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In this podcast short, Susan Stageman shares insights on effective goal-setting and reflects on a helpful exercise she completed in December. She encourages listeners to review their past accomplishments and connect them to current goals, emphasizing the importance of valuing and aligning goals with personal interests. Susan also discusses the value of setting goals outside of work and recommends the book "Orbiting the Giant Hairball" by Gordon McKenzie for those seeking to navigate corporate structures creatively. She concludes by expressing her willingness to assist others in NLP training and encourages listeners to share her podcast with anyone who might benefit from it.

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In this episode of the Brain Language Podcast, Susan and Morgan discussed strategies for managing stress and resetting for the new year. They explored various techniques, including outcome focus, the Circle of Excellence exercise, deep breathing, meditation, and being present. Morgan shared insights on using breath modulation to manage anxiety, while Susan emphasized the importance of setting realistic standards and boundaries. They also discussed the impact of sugar and alcohol on stress levels and suggested going back to regular eating habits for better health. The episode concluded with advice to review 2025 and set goals for 2026 with a clear mind, acknowledging stress as a warning light that requires attention.

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In this episode, we explore anchors and anchoring, a simple to complex process in NLP designed to change our moods and states. Discussed are the different types of anchors, stimulus-response, how anchors work, the importance of anchors, the use of kinesthetic anchors for change, and where to start. Included is an example of a collapsed reality: adding a resource to a problem experience.

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It seems you can lead the horse to water and it will drink! You need patience! Patience is what is necessary to influence and persuade: taking people's maps into new territories.

Matching, pacing, and leading are foundational concepts in NLP, crucial for establishing rapport, understanding another person’s model of the world, and guiding them towards desired outcomes. It’s an important part of many NLP methods and processes, and can often be the key skill to making those processes effective. It’s also a very effective stand-alone tool for enhancing our own communication ability. BUT most people think of the mechanics of MPL, rather than MPL as an art.

MPL is a critical and basic skill that communication is based on. No one is going anywhere if you aren't good at matching and pacing.

Key Points:

· Matching, Pacing, and Leading work together

· If you lead too quickly or too strongly, you can lose rapport and will need to reestablish it through matching and pacing.

· You can match, pace, and lead someone in a brief interaction or over a series of longer interactions.

· You can apply these concepts with your friends and family, work relationships, sales interactions, consulting work, presentations, coaching, therapy, etc.

· Doing this successfully can reduce resistance to new ideas and perspectives, increase choice, and help us and others get what we want more easily.

The podcast also describes an exercise to help strengthen your skills.

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Many people find that as they move through life that they have to shift gears…a new job, a new career, family, divorce, move. Many people are looking for that “new path” when they study NLP.

As we prepare for these shifts, a great way to start is to develop a set of presuppositions and guiding questions to steer the change. This will ensure that the change will stay in place. This is the step before any planning or goal setting, or even belief changes.

This episode is a 5-step process to help you develop these presuppositions and guiding questions.

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NLP for Emotional Regulation

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the capacity to recognize, understand, and navigate your emotions and those of others. It includes Self-Awareness, Emotional Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills.

What is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional Regulation (ER) is a component of EQ strategies for managing their intensity and expression and intentionally creating emotional states you want. ER skills give you greater choice over your emotional experience.

NLP provides a variety of simple, effective, and unique methods and strategies for achieving this.

Why is ER Important?

ER is important because so much of our human experience involves our emotional states. Having the right emotional state for a situation can help us perform better.

NLP Methods for Regulating Emotions

Learning NLP

4-Tuple

Anchoring

Submodality Changes

Swish Patterns

Break State- pattern interrupt

Meta Model

Modeling: sit up straight, smile, look up.

Reframing

Acting as if – one of the foundational pillars of NLP

Pleasant Emotional States

Intentionally experiencing and amplifying states such as:

- Gratitude

- Appreciation

- Peace

- Confidence

- Curiosity:

Having access to pleasant/resourceful states can help us maintain physical and emotional health and energize us during difficult situations or periods in our lives.

