Épisodes

  • Self-Actualization and Living Your Potential, with Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman

    Self-Actualization and Living Your Potential, with Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman
    Jun 23 2025
    How can we grow into our full potential?—living up to what we know is the best version of ourselves, actualizing our goals, and expressing our deepest purpose in a life of impact and love?Grounded in cognitive science and psychology, best-selling author, podcaster, educator and researcher Scott Barry Kaufman believes that we need to redefine our understanding of greatness and excellence to include our whole selves—our emotions, dreams, failures, and gifts—all to live a life that is fully human, fully yourself.In this conversation with Scott Barry Kaufman, we discuss:Education and formation for the whole person, not just our intellect but our bodies, emotions, and spiritualityMaslow’s hierarchy of needs and the journey that leads to self-actualizationThe difference it makes to see the world through growth rather than our deficienciesWhat it means to thrive even in the midst of mental illnessThe horizontal dimensions of transcendenceAnd how to connect and align with your deepest valuesEpisode Highlights“You can be mentally ill and thriving.”“Self-actualization is bringing your whole self to the table—not just one part of you.”“Real transcendence is about becoming one with the world—not being more enlightened than others.”“People are far more likely to demand respect than to give it.”“Only you can walk the path.”Helpful Links and ResourcesVisit scottbarrykaufman.comThe Psychology Podcast with Scott Barry KaufmanChoose Growth Workbook by Kaufman & Feingold*Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization,* by Scott Barry KaufmanScientific American: Spiritual NarcissismThe Lights Triad Personality TestSensitive Men Rising DocumentaryMaslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Reimagined – Big ThinkCorey Mascara Podcast on ValuesShow NotesOrigin Story and Human ComplexityScott shares his journey from being labeled “ungifted” with an auditory disability to becoming a cognitive scientist.A pivotal teacher asked, “What are you still doing here?”—sparking self-belief and ambition.“I was a champion for the quirky kids from the start.”His work has shifted from an early obsession with greatness to a lifelong pursuit of self-actualization.“Greatness is tied up in power and status. Self-actualization is about bringing your whole self.”Reimagining Maslow & The Sailboat MetaphorKaufman replaces the hierarchy of needs with a dynamic sailboat metaphor.The boat represents safety (security, connection, self-esteem); the sail represents growth and transcendence.“Unless we open our sail and become vulnerable to the wind, we can't move toward what matters.”Adds collective dimension: “There are other boats in the sea. Some people forget that.”Contrasts “horizontal transcendence” (connection) with “spiritual narcissism” (superiority).Mental Illness, Creativity, and ThrivingChallenges the binary between wellness and illness: “You can be mentally ill and thriving.”Cites research showing creative strengths in children of those with mental illness.“They get the goodies without the baddies—the imagination without the psychosis.”Dismantles false dichotomies in psychiatry: labels vs. lived experience.Encourages integration rather than repression of neurodivergence and emotion.Alignment, Identity, and Individual GrowthAlignment—not perfection—is the goal of self-actualization.“Self-actualization coaching isn’t about judgment. It’s about helping people align with their values.”Different people prioritize different values: connection, power, freedom, meaning.Encourages reflection: What roles do you cherish most? What do you say yes and no to?“Ask: What’s my reason for being? What legacy do I want to leave?”Moral Psychology and MatteringDiscusses mattering and the perils of performative self-importance.“Some people matter too much… they take up so much space, there’s no room for others.”Proposes a “mattering ecology” for shared dignity and contribution.On moral flexibility: “People who scream loudest often don’t like themselves.”Calls for emotional regulation, reflection, and collective moral grounding in a polarized world.Relationships, Whole Love, and SpiritualityIntroduces the concept of “whole love”—where all parts of the self are seen, accepted, and growing together.“It's as simple and as hard as that.”Critiques spiritual narcissism and “dark empaths” who use others for ego validation.Real empathy requires asking: “Am I helping this person for their sake—or because I need to be needed?”“Good character doesn’t need an excuse.”Practical Takeaways & Coaching ToolsDirects listeners to Choose Growth, a practical workbook co-authored with Dr. Jordan Feingold.Reflection prompts: What am I proud of? What do I wish to change? What’s my legacy?Encourages clarity around values and meaningful roles.Offers self-coaching questions to foster personal development and alignment.Provides listeners with tools for discernment, ...
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    45 min
  • The Gift of Mutual Relationships, with Dr. Jessica ChenFeng

    The Gift of Mutual Relationships, with Dr. Jessica ChenFeng
    Jun 9 2025
    Meaningful relationships are mutual. Balanced with give and take, equal influence between partners, and a vibrant dance of loving responsiveness and caring attention.Marriage and Family Therapist and professor Dr. Jessica ChenFeng is calling us toward a more justice-oriented approach to relationships and to mental health and well-being, She invites us to open-hearted and empathic perspective taking, and seeking an integrated wholeness that incorporates all of who we are—highlighting the gift of mutuality in our most intimate relationships in marriage and family life.In this conversation with Jessica ChenFeng, we discuss:The importance of integrated and whole experience of ourselves—allowing racial, gender, and cultural identities to weave together in our sense of vocation and contribution to the worldThe importance of mutuality in relationships—but particularly in marriage and family systems.The ways emotional power flows in a relationship and impacts marriage and family dynamicsThe difference between partners focusing on meeting their individual needs and caring for the health of an intimate relationshipAnd she offers a guided practical exercise to help us lovingly notice and accept our inner experience with a heart open to justice, vulnerability, and the reminder that we are beloved in the eyes of God.Episode Highlights"Systems of power harm everyone—and to live life to the full, we have to see each other fully.""I believe our move toward life to the full requires us to see the world through a third-order lens: not just family systems, but the racial, gender, and societal systems they exist within.""Mutuality means not just expressing our needs but being willing to be changed by the needs of others.""If we're not attuned to the pleasant sensations in our bodies, we miss the invitations to thrive.""Cultural norms are not God-given realities; they are social constructs we are invited to discern and transform.""Knowledge without authentic relationship keeps us from truly seeing the embodied experiences of others."Helpful Links and ResourcesCheck out the programs in Marriage & Family Therapy at Fuller School of Psychology www.fuller.edu/school-of-psychology/Fuller Asian American Center aac.fuller.edu/Socio-Emotional Relationship Therapy (SERT) OverviewCircle of Care Model ExplainedPositive Psychology and EmotionsJeanne Tsai's Research on Culture and EmotionAsian American Values Scale ReferenceRace and Trauma ResourcesJeanne Tsai’s research on culture and emotion – Stanford SPARQJohn and Julie Gottman Relationship ResearchAsian American Values Scale – Paniagua & Yamada (Academic resource)Show NotesJessica ChenFeng shares her "yes and" identity as a second-generation Taiwanese American grounded in both math and creativity.How earthy aesthetics and connection to nature shape Jessica's professional and personal flourishing.The integration of Christian faith with clinical work at Fuller Seminary."Seeing systems of systems" — why thriving requires understanding how race, gender, and cultural forces shape individuals and families.Introduction to socio-emotional relationship therapy (SERT) and the value of mutuality in relationships.Defining mutuality: mutual attunement, mutual influence, mutual vulnerability, and mutual relational responsibility."Mutuality asks: Are both people tending to the relationship itself?"Practical signs of mutual and non-mutual relationships, including emotional attunement and willingness to be influenced.The importance of humility and relational awareness in building mutual relationships.The Circle of Care model: cultivating healthy relational dynamics through attunement and responsiveness.Discerning relational power dynamics in marriages, friendships, and work relationships."Thriving is an open heart, even on a stressful day."How emotional self-control in Asian American cultures is often rooted in relational ethics, not personal repression.The risk and gift of navigating cross-generational emotional communication in immigrant families.Differentiated selfhood: balancing authenticity with cultural respect in relational dynamics.Race, culture, and relational healing: why systems of privilege harm everyone."Love your neighbor as yourself" as an ethic for mutual flourishing across racial and cultural difference.Building trust by leaning into discomfort and courageous conversations.The need for embodied encounters with real people beyond theories of race and difference.Mindfulness practice: Jessica leads a guided exercise in attuning to pleasant sensations in the body.The transformational power of positive emotions and embodiment for creativity and resilience.The relational impact of systemic racialization and why "colorblindness" fails to honor real lived experience.Final reflections: How knowing who we are through systemic and relational lenses allows deeper thriving.Pam King’s Key TakeawaysEach of us in the human family is a beloved child of God—and we need to ...
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    1 h et 8 min
  • How to Restore a Relationship, with Dr. Terry Hargrave

    How to Restore a Relationship, with Dr. Terry Hargrave
    May 26 2025
    Romantic relationships are sacred, powerful, and life-giving. But I don’t have to tell you how difficult it is to love and let yourself be loved.Marriage and family therapist Dr. Terry Hargrave has been helping couples in crisis restore broken relationships for decades, teaching them how to get unstuck, improve communication, and move beyond destructive coping mechanisms—to find reciprocity, self-affirming confidence, emotional regulation, and a joyful, lasting love.In a world marked by loneliness, disconnection, and emotional dysregulation, Hargrave offers powerful insights on the human need for identity, safety, and belonging—and how we can heal the wounds that keep us stuck. Drawing on decades of therapeutic experience and deep personal reflection, Hargrave explains how coping mechanisms like blame, shame, control, and escape can damage relationships—and how the peace cycle of nurture, self-valuing, balanced give-and-take, and connection can restore wholeness. He discusses his unique approach to the healing and restorative power of relationships, which lifts us up to our potential, encouraging us toward a nurturing, self-valuing, non-controlling reciprocity, and true connection.In this conversation with Terry Hargrave, we discuss:How to turn around a relationship in crisis and get off the emotional rollercoasterHow to build security and trust in order to improve or repair a marriage or long-term relationshipCoping mechanisms of blame, shame, control, and escapePractical steps to learn emotional self-regulationWhat to do when only one partner is working on a relationshipThe role of the brain and neuroplasticity in relational repairAnd the spiritual underpinnings of Terry’s approach to restoration therapyEpisode Highlights"It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing—until you claim your belovedness for yourself, nothing will change.""Relationships are a mirror—we discover who we are through how others see us.""Blame, shame, control, and escape—nothing good comes from these coping mechanisms.""Understanding doesn’t produce change. Doing produces change.""When we nurture, self-value, connect, and cooperate, unleashed joy happens.""Thriving is doing more of your best self, not learning something new."Helpful Links and ResourcesRestoration Therapy Training ResourcesThe Mindful Marriage by Ron Deal and Nan Deal (with Terry and Sharon Hargrave)Five Days to a New Self by Terry HargraveEmotionally Focused Therapy and Sue Johnson's LegacyShow NotesIntroduction to Terry Hargrave and the importance of Restoration Therapy today"We are still the same humans, but with a bigger pipe of problems and fewer emotional connections."Emotional dysregulation linked to identity and safety threatsRelationships as a mirror to the self and necessary for human thriving"For there to be a me, there has to be a thou."Why relationships are difficult: imperfection, wounding, and unmet needsHow family of origin wounds influence coping styles"Families don't mean to screw each other up, but somehow they manage to."Introduction of the four major unhealthy coping mechanisms: blame, shame, control, and escapeHow overachievement, perfectionism, and withdrawal are survival strategies from early wounding"Your greatest strength might actually be an old coping habit getting in the way of intimacy."The relational signs that coping mechanisms are damaging relationshipsHealing through self-regulation: speaking truth to yourself with love"Put your hand on your heart and remind yourself of who you really are."The difference between co-regulation and self-regulation in emotional healingRestoration Therapy’s peace cycle: nurture, self-value, balance, connection"Nothing good comes from blame, shame, control, or escape."The role of practice and neuroplasticity in forming new relational habits"Doing, not just understanding, is what rewires the brain."How thriving relationships move from neediness to adventurous partnershipIntimacy as knowing yourself more fully through connection, not just need satisfactionCooperative growth and mutual flourishing as hallmarks of thrivingApplication of restoration principles to broader societal healing and reconciliation"Unleashed joy happens when we choose nurture and connection, even with adversaries."The critical role of faith in affirming belovedness and ultimate identity"Everyone else and even God can tell you you're beloved—but you have to claim it for yourself."Practical advice for knowing when to seek therapyWhere to find Restoration Therapy-trained therapistsResources for learning more: Mindful Marriage and other Restoration Therapy booksThe key takeaways that I will carry with me from this conversation are the following:You can change. Your relationship can change. But it takes a daily practice of hard work to create lasting change.And though you might fail, there is hope that you can begin again.Our coping mechanisms are not superpowers. They hurt us and the people we ...
