Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

• In porn/sex addiction recovery resources, most of them seem to recommend a celibacy period of at least 90 days. My husband, who is a recovering porn addict, uses 1 Corinthians 7:5 to say that is unbiblical, saying that if we "deprive each other" then we will be more likely to fall into temptation. If the celibacy period is truly something that is worth doing to speed up recovery, how do I combat that argument about him saying it is unbiblical?
• What about if my husband relapses during those 90 days? What if we give in and have sex during those 90 days? For both of those prior questions, does this mean that the 90 days should start over?
• What changes happen in the brain due to an abstinence period? Will those changes only happen if someone chooses to do an abstinence period?

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Cleaning Up The Mental Mess

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• What do I do if my boundaries are not honored and my spouse continues to gaslight me and make me feel like the mean one?
• What is the best way to come up with boundaries and what are some good boundaries?
• We have been doing "recovery" for 6 years now. My husband cannot go more than 6 months white knuckling sobriety before diving back into addiction—then lying and telling me he’s sober. I’ve tried setting boundaries and consequences, but nothing sticks. I need help.

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Recovery Action Plan Podcast Episode

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband is in a Pure Desire group but does the bare minimum. He says he’s sober and offended that I don’t trust him. He says he will always resent me for asking for a polygraph. Should my husband’s attitude toward me change with recovery?
• Is it an unrealistic expectation that my husband wouldn't fantasize about other women?
• Will my husband always be a sex addict and want his addiction more than me?

Listen Now!

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• How do I process my own betrayal from his porn addiction and abusing my daughters and their friends?
• How do I reconcile with my daughter, who was sexually abused by her dad, whom I'm still married to?
• We have not resumed anything sexual, hardly even touching, as we work with a coach on building intimacy emotionally and spiritually in our relationship. I realized recently that I feel like it will be betraying my daughters to enter a sexual relationship with my husband again. Is it possible to recover and heal from all of this?

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Betrayal & Beyond

Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships

Authentically You

Free Counseling Consultation

Seven Pillars

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group and my husband is in a Seven Pillars group. We are working through this painful process. I’m curious about what specifically men are seeking out that they are not being provided with by their partners? Are we talking about specific acts, positions, role playing? I would love to understand what makes pornography better than me.
• Part of my addicted spouse’s acting out is using me for sex. When it appears he’s doing work, and sex is back in the picture, he goes to cruise control and stops doing his recovery work. Then I feel unsafe and uncared for and used, and he gets upset, and the cycle starts all over again. What would you advise?
• Although my husband is not engaging in porn or masturbation, he does engage in “flashes” and fantasy while having sex with me. He says this is not breaking his sobriety, and according to our counselor it is. I feel violated, used, and betrayed. Can you help me understand more about the issues of “flashes” and fantasy?

Full Episode On Youtube

Betrayal & Beyond

Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships

Authentically You

Seven Pillars

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• When my husband's secret affair life was exposed, I felt like I had to have sex all of the time to keep him from cheating. Now, he doesn't know how to have sex (or true intimacy) because sex was always "done to him." How do we work through all of this?
• How do I deal with my husband not being sexually interested in me?
• My husband is doing well with his recovery, but I can't get past feeling violated and having attacks on my mind during sex. What should I do?

Pure Desire Podcast For Sex During Recovery

Peace Beyond The Tears

Full Episode On Youtube

Betrayal & Beyond

Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships

Authentically You

Seven Pillars

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• I'm the only one in my group whose husband is not working on recovery or counseling of any kind. How do I navigate this, not manipulate or give ultimatums, and keep myself safe as I engage in this healing process alone?
• For me to feel safe and start rebuilding trust, I’ve asked to see my husband’s emails, but he refuses. He won’t join a men’s recovery group. I don’t know how to deal with this. Am I being unreasonable? I keep thinking something else is coming.
• After years of deception, affairs, porn use, and who knows what, I finally had my breaking point. He was willing to walk away rather than work through it. He could never tell me why. I struggle every day with the why's… And I struggle in support groups because so many are still together, working through it together. Is there such a thing as unresolved betrayal trauma? How do I heal without all the answers?

Full Episode On Youtube

Betrayal & Beyond

Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships

Authentically You

Seven Pillars

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)