Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Trap a huge part of my breakthrough a few years ago, just before I started becoming securely attached.

Before I just could NOT understand...

Why does he pull away when you try to get closer? Why does it feel like the more you love, the more distance you create? 🌪

THIS will make so much more sense when you go deeper on attachment theory.

If you’re anxiously attached and dating (or married to) someone more avoidant, this episode will feel VERY familiar.

I’m sharing this not just from theory — but from my own relationship.

Years ago, when we lived together in a tiny room in London, my anxious attachment was constantly activated. I needed reassurance. I wanted closeness all the time. I didn’t even realize how critical and intense I was becoming.

And the more I reached for him… the more he shut down. The more I pushed to “fix it”… the more defensive and explosive he became.

That’s the anxious-avoidant trap.

One partner seeks closeness to feel safe. The other seeks space to feel safe.

And both end up feeling misunderstood, hurt, and dysregulated.

In this episode, I break down:

🖤 What the anxious-avoidant cycle really is 🖤 Why the more you chase, the more they withdraw 🖤 Why it’s not just “the avoidant’s fault” 🖤 The hidden “void” anxious partners try to fill 🖤 The 3 unmet core needs driving your anxiety (certainty, connection, significance) 🖤 Why co-regulation turns into emotional chaos 🖤 How I shifted from anxious to more secure — while staying in the same relationship

This isn’t about blaming you. And it’s not about blaming them.

It’s about understanding that both nervous systems are activated. Both people are trying to feel safe. Just in opposite ways.

And here’s the truth most people don’t say:

Your partner cannot fill a void that was created long before you met them.

Healing anxious attachment means learning to meet your own needs first — instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel whole.

Because when you regulate yourself… the dynamic changes.

And yes — avoidant partners can become more secure. Mine did. But only after I stopped chasing from fear.

If you constantly think: “Why does he pull away when I get close?” “Why do I feel abandoned so easily?” “Why am I the only one trying?”

This episode will help you see the pattern clearly - and what you can actually do about it.

CHAPTER:

00:00 Intro Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Trap 01:33 What is the Anxious-Avoidant Trap? 04:31 Why you're chasing closeness so much in relationships

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with you. Thought by thought. Action by action. Episode by episode.

Attachment Library + more offers ➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

How to thrive with an avoidant man, love an avoidant partner, and stop chasing in an anxious–avoidant relationship 🖤✨

If you have an anxious attachment style and you’re in a relationship with an avoidant man, this episode will feel painfully familiar 👀

I break down the anxious–avoidant cycle in simple words and show you why neutral moments suddenly feel threatening, why you lean in when he pulls away, and why chasing, fixing, or people-pleasing feels safe in the moment but creates more distance over time 🔄

We talk about how to live with an avoidant partner without walking on eggshells, how to love a dismissive avoidant man without losing yourself, and the four conditions that decide whether an anxious–avoidant relationship can actually work 💭

You’ll learn why it only takes one person to break the cycle, how emotional regulation changes the entire dynamic, and how to stop making your partner your only source of safety and reassurance 🧠✨

Then I share 7 practical rules that helped me and my clients feel calmer, more grounded, and more secure while staying in relationships with avoidant partners. This includes how to give space without panicking, speak up without criticism, and create closeness without pressure 🤍

This episode also naturally covers how to deal with an avoidant partner during stress or conflict, how to stop obsessing over his moods, and how to shift from fear-based attachment to clarity and self-trust 🫂

This is not about manipulation or making him change. It’s about changing the pattern and choosing yourself—thought by thought, action by action 🎙✨

Attachment Library + more offers ➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

CHAPTER:

00:00 What is the Anxious Avoidant Cycle? 06:19 4 Conditions to make the Anxious Avoidant Relationship work 12:22 How to THRIVE with your avoidant man

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

Avoidant attachment or narcissist? If you’re anxiously attached and dating someone emotionally unavailable, this question can feel impossible to answer.

In this episode, I explain the difference between avoidant attachment style and narcissism, and why anxious partners so often confuse the two.