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    1 h et 8 min
  • Why Morality Matters: Gratitude, Loyalty, and Hope, with Dr. Mona Siddiqui

    Why Morality Matters: Gratitude, Loyalty, and Hope, with Dr. Mona Siddiqui
    May 12 2025
    You can’t be moral on your own. That’s a radical idea in this time of moral outrage, but thriving in public life requires a sense of mutual accountability, belonging, and hospitality for each other.Mona Siddiqui is a professor of religion and society, an author, commentator, and public intellectual, and she suggests that the virtues of loyalty, gratitude, hospitality, and hope can lead us through the common struggle of being human together, living forward into a thriving life of public faith and renewed moral imagination.As Professor of Islamic and Interreligious Studies, Assistant Principal for Religion and Society, and Dean international for the Middle-East at the University of Edinburgh, she is an international beacon of hope that we might find restoration, hospitality, and flourishing in our world of struggle. Working through questions of loyalty, responsibility, belonging, gratitude, robust faith, and what we owe each other, we can find abundant resources for thriving and spiritual health.In this conversation with Mona Siddiqui, we discuss:What is a moral life?The connection between faith, spirituality, and living a moral life of responsibility and integrityThe difference between cultivating virtuous character and doing justiceHow to thrive in a pluralistic society marked by constant struggle and conflictThe promise of gratitude and hospitality in a life of thrivingAnd how to pursue a hopeful, forward-looking approach to restoration in the wake of harm, loss, pain, and suffering.Episode Highlights"Our moral life only becomes alive when we are in a relationship—you can't be moral on your own.""Life is all about searching. Life is all about introspection. Life is all about reflection.""The good life is hard; it's not about ease, but about living with accountability and responsibility.""Hospitality isn't just welcoming—it's negotiating belonging, loyalty, and a sense of shared life.""Gratitude can liberate, but it can also create hierarchies and transactional indebtedness.""Hope is not naive optimism—without hope, how do you live, build relationships, or carry forward at all?"Helpful Links and ResourcesFollow Mona on X (Twitter) at @monasiddiqui7*Christians, Muslims, and Jesus,* by Mona SiddiquiHuman Struggle, Christian and Muslim Perspectives, by Mona SiddiquiA Theology of Gratitude: Christian and Muslim Perspectives, by Mona SiddiquiMy Way: A Muslim Woman’s Journey by Mona SiddiquiThe Moral Maze, BBC Radio 4Show NotesMona Siddiqui’s personal background in Islamic jurisprudence and public theology“I got into Islamic jurisprudence because of personal connection and intellectual curiosity.”Navigating public discourse post-9/11 as a non-white, non-Christian scholarImportance of pluralism and living within diverse identities"I need to create a space that appeals to a wider audience—not just about what I think."Growing up with intellectual freedom in a traditional Islamic householdHow faith upbringing seeds lifelong moral introspection"You are always answering to yourself—you know when you have not lived rightly."Developing comparative theology through seminars with Christian scholarsOverlapping themes between Islamic and Christian thought on the good lifeThe significance of accountability over blanket forgiveness"Belonging is crucial to being a good citizen—you can’t flourish alone."Exploration of loyalty: loyalty to people vs loyalty to principlesCivic loyalty and critical engagement with the state“Because I feel loyal to my country, I should also be its critic.”The role of prayer in cultivating internal moral awarenessReflection on virtues: gratitude, loyalty, hopeThe dark sides of gratitude and loyalty in institutionsParenting with a focus on integrity, accountability, and faithfulness“Live so that whatever you say in public, you can say at home—and vice versa.”Emphasis on public engagement: speaking clearly, making complex ideas accessible"Radio became a gift—people want complex ideas made simple and meaningful."Remaining hopeful despite the culture of outrage and cynicismYoung people’s resilience and persistent hopefulnessHospitality as a fundamental ethic for creating trust and belongingStruggle as a normative, transformative experience that shapes flourishing"Thriving is not just freedom—it’s centering, writing, speaking, and deep human connection."The importance of relationships in thriving and flourishing“Most of us realize—relationships are the hardest, but the most rewarding.”Redefining gratitude: avoiding transactional gratitude, cultivating authentic gratefulnessStruggle cultivates introspection, resilience, creativity, and a deeper moral lifePam King’s Key TakeawaysI can’t be moral on my own. But my decisions are my own. In the end, living with integrity means living with virtue.Personal and public flourishing are deeply connected to our lives of faith and spirituality; and all of us need to bring the depths of our personal spiritual ...