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The Not-So-Subtle Art of Complaining

Most of us complain, but is it good or bad? What makes it productive or toxic?

Overview of what will be covered:

• Common language patterns of complaining
• The benefits and downsides of complaining
• How to shift from chronic complaining

The Language of Complaints

This was discovered by using AI to analyze posts on a social media platform that contained complaints. We then used the NLP Meta Model pattern to refine the search and find the 8 most common language patterns in complaints. Four of the most common patterns fit into the Meta Model, and AI discovered four patterns that are unique to complaining.

Discuss the top 8 common language patterns of complaining​:

• Negative Personal Attribution (e.g., “He’s rude,” “They’re such idiots.”) Lost Evaluator or Lost Performative
• Absolute Overgeneralization – Never, Always, Nothing, etc. (“They never listen”) Universal Quantifier
• Modal Operators – Can’t, Should, Need to (“She should know better.”)
• Cause/Effect Statements (“Because they lied, I’m mad,” “He’s late again, so it’s pointless now.”)
• Rhetorical Venting Questions - Why and How (“Why are people so annoying?”)
• Hyperbolic Adverbs – Totally, Absolutely, Completely (“This is totally unfair”)
• “Keeps” Phrases - (“She keeps yelling.” “This keeps happening.”)
• Sarcasm - “Thanks/Good Job” (“Oh, great job!”)

Recognizing these patterns can help us avoid chronic complaining, lessen its negative impact on ourselves, or better understand how to deal with people who complain to us.

The Positive Side of Complaining

• Exploring how complaining can be beneficial​:
• One of the NLP presuppositions is “All behavior is useful in some context.” When does complaining serve a useful purpose?

The Dark Side of Complaining

Strategies to Overcome Chronic Complaining in Ourselves

Key Takeaways:

• Complaining isn’t inherently bad—it depends on the purpose and frequency.
• Recognizing language patterns can help us become more mindful of our complaints.
• Finding balance is key - venting is okay, but chronic negativity is damaging.
• Practical ways to shift from unhelpful complaining to productive problem-solving.

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1. What is TimeLine?

A Timeline is a visual, linear experience of how someone codes and stores time. In NLP timeline is a term used to describe how we internally represent time. We internally represent the past, present, and future differently. The concept was originally laid out in the TimeLine Therapy and the Basis of Personality by Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall. It was a project given to them by Richard Bandler. Timeline can be used to create goal representations as well as heal past traumas.

2. How can TL be used to establish goals and make them more real and likely to be achieved?

Since the timeline is a visual linear representation of time, putting pictures of goals on the TL can create spatial representations of what and when something might happen.

3. Before using TL for goals establish clear goals and outcomes.

Remember that goal setting and reaching is a process. It is more complex than just creating an image inside your head and saying this is what I want.

The first step is to verbalize your goal in active language (versus passive language). E.g. Make $100,000 in revenue by Dec. 31, 2025. As compared to I want to be able to make …. Or I want to be better at sales. (This is not specific and uses a comparative deletion “better” which makes it difficult for the brain to figure out exactly what you mean.)

Make the statement crisp and clean

Establish what you want using the NLP outcome frame. This helps define details, set a direction, specify contexts, handle ecology, and create a sensory-based representation using all three primary senses. Answer all of the questions in the outcome frame.

Now you are ready to create a timeline representation of the goal.

4. What is the specific process?

Remember that goals usually have action steps. Divide the goal into 3 action steps with time frames. Now you are ready to place on the timeline. This process works best if you walk the timeline and use spatial anchors.

Future pacing:

What is the overall time frame for accomplishing this outcome or goal?

Select a concrete goal or project to be accomplished in 12 months; create 3-time chunks between the present and the achievement. Now use the time line to place pictures in sequence. Notice the difference in your feeling of achieving the goal.

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