Some behaviors look similar on the surface, but the intention, nervous system response, and emotional capacity underneath are very different.

You’ll learn how to tell: • avoidant attachment vs narcissistic behavior • dismissive avoidant or narcissist in conflict • shutdown vs gaslighting • emotional unavailability vs manipulation • love bombing vs avoidance in early dating • why boundaries reveal the truth quickly

I also explain: • how avoidant attachment is formed • how narcissistic tendencies develop • why anxious attachment is drawn to both • how your body signals emotional safety or danger

If you’ve ever searched: avoidant attachment or narcissist dismissive avoidant or narcissist how to tell if my partner is narcissistic or avoidant relationship red flags anxious attachment dating

this episode will give you clarity.

The real question isn’t what label your partner has. It’s whether your nervous system feels safe.. or stuck in a roller coaster of intensity, confusion, and self-doubt.

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding Attachment Styles and Narcissism 01:05 Conflict 02:19 Attention 04:06 Emotions 04:23 Boundaries 06:02 Early Dating 07:04 Intention 10:14 Upbringing

👇 RESOURCES 👇

💎 Courses ✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts

➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources Free Attachment Library + more offers ➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

In this episode, we break down the Brooklyn Beckham family situation through attachment theory 🧠✨ because THIS will reveal the truth, what's actually happening in the beckhams family life NOT gossip.

NOT drama.

NOT taking sides (well..maybe a little) let me know WHICH side you are on, TEAM Victoria or TEAM Nicola?

But real PSYCHOLOGY behind love, loyalty, power, and fear of abandonment

From one EX-anxious attached girl, to you, so you can learn from Brooklyn's dating mistakes..or heart break mistakes, as he is NOT even dating anymore.

We talk about:

➞ anxious attachment vs avoidant dynamics

➞ why romantic love can feel SAFER than family

➞ when “choosing your partner” turns into emotional survival

🚨 ➞ the cutting off family trend and when it’s healthy… and when it’s NOT 🚩

➞ how power, control, and unmet childhood needs show up in adult love This is NOT about blaming Brooklyn Beckham or Nicola Peltz.

This is about asking the deeper question 👀💭

“Where do I see MYSELF in this story?”

#brooklynbeckham #nicolapeltz #attachmenttheory #narcissism #relationshipredflags

If you’ve ever:

➞ over-chosen a partner 🫂

➞ felt torn between love and family 💔

➞ stayed loyal even when it hurt 🌪

➞ feared losing your relationship more than losing yourself 🥶

This episode is for YOU 🫶✨ 🎙 Unedited. Real.

Attachment theory explained simply.

Remember: change in your relationship starts with YOU. Thought by thought. Action by action. Episode by episode.

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding Attachment Theory 13:14 Analyzing Brooklyn's Attachment Style 27:01 Exploring Nicola's Background and Behavior 36:28 Cutting off the family TREND (is Brooklyn's Beckham's behavior justified?)

👇 RESOURCES 👇

💎 Courses ✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts

➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources Free Attachment Library + more offers ➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

If you’re still anxiously attached… If you still overthink texts If silence feels like danger If you’re tired of feeling “too much” or not enough

This episode is for YOU.

In this podcast, I share 26 practical, real-life things you can start doing in 2026 to finally heal anxious attachment and become SECURELY ATTACHED not just in love, but in life.

Because this work doesn’t just change your relationships. It changes your ANXIETY, your MENTAL HEALTH, your BODY, your CAREER, your SELF-ESTEEM

I was anxiously attached for 30+ years. And becoming secure changed EVERYTHING for me.

Not just how I love. But how I breathe. How I sleep. How I show up How safe I feel inside myself.

Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 40s — This is some of the most IMPORTANT WORK you’ll ever do.