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    1 h et 2 min
  • Live Like You Mean It: Emotional and Cognitive Wellness, with Dr. Mary Helen Immordino-Yang

    Live Like You Mean It: Emotional and Cognitive Wellness, with Dr. Mary Helen Immordino-Yang
    Apr 28 2025
    Applying neuroscience and psychology to education and formation, pioneering researcher Dr. Mary Helen Immordino-Yang draws connections between emotions, relationships, brains, stories, meaning, and purpose to shed light on how we learn, grow, and thrive.Her research on the brain shows how we’re woven together in an intricate and glorious network of life, and when we synthesize the neurological, the psychological, the physical, and the social, we’re able to come to a deeper and more impactful understanding of human development and flourishing.From the intricacies of adolescent brain development to the emotional and spiritual scaffolding of a meaningful life, she explains how transcendent thinking, story, and emotional engagement fuel identity formation and long-term flourishing. Drawing from cutting-edge research and humanistic insight, she explores how young people co-create their worlds and how adults can support them in becoming adaptive, wise, and agentic.In this conversation with Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, we discuss:The value of integrating neuroscience with educational, emotional, and moral developmentThe strange and glorious case of the adolescent brain—how we mature, learn how to think, feel, and exercise our agency, and strive to become wiseThe emotional and relational nature of education and moral development—expressed in nurturing conversation between caring adults and youthThe importance of agency, intentionality, and transcendent thinking in human thrivingNeural plasticity and the capacity to change our brains throughout our lifespanAnd, the big picture of thriving, that brings together our mental life, neurobiology, and other physical processes—with relationships, community, and society at large.Episode Highlights"Thriving is really about living like you mean it.""We co-construct one another’s lived experiences by the virtue of being there together.""You learn how to have an instinct—it’s not something you’re just born with.""Transcendent thinking literally grows the adolescent brain.""Meaning-making is an abstraction, a transcendent story we construct to bring coherence to our lives."Show NotesThriving as dynamic, purposeful engagementEmotional experiences shaping brain developmentCo-construction of identity in social relationshipsAdolescence as a time of neurodevelopmental remodelingHow transcendent thinking fosters brain growth over timeAdolescents’ drive for deeper moral and ethical narrativesMeaning-making as a tool for personal and societal transformationLinking personal experience with historical and social narrativesDefault mode network and its role in reflection and creativityFrom instinct to insight—how the brain learns to feelThe relationship between emotional health and physical well-beingGut-brain connection, serotonin, and embodied cognitionTranscendence as a cognitive-emotional developmental milestoneInfluence of media, anxiety, and political division on adolescent mindsBrain-based evidence of narrative engagement growing identityLearning to align present feelings with long-term purposeBrain science dismantling the myth of "subjective = unimportant"Agency, presence, and intentionality in thrivingIntegration of neuroscience with humanistic and applied methodsRole of narrative in therapy, art, education, and spiritualityHow adolescents learn to feel, not just what to thinkCulturally-rooted belief systems shaping neural responsesThe importance of reflection, introspection, and deep conversationAdolescents’ innate capacity for moral concern and big-picture thinkingLearning through story: case studies in adolescent empathyReclaiming agency from external cultural and tech influencesIdentity as a lifelong, evolving narrative—not a fixed outcomeGrowth as intentional reflection, not cognitive accelerationSpiritual wellness as iterative construction of meaning and valuesParenting and mentoring for deep reflective growthAdaptive wisdom: balancing immediacy with long-term visionSigns of flourishing: self-liking, relationship quality, agencyImportance of diverse experiences and safe, supportive relationshipsAdults thriving through neuroplasticity and meaning-makingThe lifelong role of story and belief in shaping purposeCognitive engagement and values-based direction over passive successEmotional safety and time as prerequisites for transcendenceListening, asking why, and welcoming the unknown as virtues of thrivingPam King’s Key TakeawaysBrain science isn’t better or worse than other perspectives on human life, but it offers incredible insight for how we grow and thrive.Stories and narratives are the essential threads that hold our lives together; how you think and the story you’re telling yourself matters for your thriving.Education isn’t just a cognitive process. Our emotions and our bodies and our sense of connection and safety in relationships play a central role in learning.Spiritual health connects how our transcendent thinking informs our ...
