouse happy to be married
            1. Bring joy to your spouse
            2. Bless your spouse
            3. Serve your spouse
         3. We choose to continue growing together
            1. Two illustrations
               1. No gas in a car it will stop running
               2. We have to grow the marriage relationship by putting fuel in the tank
               3. A plant ignored will die
               4. For a plant to thrive it has to receive a lot of attention

We reached back into the archives and pulled out a very special episode that Dave and Bethlie did back in season 2. Pray for Pastor Dave as he recovers from a pretty nasty cold.

In this special episode, Dave and Bethlie Young tackle the critical issue of internet pornography and its impact on families. They share alarming statistics about pornography exposure among children and teens, including that 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet porn before age 18, with the average first exposure occurring at age 11.

Pornography has become "aggressive" - actively seeking out children rather than requiring them to search for it. No family is exempt from this challenge, whether homeschooled, Christian schooled, or public schooled.

If you'd like more information regarding this please visit https://www.covenanteyes.com/ and use the promo code dnbyoung.

Thanks for joining us for part 2 of this series entitlted, "The Family Altar." If you've listened to Keeping It Young for long, you've probably heard Dave refer to the "family altar" but what exactly does he mean when he says that?

7. How do you do it?

1. 1. Schedule it
      1. John R. Rice had family altar after breakfast each morning.
         1. Read Scripture out loud as a family
         2. Each one prayed
      2. We had family altar in the evenings before bed.
         1. It was a calm down time
         2. It was a quiet time
         3. It was a special and fun time
   2. We have many scheduled habits
      1. 1. We brush our teeth
         2. We watch certain shows
         3. We eat at certain times
         4. We leave for school at specific times
      2. Schedule in a way that fits your family
      3. Make the schedule a habit
      4. Communicate the schedule
      5. Change it as needed . . .
   3. Make it predictable
      1. Be clear about how you do it
      2. Be clear about what will happen
   4. Plan it
      1. No phones
      2. Light conversation
      3. Scripture reading
      4. Time of prayer
      5. Gratitude

8. Final thoughts:

You can’t do it if you aren’t what you should be as a parent

If you are growing and taking steps to be right, get started

Links:

Want to hear Pastor Dave Young preach?

Westwood Baptist Church

Westwood Baptist Church Podcast