Because what’s the point of: ➞ money ➞ holidays ➞ birthdays ➞ success ➞ relationships

…if you feel anxious, insecure, and disconnected from yourself inside? 🚩

In this episode, you’ll learn how to: ★ Stop outsourcing your safety to a partner ★ Calm your nervous system (for REAL) ★ Self-soothe instead of spiraling ★ Set boundaries through ACTION, not begging 🚦 ★ Stop overgiving + start receiving 🤍 ★ Sit in discomfort without panicking ★ Heal old wounds instead of reliving them ★ Become your OWN source of security 🔒

This is not theory. This is PRACTICAL. This is DOABLE. This is LIFE-CHANGING. 🦸🏼‍♀️✨

🎧 Grab a pen. 📓 Take notes. 🫂 Be gentle with yourself.

Your younger YOU deserves this. Your future YOU is counting on you. 💎🫶

💌 Want my support? You can reach out via email to check if I currently have 1:1 coaching spots available. I coach via WhatsApp or 1:1 video calls. 🛎✨

Sending you a secure, calm, empowered 2026 Where you STOP proving. STOP shrinking. And START choosing YOU.

Love, Jula

👇 RESOURCES 👇

💎 Courses ✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts

➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources Free Attachment Library + more offers ➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Introduction to Anxious Attachment and Healing 03:19 00 Delay Caffeine when you wake up 05:09 01 Check if you’re really anxiously attached 06:00 02 Define what “securely attached” means for YOU 10:02 03 Identify your most impactful areas to work on 11:35 04 Shift focus from your partner to YOU 12:57 05 Have a backup plan ready 15:30 06 Learn to self-soothe 18:03 07 Self-soothe through physical touch 19:01 08 Acts of service for yourself 20:04 09 Gifts for yourself 20:57 10 Learn to RECEIVE 22:54 11 Be consistent 23:34 12 Focus on what you can control 24:47 13 Identify core needs vs. anxious rules 26:39 14 Boundaries through action, not words 28:53 15 Reassure yourself first 29:28 16 Stop bullying yourself 30:16 17 Remove triggers & surround yourself with secure energy 31:14 18 Envision your secure self every morning 32:25 19 Name your emotions out loud 33:32 20 Do body scans 35:11 21 Pause before reactive behavior 36:15 22 Identify your real fears 37:55 23 Recognize triggers from your past 39:28 24 Prioritize YOU 40:28 25 Learn to sit in discomfort 41:54 26 Talk to your younger self

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

36 LESSONS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, ATTACHMENT & SELF-WORTH 🎙✨🖤

This episode is for you if you’ve ever loved deeply… and lost yourself in the process 🫂💔

👇 RESOURCES 👇

💎 Courses ✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts

➞ https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources Free Attachment Library ➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

If you’ve ever: ➞ overthought every text 📱⛈ ➞ confused anxiety with intuition 🔮🚩 ➞ stayed too long because of hope 🎢 ➞ abandoned your routines, friends, or goals for love ➞ felt “too much” and “not enough” at the same time 🥶🔥

These 36 lessons are not theory. They’re lived. Felt. Learned the hard way 💎🧠✨

This episode is about anxious attachment, emotional safety, boundaries, self-esteem, self-worth, friendships, and secure love. Not in a perfect, polished way. But in a real, honest, nervous-system-level way 🫂🔒

You’ll hear why secure people don’t chase, they attract. Not because they’re lucky. But because they choose themselves first 🖤✨

You’ll learn how your body knows before your brain does. Why butterflies aren’t always a green flag. And how tight chests, knots in your stomach, and “chemistry” can actually be your past asking for attention 🚩🪞

We talk about boundaries. Why they don’t push the right people away. Why they filter out what no longer matches your energy. And why people-pleasing was never keeping you safe in the first place 🔒✨

You’ll hear the truth about “boring” love. Why healthy love can feel unfamiliar when chaos felt like home. And how peace becomes the most exciting thing once your nervous system learns it’s safe 🌤🧘🏼‍♀️

This episode breaks down why chemistry without safety is often trauma bonding. Why you don’t need one soulmate. Why slow, steady connections deserve time. And how peace doesn’t mean lack of passion long-term 💛🔥