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    1 h et 5 min
  • Living Artfully: Creativity, Attention, and Making Art, with Makoto Fujimura

    Living Artfully: Creativity, Attention, and Making Art, with Makoto Fujimura
    Apr 14 2025
    "Beholding is a countercultural act—it requires us to stop, to receive, and to fully see.” — Makoto Fujimura"Slow art is an invitation to linger, to notice, and to let the world unfold before us." — Makoto FujimuraYou are a beautiful masterpiece. But the practice of living artfully comes slowly, often through brokenness, weakness, or failure. Contemporary artist Makoto Fujimura integrates traditional Japanese styles with abstract expressionism and Christian theology, to explore the beauty that can emerge from the ashes pain and suffering. Both his art and his writing call us to behold the gift of creation, participate in its redemption, accentuating the cracks and fractures in our lives, so that grace might abound.Makoto Fujimura—renowned artist, writer, and theologian—joins Dr. Pam King to explore the deep connections between art, faith, and flourishing. Fujimura shares how his Japanese heritage and study of traditional Nihonga painting have shaped his understanding of creativity as a sacred act. Through themes of brokenness, beauty, and slow art, he challenges us to rethink success, embrace imperfection, and create from a place of love and abundance. Whether you're an artist, a person of faith, or someone seeking meaning in a hurried world, this conversation will invite you to slow down, behold, and embrace the mystery and beauty of life.Mako Fujimura integrates his artmaking, theology, and culture care advocacy into a beautiful expression of thriving and spiritual health. Through his breathtaking expressionist style, distinctively Japanese methods, and his rooted Christian convictions, he’s bringing beauty into being, and inviting us to do the same.In this conversation with Mako Fujimura, we discuss:What art is, what creativity means, and the human capacity for making beautyHow we can live artfully through imperfection, brokenness, trauma, and sufferingHow the practice of a gift economy can lead to mutual thrivingThe slow art of pausing, stopping, and beholding that contributes to our mental and spiritual healthAnd the connection between knowledge and love in a life of creativity and artmaking.Helpful Links and ResourcesFollow Makoto Fujimura on X @iamfujimuraView Mako’s art at makotofujimura.comMakoto Fujimura’s WritingsMakoto Fujimura’s BooksNihonga Art and its TraditionsRefractions: A Journey of Art, Faith, & CultureCulture Care: Reconnecting with Beauty for Our Common LifeSilence and Beauty: Hidden Faith Born of SufferingArt and Faith: A Theology of MakingEpisode Highlights"Art is fundamentally what human beings create—it is our capacity to make, and in making, we come to know.""Beholding is a countercultural act—it requires us to stop, to receive, and to fully see.”"We worship a wounded, glorified human being—our brokenness is not something to escape but something to offer.""Creativity is not about self-expression alone—it is about giving yourself away in love.""Slow art is an invitation to linger, to notice, and to let the world unfold before us."Show NotesMakoto Fujimura discusses the intersection of art, faith, and flourishingThe importance of beholding in a fast-paced worldHow brokenness and imperfection reveal deeper beautyNihonga painting and the wisdom of traditional Japanese artCreativity as an act of love and gift-givingThe Art of BeholdingWhy slowing down is essential for creativity and spiritual growthThe practice of beholding as a way of seeing the world more deeplyHow art invites us to be present and pay attentionThe connection between contemplation, creativity, and flourishing"Beholding is a countercultural act—it requires us to stop, to receive, and to fully see."Creativity, Faith, and Human FlourishingHow art and faith are intertwined in human thrivingThe spiritual discipline of making and creatingWhy true knowledge is connected to love and experience"Art is fundamentally what human beings create—it is our capacity to make, and in making, we come to know."How community fosters creativity and growthBrokenness, Beauty, and the Theology of MakingThe Japanese tradition of Kintsugi and embracing imperfectionHow Jesus’ wounds and resurrection shape our view of brokennessThe gift economy vs. the transactional economy in art"We worship a wounded, glorified human being—our brokenness is not something to escape but something to offer."Learning to see beauty in what is discarded or overlookedThe Practice of Slow ArtWhy slowing down is essential for deep engagement with artHow layers in Nihonga painting reveal new depths over time"Slow art is an invitation to linger, to notice, and to let the world unfold before us."How slowing down fosters healing and deeper connectionThe role of patience and attentiveness in both art and lifeLiving a Creative and Generous LifeHow to cultivate creativity in daily life, even outside traditional artsThe role of community in sustaining creative workWhy generosity and self-giving are essential to true creativity"Creativity...
