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- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

'Brain, I'm telling you - you don't fight fair. Underhand. Dirty. I'm trying to do this for us. Are you listening to me?'

I do a strange thing with everyone of my Sex Addiction clients. Multi-talented as I am, I do brain surgery on each one. (Mine is a bit crude and I don't use anaesthesia!)

I cut off the top of the skull of each of my clients. I lift their brain out of their skull and put it on the chair next to them. (Don't forget to take it with you when you leave client).

Why do I do something so bizarre like that? I want to highlight the fact that in Sex Addiction work, your brain is NOT necessarily your best friend. It will sabotage. It will work against you. (At least initially, until it gets to know and like the repeated good outcomes and also built-in 'Treats & Rewards').

It does not like me the Therapist. It does not trust me and is cautioning you against me. After-all, you are working with me to dismantle and take away a coping strategy which your brain gave you all those many years ago - which it believes 'works' and has been 'working' for many years, to manage you; the Addiction.

Here is what a further conversation with your brain on the other chair, might sound like: "They work. So why are you and that busy-body Therapist seeking to dismantle them? Even worse; I don't know what you are going to replace them with and so why should I trust you, work with you and help you? I am going to put up a fight and give you Cognitive Distortions. That will dilute the truth of your situation(s), so that you give up this Recovery Programme attempt at changing what works - good enough all those past years''.

Your brain on the other chair has diluted and trivialised the shame impact, the damage caused and the poorer quality of life. As if it has amnesia.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Undistort your Cognitive Distortions. How?

What are Cognitive Distortions? Examples might be:

'All guys do it', 'At least I am no longer visiting porn sites', 'I'll only be on here for 5 minutes, no longer', 'What I do, is not as bad as...', 'What an horrendous day. I deserve....', 'I can't help it'

It is reasonable for you to have a conversation with your brain, like this: "Brain, you are supposed to be on my side. There are times when I have found you out. You have not been telling me the whole truth. Whose side are you on in this Addiction Recovery journey? What is this that I am learning about you giving me Cognitive Distortions?"

Unless you spot a Cognitive Distortion, you won't realise that you are just 10 Minutes away from 'Acting out' and you are at Preparation Stage on the Cycle of Sex Addiction:

ACTING OUT ---> REGRET --> RECONSTITUTION -->DORMANT -->TRIGGER --PREPARATION -->ACTING OUT -->

When you recognise and see the Cognitive Distortion, don't debate with it; don't question its truth; don't linger; don't procrastinate. Immediately R.U.N. (We will look at R.U.N in a future episode).

For now, you need space away from the place where the 'Acting out' WILL take place, in order to undistorted your Cognition - your Thinking.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Negative Core Beliefs are often hidden from view. Often disguised; but masquerade as truths.

They live in the unconscious. Not easily touchable. They work away in the hidden place doing their worst. They are uninvited guests. They have over stayed their invitation; live rent free and are doing damage, which adversely impacts quality of living life. They need to be gone after and expelled.

Since you cannot change that which you cannot see - because they live in the unconscious - you have to go hunting for them. Get your hunting gear on. We are going hunting.

Remember 'C' first, then 'B' follows in CBT. Your (C)ognitive will always lead to your eventual (B)ehaviour. Don't try to first change the 'B'. Begin with the 'C'. Negative Core Beliefs are a part of the 'C'.

You need to find them, recognise them, acknowledge them, highlight them, then get ready to turf them out - as you progress through the Change Process.

What are these 'Negative Core Beliefs'? They are an individuals most central ideas and Beliefs about themselves (and can also be about others and the world). They act as a lens through which the person takes their vantage point - through which they view self, life and experiences. They can be all encompassing. Very global. Very rigid Beliefs.

Negative Core Beliefs are Harmful Core Beliefs. They lead to Negative Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviours. Examples are: 'I am a failure', 'I am weak', 'I am unloveable', 'No one likes me', 'I don't deserve....', 'People can't be trusted'.

They are hard to own and accept that they have been bought into; yet, they have been in residency for years, rent free (would you believe it!)

Time to see them out; on their way; good riddance; hasta la vista.

Understand that over time, keeping them going is arduous, labour intensive (without knowing it) and leads to an increased desire to self-soothe by 'Acting out'. That is why Negative Core Beliefs are a big deal in the Recovery Process.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachmen