Confidence sells. We all know this instinctively. If we meet a salesperson who seems doubtful about their solution or unconvinced it is the right thing for us, then we won’t buy from them. The flip side is the con man. They are brimming with brio, oozing charm and pouring on the surety. They are crooks and we can fall for their shtick, because we buy their confidence. They are usually highly skilled communicators as well, so the combo of massive confidence paired with fluency overwhelms us and we buy. We soon regret being conned but we are more cautious thereafter every time we meet a salesperson. By the way, there is a good chance we are that next salesperson.

So how do we navigate the rapids and the rocks here of coming across as confident and being skilful in describing our solution, without tripping the client’s internal con man alarm system”? Ultimately it comes down to your kokorogamae. This Japanese compound word can be translated as our “true intention”. What are we on about with this sales lark? Who are we showing up for – ourselves or the client’s best interests?

With con men it is always their self interest. They keep moving like a shark, swimming around constantly in motion, always looking for something to devour. If we sit down and examine ourselves we can make a decision. Are we in sales as a profession – yes or no? If the answer is no, then please get out of sales immediately. Go. Do something else, because the rest of us, who want to be professional, don’t want you polluting our waters. If the answer is “yes”, then examine what does “professional” actually mean to you?

We can get caught up in the finer points of sales technique, but what I am asking is please look at sales and ask what is my true intention here? If it is to serve the best interests of the buyer then we are getting on the right track. If the answer included to serve the buyer forever and to be aiming for the reorder, rather than the sale, then go to the top of the class. That mentality is the antithesis of the con man who knows they have to leave town after the sale, because they have cheated the buyer and can’t expect any further business – ever.

There is a successful businessman I know, who told me a story about his early days in sales. He sold an inferior product and the client would only come to realise that reality following the purchase, when the product itself was consumed. He had to have a big territory from his company, because he could never go back to a town he had sold into. I had liked him but after hearing that story I liked him a lot less. He knew the product was inferior and was not matching the claims he was making. He was confident and fluent. In other words, he was a con man. His kokorogamae was incorrect and I am wary of him because I am not sure about his mentality in business today. Maybe he has reformed, but I am in no hurry to find out at the cost of my own personal business.

If our true intention is correct, then being confident and fluent come into their own. The way we think about the business changes. We see the lifetime value of the business rather than a transaction. That means the effort we make to serve the client changes. The follow up is done in a different and superior way. The client feels our commitment to their success. We obviously ask particular questions which would only be of interest to someone who was committed to serving the buyer. We are thinking as if this was our business and we are looking for ways to build it higher. The questions around that aim are a lot different to discussions of the features of the widget and the needed logistics to supply it. We are thinking and talking beyond the initial sale.

So ask yourself – what is my kokorogamae? What types of questions am I asking – are they transactional or long term oriented? Am I communicating well enough my commitment to help this buyer succeed or am I only operating at a very superficial, order taker level? Am I thinking about potential buyer problems down the track and how to fix them? Have I wrapped my confidence up in truth? Record your presentation and have a good listen to it. Are you coming across as (A) a very basic provider of transactional solutions (B) a con man or (C) a true sales professional who has sorted out their kokorogamae? If the answer wasn’t (C) then there is a lot of work to be done on you by you!

Buying from people we like and trust makes a lot of sense. Sometimes we have no choice and will hold our nose and buy from people we don’t like. Buying anything from people we don’t trust is truly desperate. So when we flip the switch and we become the seller to the buyer, how can we pass the smell and desperation tests? How do you establish trust and likeability when you are on a virtual call with a new potential client? What do you do about those new buyers who won’t even turn on their camera during the call?

The best defense against buyer scepticism is to be professional. You will be well presented whether face to face or online. In the latter case, you will have a background that advertises your firm and hides the background of your home, because this reduces the distraction factor. You will use gestures which are in front of your body, so that your arms are not suddenly cut off by the fake background. You will be sitting up straight in your chair and looking straight at the lens on the computer camera, which you have cleverly arranged to be at eye level.

In a face to face meeting, we are communicating quite a lot through our body language, so we are going to be sending out messages of confidence, credibility and trustworthiness. We are going to be well dressed for all meetings regardless of the medium. That means put on your business battle dress, which means a jacket and tie for men in the online meeting as well, so that we are not looking too casual.

We are going to be precise and clear in our language, with no filler words like ums and ahs diluting the message and annoying the buyer. Online, the body language factor can be tricky, especially if we are showing any documents or slides on screen. In these cases, we are reduced to a tiny box on screen and so is the client. The lesson here is to not show too much information on screen such that the size of the faces is maximized, so that we can each read as much body language information as possible.

What about those Japanese clients who only turn on the sound? We are now at the equivalent of a phone call, except that they can see you and you cannot see them. We have a couple of choices. I don’t match them with turning my camera off to even out the stakes. I still want to exude credibility and the camera gives me more scope to do that, than the audio only.

We have to grab the opportunity of the sales call and we, not the buyer, have to run the meeting. Right from the start, I ask them to turn their camera on. This is difficult for our Japanese staff to do, because for them the buyer is God. If the omnipresent deity doesn’t want to reveal themselves to mere mortals, then what right has the lowly supplicant salesperson to demand that of God?

Nevertheless, we have to train them on how to do that. We need to say to the buyer, “Thank you for your time today for this meeting, I appreciate it given I am sure you are very busy. Over the last few years, I have done a lot of these meetings online and they always seem to be more productive for both sides, when we both turn the cameras on, so let’s both turn our cameras on today for this brief meeting”. Now what comes next is the key component. Shut up and do not say one word, no matter how much awkward painful silence ensues. Sit there and wait for them.

Isn’t this risky? In my view, if they won’t even come on camera, how successful do you imagine you are going to be selling them something? By definition they are not a buyer and you are better to go find someone who can turn their camera on and can buy. What happens if they say they prefer not to turn their camera on? Mentally reduce the prospects of a subsequent positive outcome to a substantial negative integer and carry on as best you can. A non-buyer is a non-buyer, online or in person but in sales you often have to grit your teeth and just plough on.

All very depressing isn’t it. To just to end on a real downer, let me relate a recent story from the sales trenches here in Tokyo. My salesguy cold calls a company here. The person answering the phone says, “we do not deal with people we are not already dealing with”. Being the supreme optimist from sunny Australia, I encourage him to go once more into the breach and call again at a different time. Potentially he might encounter a different person and hopefully receive a better reception. He did just that and he got exactly the same response from another member of staff, “we do not deal with people we are not already dealing with”. As we say here, “welcome to Japan!”.