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    1 h et 3 min
  • Life and Faith After Spiritual Abuse and Religious Trauma, with Dan Koch

    Life and Faith After Spiritual Abuse and Religious Trauma, with Dan Koch
    Mar 31 2025
    "Spirituality is like nuclear fission—it has the power to illuminate and energize but also to destroy when mishandled." — Dan Koch"Thriving isn't about a perfect life; it's about alignment between our deepest values and our lived reality." — Dan KochOn our path to spiritual health, we need to keep our eyes open to the ways religion and spirituality have been exploited to coerce, control, and create chaos. Focusing on the intersection of religion and psychology, licensed therapist, researcher, and podcaster Dan Koch is creating a public conversation about spiritual harm and abuse, helping victims learn how to deal with spiritual trauma, and offering insight and guidance toward healthy religious and spiritual experiences.From his own personal journey of religious trauma to his extensive research on spiritual abuse, Dan shares insights on how faith communities can both wound and restore. The conversation covers the psychological impact of religious trauma, the complexities of self-diagnosis, and practical strategies for self-knowledge and healing for anyone who has wrestled with faith, struggled with past church experiences, or have lost their religion.In this conversation with Dan Koch, we discuss:The psychological study of spiritual abuse and harm, including conceptual definitions and the many factors that come along with them.The symptoms and most recognizable patterns that point to spiritual abuseThe impact of abuse and trauma on psychological and spiritual healthHow to reappraise and challenge harmful core beliefsAnd how to find healing, joy, and transcendence as we deal with past trauma.Spirituality: Pro-Social Benefits, with a Shadow Side of Harm, Exploitation, and ViolenceThrough With & For, as well as the broader work of The Thrive Center, we regularly explore the expansive benefits and positives that emerge from our inherent spirituality as human beings, and how that relates to our individual and collective thriving.Religion and spirituality can be an immense force for good, offering countless pro-social benefits to the world, helping us our innate spiritual capacities is an essential factor in what it means to thrive.But we have to acknowledge the harm and vice and corruption—the violence— that has been perpetrated through religious and spiritual contexts. Spiritual abuse is a serious matter and there’s no way we can cultivate a full understanding or integrated experience of healthy spirituality without coming to terms with its prevalence and effects.Dan Koch’s attention to spiritual harm and abuse is about clearing the way toward a healthier spirituality grounded in care and healing. By exposing and exploring past traumas in the context of heathy and respectful relationships, we can grow into a more joyful faith and transcendent spiritual life.About Dan KochDan Koch is a licensed therapist supporting patients working through the trauma of spiritual abuse; and his work and insight in this domain emerges from his empirical research. He’s also host of the You Have Permission podcast. With a background in philosophy and theology, he explores questions of faith, doubt, and spiritual well-being. His research focuses on the psychological effects of religious trauma and how individuals can heal from spiritual abuse.Find more of his work at dankochwords.com.You can find his podcast, You Have Permission wherever you listen to podcasts and find exclusive episodes at patreon.com/dankoch.Helpful Links and ResourcesDan Koch’s WebsiteJoin Dan Koch’s PatreonYou Have Permission PodcastDan Koch’s Research on Spiritual AbuseThe Spiritual Harm and Abuse Scale Clinical ScreenerDevelopment of the Spiritual Harm and Abuse Scale (Article, May 2022)Quotable"I would just distinguish between self-knowledge and self-diagnosis—one leads to growth, the other can lead to unnecessary fear.""Avoidance is both a symptom of trauma and a cause of it—it keeps the rest of the symptoms around.""Spirituality is like nuclear fission—it has the power to illuminate and energize but also to destroy when mishandled.""You can't worship a villain—when spiritual abuse distorts your image of God, it becomes almost impossible to stay in faith.""Thriving isn't about a perfect life; it's about alignment between our deepest values and our lived reality."Show NotesDan Koch on spiritual abuse, religious trauma, and healingHow beliefs about God shape emotional well-beingPractical self-knowledge exercises to promote healingThe impact of fear-based religious teachings on mental healthStrategies for deconstructing harmful religious experiencesUnderstanding Spiritual Abuse and Religious TraumaDefinition and key elements of spiritual abuseDifference between spiritual harm and abuseThe role of power, control, and coercion in religious settingsHow religious trauma manifests in daily lifeConnection between religious trauma and PTSDThe Psychological and Emotional Impact of Religious TraumaThe interplay between faith, fear, and ...
