Lists can be either effective or excessive. They can help us to organize and prioritize what we need to do, and it feels great to cross things off. But they can also be very one-sided. Too often they are only about all the things we are supposed to do rather than the things we want to do. Why do lists have to be so bloody demanding, rather than allowing? Lists can be a place where you take a stand in allowing yourself to do the things you usually don’t let yourself do. And that can actually make you more, rather than less, effective.

But this goes deeper than just the practicalities of how you manage a list. It’s also about the cultivation of your personality—individuation and becoming whole. It’s about who’s driving your car, and what parts of you get locked in the trunk.

Most people get happier as they reach their 50s, 60s and 70s. But people who are obsessive, compulsive and perfectionistic may miss out on the potential benefits. Their default strategy of control can block the those benefits, and leave them metaphorically pushing a rock up a hill, only to have it come crashing down again. The solution is to relinquish some control and welcome all the aging has to offer.

We often hear that we need to be able to let go, let go of things like resentment, control, limited identity, and replaying that embarrassing episode from last year’s Christmas party. But letting go wasn’t covered in the curriculum at your grammar school, or middle school, or high school. So today we’re going to talk about how to develop this skill. It takes practice and courage, but it is possible to learn.