What are boundaries and why are they so important, especially to survivors of sexual abuse? Why does your communication style matter when setting boundaries? How do you respond to others disbelief when you come forward? Learn how to assess how you set boundaries now and what needs to change in order to set healthy boundaries. Learn the tools you need to know how to set boundaries to those who do not have your best interest.

When you don’t know how to set boundaries you can be too trusting or share too much to people who are not supportive of your needs. On the other hand, holding your past inside for years or decades can impact you physically and mentally.

Not knowing how to assert you needs can make you feel like you are not in control of your life. Not knowing how to set boundaries can make you feel voiceless.

Setting boundaries represents how you feel inside. When you set boundaries, you are demonstrating to yourself and to the world that you accept yourself, you value yourself, and believe that you deserve to be treated with respect.

In this episode, which is part II of the 2-part series on Boundaries, I define what boundaries are, help you assess your boundary style currently and give real-life examples of how to set boundaries to people in your life. I also have a bonus section in this episode where you can click the link to download called Assessing Your Boundaries form and the HEAL Setting Boundaries form.

Today, you’ll will hear about:

- Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others.

- Setting healthy personal boundaries … comes as you are getting stronger in the process of healing and from understanding your self-worth.

- A friend is not a professional … and can make you feel misunderstood or … they may not know how to comfort you. Not because they don’t want to but because they are not familiar with how to address the information shared with them.

- When you have been sexually abused, you can find yourself surrounded by boundary violating people.

- Now Creating boundaries can cause a sense of guilt because you may feel that you are hurting someone’s feelings.

- Boundaries define who you are as an individual. They outline your likes and dislikes and expose your weaknesses.

- Setting and maintaining boundaries can be challenging, especially in the face of disbelief and invalidation.

Listen in, get ready to take some notes, and get ready for your next breakthrough learning how to set boundaries!

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#17 – Why Setting Boundaries Is So Hard - Part I

The Wendy M. Johnson Show

Why is setting boundaries so hard and what barriers stop you from speaking up? Letting go of your ‘old roles,’ separating yourself from the abuse, and finding your true authentic self is vital to learning how to set boundaries.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone said something offensive to you and you did not know how to respond? And there was that awkward pause in the conversation.

Or maybe it happens to you a lot and you don’t know why. Well, get ready because this episode goes deep into what holds you back from setting boundaries and it’s not just about knowing the right words to say, it’s much deeper than that.

Let’s be honest, the thought of setting boundaries is uncomfortable for anyone, and especially for survivors. You might think it is so much easier not to say anything and continue to let others treat you horribly but actually that route takes so much more effort and diminishes your self-worth.

At the end of the day, people just want to feel they are respected in all their relationships, but why is it so hard, especially for survivors?

In this episode, which is part I of a 2-part series, I reveal what barriers stop you from setting boundaries, and dive deep into how the ‘roles’ you took on after the abuse affect you, how a victim identity can overshadow asserting your needs and why tapping into your authentic self helps you to set clear boundaries.

Today, you will hear about:

- [2:43] The boundaries we set or don’t set showcase the insecurities and strengths we feel.

- [8:32] If you blame yourself for the abuse then it is really hard to set boundaries … because you start to see yourself as the problem in arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings.

- [16:08] The Struggle with a victim identity is that as a survivor you can often internalize the role of a victim, … When you view yourself primarily through the lens of your victimization, it becomes challenging to assert your needs and limits.

- [20:38] …You will find setting boundaries to be more comfortable because you will have a healthier self-worth and that brings about self-respect and when you respect yourself, you will respect your needs and how to express them.

- [24:19] You can control how others treat you now as an adult by healing and restoring your self-worth.

Listen in, get ready to take some notes, and get ready for your next breakthrough learning about why setting boundaries is so hard!

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Download:

HEAL® Setting Boundaries Form

#15 – Parents are Protectors for our Children

The Wendy M. Johnson Show

Parents are Protectors for our Children: Parents roles, past trauma risk factors and how to protect your children

Parents are our first line of defense to protect our children, yet their past trauma can be a risk factor in the way a person parents. Knowing what you can do to protect your children is crucial in stopping the cycle of sexual abuse.

Understanding the critical role of you as a parent in preventing abuse in your children’s life is such an important privilege.

The abusive “family belief system and environment where the abuse occurred has a role in the disruption of relationships of the adult survivor. Past trauma of sexual abuse along with other types of child maltreatment, neglect, and adversities create risk factors that disrupt a mother’s ability to comfort, nurture, care for, and protect her child…The risk factor includes understanding that sexual abuse can be passed forward into the next generation, as well as the belief system that sustains it.” (1)

As parent survivors, we are the number one defense to protecting our children. Do not let your own abuse cause the cycle to continue but let it be a catalyst to stopping it.

So, what can parents do to protect their children? Get the help you need for your own healing journey, get help to protect and prevent it from happening to your children and learn to communicate clearly with your children about what abuse is and how to report about it if it happens.

That’s what today’s episode is all about. So, take some ‘me’ time, put your headphones on and listen in private to a message that can help you learn what you can do to protect your children.

Here’s a glance at this episode…

- [4:00] Parents are our children’s number one protectors against abuse

- [5:56] When you are a survivor of sexual abuse your children can become a high risk for being abused.

- [12:32] One of the risk factors stemming from childhood sexual abuse is that re-victimization to women and their children, is likely to occur when mothers continue to have a relationship or contact with the perpetrator who sexually abused them

- [20:15] As a parent you need to be a communicator. A healthy communicator.

Take your healing seriously – the next generation is counting on it.

Listen in, get ready to take some notes, and get ready for your next breakthrough with learning your role as a survivor parent, overcome sexual abuse risk factors, and learn how to protect your children!

Click here to listen!

Rate, Review, and Follow me on Apple Podcasts

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. I’m uploading new bonus episodes to the feed and, if you’re not following, there’s a good chance you’ll miss out.

Follow Now!