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    1 h et 32 min
  • Recovering the Sacred in an Age of Anxiety, with Dr. Varun Soni

    Recovering the Sacred in an Age of Anxiety, with Dr. Varun Soni
    Mar 17 2025
    We need a recovery of the sacred in our secular world. Because the mental, emotional, and psychological struggles haunting society right now can’t be solved without addressing meaning, purpose, and the longing for connection to something beyond ourselves.In other words, spiritual health is an essential part of mental health.An attorney, religious scholar, and university chaplain, Dr. Varun Soni is Dean of Religious Life at the University of Southern California, and is leading us back to our true north, through spacious and life-giving spiritual conversations and sacred practices that realign us to our values and identity.In this conversation with Varun Soni, we discuss:Finding the sacred in our secular culture.Religious pluralism and what it means to build trust that reaches across religious lines of difference.The transformative power of finding your “truth north”—your North Star—to orient our journeys of faith and spirituality.Varun shares six pillars of flourishing; how to align our actions with our values; and the benefit of listening to the cultural narratives and stories we tell.He reflects on the missing elements of spirituality in our understanding of mental health today, evidenced in his work with teens and emerging adults.He offers us a Hindu meditative practice to provide inner clarity, stability, and calm.And he comments on compassion and a cultivation sacred spiritual practices to counteract the loneliness, anguish, and suffering in our world.Show NotesDr. Pam King welcomes Varun Soni, Dean of Religious and Spiritual Life at USCJourney from Hindu attorney to first Hindu Dean of Religious and Spiritual Life in the U.S.“What does it mean to be Indian? What does it mean to be Hindu? What does it mean to be American? What is this Indian American experience?”1965 Immigration and Naturalization ActInspired by grandfather’s connection to Mahatma Gandhi“ What it meant to be Hindu was to be like Gandhi. What it meant to be Indian was to be like Gandhi. What it meant to live a meaningful life was to live like Gandhi.”“ I continued to study religion as a way of understanding myself.”Sitting with the Dalai Lama on Mahatma Gandhi’s birthdayMentorship from the Dalai LamaDeepak Chopra’s influence“Interfaith trust building”University ChaplaincyWhat is thriving to you?"Thriving is the alignment of purpose and practice—it’s not about arriving, but about moving in the right direction."“What is my north star, and how do I get there?”Spiritual well-being about asking the right questions, not having all the answersReligion once provided meaning, rituals, and community—now young people seek new structures"What is sacred to you? If you can’t answer that, you’re drifting without a compass."The urgency of time when turning 50 years old“I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone anymore.”“Put the process before the answer.”6 pillars of thriving and well-being: diet, sleep, exercise, contemplative practice, emotional intelligence, connection to natureBasic physical pillars of thriving: Diet, Sleep, ExerciseSpiritual pillars of thriving: Contemplation, Emotional Intelligence, and Communing with NatureFinding what is sacred—faith, relationships, personal values51% of USC students non-religious, 80% spiritualRecord levels of loneliness, imposter syndrome, comparison culture“Not just a mental health crisis, but a spiritual health crisis.”Loss of intergenerational religious experiences—key protective factor against depression"We took away religion and replaced it with social media, then wondered why anxiety skyrocketed."Social media fuels disconnection rather than community"We weren’t built for this much bad news. Our brains weren’t designed to process global suffering 24/7."“There’s no right way to do contemplative practice.”Find moments built into your dayExercise: So Hum breath meditation: Inhale “So,” exhale “Hum”Using meditation as a spiritual technology or tool"You are not your thoughts—you are the awareness behind them."Identity shaped by personal narrative—"If you don’t like your story, rewrite it."Telling the story of who you will become"Every individual is the hero of their own journey, whether they realize it or not."Cultural mythology, from sacred texts to Marvel movies, reflects search for meaningSpirituality helps build redemptive life narratives“There power in being part of something bigger.”The Spiritual Child by Lisa Miller—research on spirituality and mental health"It’s hard to hate the people you love—universities are one of the last places where people can learn to love each other across differences."Technology and mediated relationshipsWhat is sacred to you?"Gen Z’s greatest superpower is empathy, but they’ve never been lonelier."Building protective factors for young peopleGratitude rituals shift focus from anxiety to appreciationCare, justice, and connectionMental Health CrisisMental Health and ...
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