Dr. Skip Speer and Tami answer participant questions about missing a partner who has betrayed you, strategies for opening up in honest and helpful ways, timelines for dedicating time to recovery resources, and appropriate dialogue to have with family and friends during recovery.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:04] What is my role in holding the pain of my betraying partner?

[6:50] Seeking Integrity resources that are available to navigate unhealthy relationships.

[7:58] What treatment options are available to a narcissistic sex addict betrayer?

[13:24] How and when should we approach discussing our situation with family and friends?

[17:10] How can I open up as the betrayer and address the tough topics with my partner?

[23:37] Do I need to discuss being a 12-Step sponsor with my spouse?

[27:20] Is it normal to miss my betraying spouse?

[30:51] How can we navigate my partner's addictions with our children?

[36:15] Which support groups offer accountability instead of enablement.

[43:29] Can betrayed partners have traits of love addiction?

[44:31] How can I avoid getting pulled in to my sex addict partner's lies?

[50:02] How do I know when it's time to adjust the amount of time we spend on recovery resources?

[54:14] How can I possibly initiate sex after the years of my partner's betrayal?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "If a person is willing to engage in therapy and get in and do the work, there is hope."

• "The more you focus on healing for you, the faster you will heal."

• "Things may be bad, but they will get so much worse if you keep holding onto it."

• "No addict changes unless the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same."

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami talk about doomscrolling and hopescrolling, the features of each, and how to tailor your algorithm to lift you up at every stage of recovery. They then answer participant questions about sex addiction, including narcissism, gaslighting, and therapist obligations as mandatory reporters.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:49] Doomscrolling versus hopescrolling – how to engage in what serves you.

[7:01] Using your phone to numb out? Try this instead.

[8:50] What is the difference between a CSAT and a regular therapist?

[13:25] Do we really need a couples therapist?

[20:24] The importance of accountability in therapy.

[26:57] Programs for sex addiction with narcissistic traits.

[37:25] The danger of denial in recovery.

[41:03] Dealing with a sex offender changes the recovery game.

[44:49] Key differences between narcissism and sociopathic behaviors.

[46:45] How can I financially separate myself from my betraying partner?

[50:05] My partner is looking at underage porn. Should I report him?

[54:33] Is the term 'gaslighting' used too loosely?

[56:30] What are the obligations of a mandatory reporter?

[58:30] What is the likelihood that underage porn addicts will ever ask for help if they know they will be reported?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "It feels better to comfort than confront, but at the end of the day, recovering addicts need accountability."

• "In real recovery, we're looking for anything that is problematic or helping us escape in unhealthy ways."

• "You know what your partner is not willing to do. So what are you willing to do?"

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses therapeutic separation as an effective intervention for couples struggling with the impact of betrayal and addiction. She highlights the structure of therapeutic separation as a compassionate approach to help both individuals regain safety, clarity and hope in the relationship. She and Tami then answer participant questions about therapeutic separation, when it's the right next move, and what to do when it didn't resolve your relationship issues.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:55] The possibilities with therapeutic or healing separation.

[2:07] Common scenarios in couples dealing with betrayal.

[3:00] Is therapeutic separation right for my relationship?

[6:04] The purpose and plan of therapeutic separation.

[10:34] Realistic separation timelines and action plans.

[17:47] Addressing common therapeutic separation fears.

[24:57] Managing the message to others.

[29:45] What to do when you're stuck.

[32:11] The importance of regular therapist check ins.

[36:32] How does therapeutic separation end?

[40:16] What is the difference between sobriety and recovery?

[47:54] My partner is gaslighting me. Would in-home separation help?

[52:19] How do I know if my partner is really doing the work?

[57:08] Therapeutic separation didn't work. How do I move forward?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "Therapeutic separation aims at creating stability, safety, and gives each individual time to gain insights."

• "As you define clear goals and understand the purpose of therapeutic separation, it becomes a roadmap for healing."

• "In therapeutic separation, both partners are fully committed to doing their recovery work."

• "All of this is scary, but the scariest thing is staying stuck."