Action Comedy

Semi-retired god of rock guitar and local poseur Erik Make Loud has got himself a new girlfriend. Helene Hilditch - formerly known as Howlin' Hellbitch - of all-girl punk outfit Blue Tits is a mean guitarist, and someone is trying to kill her. With a rare pressing of their first album to find, the Vinyl Detecive and Nevada are soon called into to help, but this time the question is, who isn't a suspect?

It's hard to find work as a doctor when using your real name will get you killed. So hard that when a reclusive billionaire offers Dr. Peter Brown, aka Pietro Brnwa, a job accompanying a sexy but self-destructive paleontologist on the world's worst field assignment, Brown has no real choice but to say yes. Even if it means that an army of murderers, mobsters, and international drug dealers-not to mention the occasional lake monster-are about to have a serious Pietro Brnwa problem.

Casey doesn't have much luck in the dating department, so when her girlfriends ditch their girls only weekend for a couple's retreat, she's forced to take desperate measures. Refusing to be the only single one, she does what any quick-thinking girl would do: She lies. It was almost too easy hiring a stranger to pretend to be her hot, rich, successful boyfriend. What she didn't plan on was him being hot, successful, and way too much trouble for her liking.

As Gary and Krystal drag Prince Larry and Princess Regan through the mud, a snapping turtle latches on to the prince’s manhood and a debate breaks out on whether to release the video. Will it help or hurt the Royal Ducats? Gary brawls with a man in a bunny suit at Wacky World. Venezuelans use Gary’s property for drug deals. Legendary dadaist Claude Balls stuns the world with his creations. Leotis, a giant Mekong catfish, becomes Gary’s friend and advisor, but only Gary can see the painfully shy Leotis.

We can't say much, but we can say this: Skulduggery and Valkyrie are going to team up with beloved characters from the first nine audiobooks as well as an all-new cast, including new teen costar Omen Darkly, for an adventure that takes the story to truly global proportions...while answering questions that go right back to the beginning.

Meet Monster. Meet Judy. Two humans who don't like each other much, but together must fight dragons, fire-breathing felines, trolls, Inuit walrus dogs, and a crazy cat lady - for the future of the universe.

The Impossible Fortress begins with a magazine. The year is 1987, and Playboy has just published scandalous photographs of Vanna White, from the popular TV game show Wheel of Fortune. For three teenage boys - Billy, Alf, and Clark - who are desperately uneducated in the ways of women, the magazine is somewhat of a Holy Grail: priceless beyond measure and impossible to attain. So, they hatch a plan to steal it.

It’s ho, ho, ho time in this hilarious and wacky Florida holiday tale, featuring bighearted psychopath Serge Storms and his sidekick, Coleman. Like Santa, Serge knows who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Few can give with the generosity and creativity of Serge, and as December 24 rolls around, he is filling up the Serge sleigh with an unforgettable bag of presents. But before that, it’s all a big free-range Christmas office party, where Serge will be spreading his special cheer. And there’s that last-minute go-for-broke spree at the mall (just beware of those attacking elves - they bite).

Jesse Braddock is trapped in a tiny cabin deep in the Everglades with her infant daughter and her ex-boyfriend, a wannabe reality TV star who turned out to be a lot prettier on the outside than on the inside. Broke and desperate for a way out, Jesse stumbles across a long-lost treasure, which could solve all her problems—if she can figure out how to keep it. The problem is some very bad men are also looking for the treasure, and they know Jesse has it.

Samantha Madison is just your average disenfranchised sophomore gal living in DC when, in an inadvertent moment sandwiched between cookie buying and CD-perusing, she puts a stop to an attempt on the life of the president. Before she can say “MTV2”, she’s appointed Teen Ambassador to the UN and has caught the eye of the very cute First Son.

Raised from birth to be a force for justice, Damian Stockwell has spent his entire life honing his body, mind, and fists to combat the evils of the world. He travels the globe on a quest to confront those evils and punch them in the face. At his disposal are a vast fortune, an endless array of gadgets and an army of friends including Bertrand, his loyal and lethal valet.

Eden Goodnight went to Los Angeles to make it big, not to be publicly humiliated by her cheating fiancé at a red carpet premiere. But when Eden returns to her hometown to put the scandal behind her, she can barely find a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. Turns out the locals are worse than the paparazzi, and they all think she's turned into a spoiled brat. But in a strange twist of fate, the one person who seems to understand what Eden's going through is Cooper Mayfield...the boy she left behind.

When esteemed surgeon Dawn Fairchild is wrongly accused of vehicular manslaughter, her world is turned upside down. Sentenced to two years in a federal women's prison Dawn encounters a side of life she didn't know existed. Caged with drug addicts, killers, and rapists, she is surprised when her knight in shining armor is a scrawny, scrappy redhead serving time for drug addiction and prostitution.

He was her partner—both in crime and between the sheets. It’s been five years since professional thief Celeste St. Pierre laid eyes on Magnus Larsson. These days, she runs a Manhattan antique store, but her talent for stealing beautiful, shiny things hasn’t faded. And as a chance reunion over a locked safe proves, neither has the heat between her and the gorgeous, ice-cool Magnus.

Sensible corporate lawyer Alaina Montgomery has been frustrating her matchmaking friends for years. But this time they've really tried to set her up with the wrong guy: Dylan Harrison, a free-spirited single dad who runs a ramshackle bar and bait shop. Appropriately enough, she meets him on the way to a science-fiction-themed masquerade party. When cops mistake the costumed pair for a lady of the evening and her client, Alaina and Dylan end up in jail together.

Bob Dillon is a down-on-his-luck exterminator from Queens who just wants to make a killing with his radical new environmentally-friendly pest elimination technique, involving his hybrid assassin bugs (a very real group of insects). But when Bob decides to advertise, his flyer falls into the hands of a European murder-for-hire broker who mistakes Bob for a professional assassin.

In China, in 1860, a lot of people mistakenly put their trust in Flashman: the English vicar’s daughter with her cargo of opium; Lord Elgin in search of an intelligence chief; the Emperor’s ravishing concubine, seeking a champion in her struggles for power; and Szu-Zhan, the female bandit colossus, as practised in the arts of love as in the arts of war. They were not to know that behind his Victoria Cross, Harry Flashman was a base coward and a charlatan. They took him at face value. And he took them, for all he could, while China seethed through the bloodiest civil war in history.

The Pyrates is all the swashbucklers that ever were, rolled into one great technicoloured pantomime - tall ships and desert islands, impossibly gallant adventurers and glamorous heroines, buried treasure and black spots, devilish dons and ghastly dungeons, plots, duels, escapes, savage rituals, tender romance and steaming passion, all to the accompaniment of ringing steel, thunderous broadsides, sweeping film music, and the sound of cursing extras falling in the water and exchanging period dialogue.

Many have marvelled at General Napier's daring 1868 expedition through the treacherous peaks and bottomless chasms of Abyssinia to rescue a small group of British citizens held captive by the mad tyrant Emperor Theodore. But the vital role of Sir Harry Flashman, V.C., in the success of this campaign has hitherto gone unrecorded.

Mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark is fed up with the harsh life of the American frontier, where it seems everything and anything can kill you: Duels at high noon. Barroom brawls. Poisonous snakes. Cholera-infected drinking water. Tumbleweed abrasion. Something called “toe-foot.” Even a trip to the outhouse. Yes, there are a million ways to die in the wild, wild West, and Albert plans to avoid them all. Some people think that makes him a coward. Albert calls it common sense.