Apocalyptic Comedy

Denied a dog, a baby, and even a faithful boyfriend, Cat decides that she needs a snake: a glistening, writhing creature that can be worn like “jewelry, living jewelry.” But when the budding social influencer finally gives in to impulse, buying a Burmese python from a local pet shop, she sets in motion a chain of increasingly dire events that culminates in one of the most memorable denouements in recent fiction, one that ensnares her entire family, from her eco-obsessed parents, Ottilie and Frank, to her frat-boy-turned-husband, Todd.

Not much says crazy quite like a good, old-fashioned apocalypse. And for the world over, it has been one wacky, wild ride. From zombies to werewolves, vampires to superpowers, everything was practically guaranteed to never be the same. But for a small town in Iowa, things took a slightly different turn, one that placed the people of Orangerton in a precarious and nefarious peril most fowl.

I have a confession. I hate bachelorette parties. A night of awkward dancing, penis-shaped straws and being told “you're next, Kaitlyn!” Even worse: It's hosted at a super swanky Miami club where I stick out like a sore thumb. Couldn’t get any worse, right?

Certainly not the twins at the heart of the matter of all things Apocalypse, Calvin and Trent, who soon must decide what—or rather whom—they’re willing to sacrifice in order to delay your world’s dying gasps. Definitely not the high school principal, Gary Mustafa, whose hyperfixation on balloons will leave your mind only loosely tethered to your head. Then there’s Love and Yew, the former government hacker and ex-reality TV star, the latter a psychedelic therapist who thinks she’s better than you. The less said about these two women, the better.

Mo Collins, the reluctant hero, has sailed around the country on board the replica pirate ship, the Viva Ancora, and now he finds himself only miles from his childhood home. But now the world has gone to hell. Hordes of naked, blue, biting zombies have flooded the now dead Alabama lake town. Mo and his only surviving shipmate, Crow, are surviving. They fish and watch the monsters roam the night; seeking untainted flesh and leaving a disgusting mess in their wake. But when a lone survivor stumbles upon Mo and Crow they gain a new crew member but also find much needed direction.

Zombies and Calculus is the account of Craig Williams, a math professor at a small liberal arts college in New England, who, in the middle of a calculus class, finds himself suddenly confronted by a late-arriving student whose hunger is not for knowledge. As the zombie virus spreads and civilization crumbles, Williams uses calculus to help his small band of survivors defeat the hordes of the undead.

For teenagers Chris and Miles, working at the city zoo in the summer is a pretty sweet gig. They chase girls, smoke a little dope, and avoid thinking about their rapidly approaching futures. One is headed to college, and one to…who knows? But then the Zombie Apocalypse hits, and things get weird. Deadly animals, psychotic house painters, and a face-humping lemur named Sexy Rexy all get thrown into the mix, with plenty of laughs and chills to go around.

At the end of the world, the zombies are not the scariest monsters. Something evil and vile now hides among the sheep seeking to devour its very heart. Pastor Mike Brown and his wife, Lauren, are loved by the congregation of the church that rose from the ashes of the zombie apocalypse. But a dark secret, if discovered, could destroy everything.

Morag Murray works for the secret government organization responsible for making sure the apocalypse goes as smoothly and as quietly as possible. In her first week on the job, Morag has to hunt down a man-eating starfish, solve a supernatural murder, and, if she's got time, prevent her own inevitable death.

When Darren’s charge-cart gets knocked off the Earth-to-Mars highway and lost in space forever, he thinks his day can’t get any worse. When Kelly sees Darren accidentally short-circuit a talking lamppost, and its camera captures her face as it expires, she thinks her day can’t get any worse. When Pamasonic Teffal, a sentient breadmaker, is sent on a top-secret mission into the depths of the Internet and betrayed by her boss, a power-crazed smartphone, she knows this is only the beginning of a day that isn’t going to get any better. Join Darren, Kelly, and Pam in an anarchic comic adventure.

In Guntersville, Mike Brown and his wife, Lauren, continue to twist the very souls of the deluded congregation that would follow him to hell and back. Their dark secret is becoming an unholy gospel, bent on destroying everything good. Simultaneously, the Island's embattled government fights back against the unprovoked attacks by this messianic cult leader's crazed followers.

Hank Merrick was a pretty unremarkable guy - until the world went and got itself destroyed. Unspeakable horrors now wander around ruined cities, claiming what little is left of the old world, and only the dead and forgotten are left to tell the tales. Freshly expired himself, Hank’s spirit begins a mysterious misadventure - finding purpose in the afterlife. Using guile, a bit of iron, and his shambling corpse companion named Maw, Hank sarcastically slogs through the nightmare landscape.

Doug wasn’t sure whether he should trust Satan. The red flag was that he said he was Satan. But the deal was good: Listen to Satan’s story in exchange for some donuts. And Doug only half-fulfilled his part of the bargain. But maybe he should have listened better, because during his friend Bryce’s next scheme (theft with light to moderate treason - the usual), Doug and the rest of his friends - Lulu (the fun one) and Charlene (the not fun one) - end up with a powerful artifact, a small metal cube with world-ending power that Lulu decorated with bunnies.

Meet Andy Warner, a recently deceased everyman and newly minted zombie. Resented by his parents, abandoned by his friends, and reviled by a society that no longer considers him human, Andy is having a bit of trouble adjusting to his new existence. But all that changes when he goes to an Undead Anonymous meeting and finds a kindred soul in Rita, an impossibly sexy recent suicide with a taste for the formaldehyde in cosmetic products.

In Sugar Roses, Oklahoma, events tumble rapidly toward the End of the World. We're introduced to a cross-section of this fervently Baptist college town as it struggles to comprehend a series of supernatural phenomena: roadkill returned to life, a little girl who speaks classical Greek, an ominous shortwave signal, and a demonic voice that calls itself the Megatron.

The undead have risen from their graves, and society hangs by a thread. But America's political parties aren't going to let a little thing like the zombie apocalypse get in the way of a presidential election. There are nasty whispers about the incumbent, though, and they have nothing to do with where he was born.

I’m not sure what to do here. If you listened and enjoyed the first one, I don’t feel like I need to sell you very hard on this one. The characters you love from Hellbender—Doug, Bryce, Lulu, and Charlene—get into further misadventures, while I also expand on the lore from the first one. Are the people in charge really demons? What happened in the Last War? Well, there are more answers and more questions in the sequel—you know how it works.

There was always one point, one moment in all of reality where everything that was will fight for everything that might be. It’s this point. Well, several points, but all happening at the same time, but not the same time. It’s super complicated. Some question whether it really happened at all, or will happen.

In the year 2030, a dying scientist released a volatile pathogen into the atmosphere. It granted the elderly a plethora of augmented abilities, near-immortality, and an insatiable bloodlust for the generations that have wronged them.

Don't believe everything the characters tell you. Recommended for fans of John Crowley, Paul Park, and Michael Swanwick.