On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Eddie Capparucci addresses the struggle of many men to show empathy, especially those who have dealt with childhood trauma and emotional neglect. He warns of the dangers of labels and offers insights into the biological and neurological factors that affect empathy. Then he and Tami answer participant questions about empathy in relationships, with strangers, and in and out of the home.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] The link between problematic sexual behaviors and a lack of empathy.

[3:00] Empathy is learned in childhood.

[7:18] When men don’t know how to deal with emotions, they shut down.

[8:46] The biological component of empathy.

[12:23] Timing plays a critical role in the development of empathy.

[15:07] Healing the brain and cultivating empathy.

[24:07] Emotionally cold or emotionally dysregulated?

[28:45] Why is my spouse empathetic with everyone except me?

[33:09] Why do I seek stranger validation more than closeness with my partner?

[35:35] My husband had plenty of empathy when courting me. What happened?

[40:50] The neurological danger of viewing porn.

[41:22] Lack of empathy or autism spectrum?

[45:38] Where to find the feelings wheel.

[46:48] Why is it easier to be empathetic with someone who’s upset with someone else than someone who is upset with me?

[49:41] Can these same principles apply to women?

[52:00] How will we know when we are ready for couples work?

[55:10] My husband feels judged when I ask him to be accountable.

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

● “When men don’t know how to deal with emotions, they shut down.”

● “Trauma and emotional neglect do not damage every child’s empathy circuit in the same way.”

● “The brain can heal and empathy can be cultivated.”

● “Emotional regulation is recovery.”

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Scott Brassart discusses resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for both addicts and betrayed partners. He and Tami then answer participant questions about handling triggers, understanding big emotions, and addressing supercharged manifestations of shame.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:10] Resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for everyone.

[3:16] 5 practices to build resilience, from happiness to obstacle immunity and staying present.

[11:20] Tools that can help with building resilience.

[15:30] The 3-second rule for sex addicts.

[19:30] The key difference between happy people and the rest of us.

[28:50] Handling triggers like kindergarteners handle fire drills.

[35:00] Understanding the emotions beneath the anger.

[44:01] Blaming others is the easiest form of denial.

[48:32] Manifestations of shame.

[54:00] Good things can happen if you’re willing to do the work.

[55:39] How can I address my supercharged emotions?

[1:00:41] Stop problematic behavior, then address the underlying issues.

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

● “Resilience is not a tool we are born with, it's a skill we can learn.”

● “Of all the tools I’ve given you, gratitude is the most powerful.”

● “Healthy coping skills and resiliency are inextricably linked.”

● “Practice using these tools when you’re safe, use them when you’re not.”

● “Big emotions rarely address the underlying emotion.”

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Rob and Tami answer listener questions about cheating, betrayal, sex and more. They address recovery, disclosure, and setting healthy boundaries throughout the recovery process, and offer a realistic timeline for partners to move from betrayal to intimacy and healing.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] My wife is using my body for sex. Is this just a libido mismatch?

[9:30] Setting boundaries after hearing sex threats.

[12:09] My partner and I are doing everything right. When will the next chapter start?

[18:15] A little about Dr. Rob’s books and his editor Scott.

[22:30] Is formal disclosure really necessary?

[25:51] How do we navigate the balance between romantic and sexual connection with the need for space and individual healing?

[28:18] Distinguishing between sexual entitlement and the need for validation.

[34:20] How does ADHD impact betrayal and recovery?

[37:08] My husband doesn’t want to label himself as a sex addict. Now what?

[45:37] How can I forgive and move on for my child while still navigating grief?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

● “There is no difference between a sex addict and someone who uses sex to self-regulate.”

● “In recovery, you’re learning to live life on a completely different plane than you did before.”

● “If you want to learn and keep moving forward, you will.”

● “You cannot make your partner do anything they don’t want to do.”

● “Forgiveness is something I do for myself.”