I realized today that my brain has been extra mean to me lately and I have been less proactive in thinking thoughts about myself on purpose to neutralize my mean brain. The volume of my negative self thoughts had been getting louder and coming more often, worse I could see myself start to believe them again. My insecurities started getting louder- and I started getting quieter- I let my brain talk to me and I stopped talking back to my brain. My brain whispered “you aren’t good enough, you won’t reach that goal, it won’t last, you’re too much, that isn’t for you, you will never get out of debt, you will never have enough money”... such scarcity, such fear… such sadness followed these thoughts.

Then I got angry with myself. I realized I felt shame and guilt and frustration for this experience- for believing my old thoughts- for allowing them to come on in again and stay for so long- I have worked so hard to develop a secure self worth, to increase my self confidence- and here it is just gone. My brain wanted to tell me that all my progress was gone, and that I was turning back into my past self.

But I wasn’t.

I can never go back to the person who didn’t know what I know now. Negative thought loops, negative self talk, and moments of regression can not take away the years of knowledge, wisdom, self compassion, self grace, and self development that I had created.

I realized the thought “It’s happening again. You haven’t made any progress”

Was a lie…

It simply means I am still a human with a brain and a brain with anxious attachment. It simply means that I need to get back to managing my mind and creating thoughts on purpose. (See past me didn’t know what I know now)

It simply meant that I had to also celebrate myself at this very moment. You see past me would have not known what to do, past self would have fallen deeper into depression and withdrawn instead of being aware of all the progress we have made and all that we now know- it would have just been consumed by these thoughts and feelings and let them take the wheel.

Instead I realized I had stopped using my thoughtwork tools, I had stopped my brain maintenance, I had gotten so busy being busy that I had stopped doing the inner intentional work to build my self concept and neutralize my mean brain.

So I just want to offer that if your brain is telling you that you have lost all your progress because some old thoughts have crept back in, or you are having more anxious attachment triggers, or anxiety is high, or depression is low, or life is life-ing, or you are just experiencing a human experience- remember that you can not go back to the person before-it is impossible- two steps backwards is not all progress lost- never is all progress lost.

So back to the basics-

If you want help getting back on track, or you want to learn how to do thought work email me at amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com and set up a consultation call or dm me at TakingBackHerBrain

5 Steps to stop this cycle

1. You have to become an observer of your thoughts and feelings. What thoughts are you thinking, how do they make you feel?
2. You have to grow your capacity to feel the intense emotions without taking action. This looks like naming the feeling in your body, where does it sit, how does it feel, while acknowledging how uncomfortable it is to sit with these feelings.
3. You have to grow your capacity to feel the urgency to react and know that you are already safe and you can process these emotions before you react. This looks like practicing thoughts of “I am safe right now, my anxious attachment is triggered but I am safe, I feel the urgency and I do not have to do anything yet”
4. You have to learn how to feel urgency and decide to pause
5. You have to learn to give yourself compassion and love in this exact moment. This looks like acknowledging your anxious attachment has been triggered, validating your feelings because they are real for you right now in this moment and still deciding to pause and feel them. Creating safety with yourself. Letting yourself know that you are capable of feeling these overwhelming emotions and creating trust with yourself.