We also talk about self-esteem. Not the fluffy kind. The real kind 💪🏽🖤

You’ll learn why self-esteem grows through actions, not affirmations alone. Why tiny brave acts change your attachment patterns. And how choosing yourself consistently changes who chooses you 💎

There’s also truth about growth. How you may lose people as you heal. Why that’s not a failure. And how outgrowing old dynamics is often a sign you’re finally coming back to yourself 🦋✨

You’ll hear why love should add to your life, not become your whole life. Why interdependence beats obsession. And how missing someone doesn’t automatically mean they belong in your future 🫂🚪

We talk about nervous system regulation. Why the same relationship feels different when YOU are regulated. Why you stop sending anxious paragraphs. Why you stop abandoning yourself first 🧠🔒

And finally, the truth that changes everything: Hope is not a strategy. Action is.

If something in your life isn’t working, waiting won’t fix it. Healing requires movement. Boundaries. New standards. New choices ✨💥

This episode is a mirror. Not to judge you. But to remind you who you are 🪞🖤

Listen if you’re ready to stop chasing love… and start choosing yourself.

Because your healing doesn’t start with someone else changing. It starts with YOU. Thought by thought. Action by action. And one honest decision at a time

🖤 About me I’m Jula, an attachment style coach. I help women heal trust issues, stop chasing, and build secure love ✨

💌 Work with me ➞ All offers: https://tr.ee/PInPmy

WhatsApp Coaching ➞ https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk

CHAPTERS:

Part 02:

00:00 intro 36 Lessons about love, attachment, self-esteem etc 00:36 lesson 19 05:04 lesson 25 10:01 lesson 30 13:05 lesson 35

14:52 lesson 35

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

Why do affirmations sometimes make you MORE anxious instead of calm? 🌪 Why do they feel fake… forced… or even triggering? 🧨 And why do you end up overthinking MORE after saying them? 🧠💭

If you’ve ever thought: ➞ “Affirmations don’t work for me.” ➞ “I feel worse after saying them.” ➞ “They just make me more aware of my fears.”

You’re not broken 🫂 You’re not doing it wrong 🖤 Your brain is just doing EXACTLY what it’s designed to do 🔒🧠

In this episode, I explain why most affirmations don’t work for anxious attachment — and how they can actually strengthen your abandonment fears, texting anxiety, and relationship overthinking 🚩

You’ll learn: ✨ Why your brain hears fear words FIRST ✨ Why repeating affirmations without feeling them backfires ✨ Why big “I am secure” statements get rejected ✨ Why timing matters more than repetition ✨ Why your BODY must feel safe before your mind believes

And then I walk you through a simple 5-step action plan to make affirmations ACTUALLY work — in real life, in real relationships, during real triggers 💪🏽🖤

This is for you if: ➞ You overthink texts 📱 ➞ You panic when there’s space or silence 🌪 ➞ You feel needy, clingy, or “too much” 🩹 ➞ You want secure attachment but don’t know how to get there 🗝

No fluff. No toxic positivity. No lying to your nervous system.

Just attachment-safe tools that calm your body, rewire your brain, and help you feel steady inside yourself 🔒✨

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding Affirmations and Attachment Anxiety 01:03 Why changing your limiting beliefs is important to becoming securely attached 02:28 01. The brain hears words literally 05:10 02. Repeating without feeling doesn’t work 10:28 03. You affirmations are NOT believable 13:46 04. You're not repeating it in the RIGHT moment 17:11 05. Aligning Actions with Affirmations 20:02 How to become secure with coaching 23:23 5 Steps how to make affirmations work for love, secure attachment and self-esteem 32:05 Bottom line

👇 RESOURCES 👇

💎 Courses ✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts

➞ https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources Free Attachment Library ➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

🖤 About me I’m Jula, an attachment style coach. I help women heal trust issues, stop chasing, and build secure love ✨

💌 Work with me ➞ All offers: https://tr.ee/PInPmy

WhatsApp Coaching ➞ https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.