Comedy Crime Fiction

A palm reader notifies Lord Arthur that murder is in his future. But not his murder - he’s the murderer. This really throws a wrench into his wedding plans, for Lord Arthur is soon to be married to the most beautiful lady in London. In fact he loves her so much, he decides to postpone the wedding until his business is done. Now, for a tasteful homicide....

In this short story from his Getting Even collection, Woody Allen takes an in-depth look at the Mafia, detailing heretofore unknown facts about the Cosa Nostra, from their aliases (and aliases' aliases), to how little they spend on office supplies in a given year.

Verbal abusers are highly intelligent people who tend to tell their victims what they want to hear in a caring way that allows the abuser to hide the true meaning of the message.

Third story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. Being a top-flight chef can be stressful. Thankfully, a professional kitchen throws up some unique opportunities for body disposal….

Eleventh story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. What could be more festive than a trip to see Santa at the local shopping centre? Depends on who’s gunning for Santa…

Fifth story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. There is never a good time to look upon the face of a dead loved one. But Mr Unwin has dedicated his life to helping the bereaved. While helping himself at the same time….

The final story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. It’s Christmas Eve, but the criminals never stop working, so neither do the police. The raid is on... but things don’t go entirely to plan.

Second story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. When a double suicide arrives at the city morgue, Sandra thinks it’s a Christmas like any other. But she’s about to get a very nasty shock – make that two very nasty shocks….

Fourth story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. Working in a call centre normally offers few career opportunities. But it looks as if Tracy’s about to get her big break.

Sixth story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. The maternity ward: the last place you’d associate with criminal activity. Which makes it as good a place as any to carry it out.

First story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. Billy Partridge wasn’t really cut out to be a cat burglar, but it was ‘do the job, or come up with thirteen grand by Thursday, or have both legs shattered’.‘Do the job’ seemed the least worst option. But he’s about to find out just how bad the least worst option can be….

Ninth story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. Kayleigh’s a professional. But lap-dancing has rules. And when someone breaks the rules….

Tenth story in a collection of interlinked tales of crime and retribution laced with dark humour, set around the festive season. Lord Peter Forsyth-Leven, MSP, is about to discover that having it all just means you’ve got more to lose….