In this webinar, CSAT therapist Jon Taylor offers a high-level overview of Attachment Theory, how it manifests as maturity in a relationship, and how it impacts sex addiction and betrayal trauma recovery. Jon and Tami then answer questions about attachment theory's role in creating strong relationships.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:55] The role of attachment theory in addiction recovery.

[1:58] The history and research of attachment theory.

[7:02] Emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity.

[8:20] Maturity in a relationship is not making one another responsible for your attachment deficits.

[9:35] Patterns in baseline attachment styles.

[13:20] Recent findings in attachment theory.

[15:50] What does attachment theory teach about maturity in relationships?

[19:20] How does attachment style apply to couples in recovery?

[23:18] Contemplating real loss and forgiveness in recovery.

[27:40] How can I navigate trauma in a way that doesn’t traumatize my children?

[29:55] Attachment and personality grow out of temperament, but presentation can change over time.

[35:04] Attachment explains everything, but it’s not the answer to everything.

[36:10] As a partner, how can I preserve our progress and disengage early in the negative cycle?

[39:22] How can I overcome my attachment style to create a stronger marriage?

[43:51] How long should an SA be in treatment before making a long term relationship decision?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “It’s one of the most annoying parts of therapy, but it really does all come back to mom and dad.”

• “Part of attachment theory is understanding that emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity.”

• “Maturity in a relationship is not making one another responsible for your attachment deficits.”

• “Attachment theory is important but it does not totally dictate how we can and must show up in our relationships.”

• “For maturity to take place, we have to learn how to control our impulses.”

• “Attachment explains everything, but it’s not the answer to everything.”

In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of sex and pornography, and how these addictions create dysregulation in the dopamine rewards system. Scott and Tami also answer participant questions about the difference between habits and addictions and timelines in recovery.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:10] The dopamine system craves rewards and pleasure.

[3:41] The danger of manipulating the dopamine system with addictions.

[6:13] Sexual fantasy delivers a high that is much cheaper than drugs, but just as dangerous.

[6:47] As a self-adjusting and self-healing organ, the brain senses when things are going wrong, but addicts respond by consuming even more.

[10:15] The downregulated brain will always win when chasing a higher high.

[15:26] How long does it take to reset a dysregulated dopamine system?

[16:12] Rerouting the pathways that addiction creates in our brains.

[19:05] Addicts are so focused on acting out that they aren’t paying attention to what they’re missing out on.

[21:51] People who pass the one year mark are much likelier to stay sober for the rest of their lives.

[23:18] Does the brain magically reset?

[24:01] Can sex addicts actually change?

[27:01] My addict husband doesn’t have any problem performing multiple times a day, how is that even possible?

[27:53] Why do I continue to lie to my partner when I know it’s causing her pain?

[32:35] My addictions and ADHD medication have dysregulated my system. What are my options?

[34:11] How can my partner keep relapsing when he promises me he won’t?

[39:36] How can I help my partner who is on the spectrum?

[40:25] How long does someone need sobriety before they can work on trauma?

[44:26] Can we incorporate specific sex acts into our relationship during recovery?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “There’s a reason we have a dopamine system. It’s part of our survival.”

• “The problem with addictions is that we can manipulate the dopamine system.”

• “For addicts, it’s much more about the hunt than the actual sex act.”

• “We have created a chemical imbalance in our brain through our addictions.”

• “Addicts are so focused on acting out that we’re not paying attention to what we’re missing out on.”

• “Once my brain reset I had no interest in going back to the misery.”

• “Addicts chase pleasure as a way of really avoiding pain.”

Mark Anthony Lord joins Tami to discuss the value of building a better Higher Power relationship, and why that can be a key to lasting recovery. He shares his personal addiction recovery experience, the joy he feels from being alive today, and how he was led to create the 12-Step Church.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:32] Sex and drugs recovery was the impetus for Mark’s spiritual path.

[4:47] Learning how to forgive is a critical component of effective healing.

[6:45] Church can be a place of gathering, healing and community.

[12:55] 12-Step Church offers connection and celebration in recovery.

[16:45] Recovering addicts deserve more than just being sober, we deserve to be happy and alive on purpose.

[22:48] Details for joining a weekly meeting with 12-Step Church.

[27:01] Addictions of all kinds are addressed at 12-Step Church.

[31:03] How am I still alive? The miracle of life after addiction.

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “My entire life took a completely different path because of one little moment.”

• “There’s always a number of people in recovery in the room at church, but the room wasn’t always designed for them.”

• “Wherever you are on this journey, that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

• “We all deserve not only to be sober but to be happy.”