Comedy Humor World

This panoramic fictional oral history begins with one small mystery: the body of a young woman found in an Arizona border town, presumed to be an illegal immigrant, disappears from the town morgue. Soon, the US government - and eventually biomedical researchers, disgruntled lawmakers, and even an insurgent faction of the Catholic Church - must come to terms with what they're too late to stop: an epidemic of vampirism that will sweep first the United States, and then the world. With heightened strength and beauty and a steady diet of fresh blood, these changed people, or "Gloamings", rapidly rise to prominence in all aspects of modern society.

The plan is to leave. As for how, when, to where, and even why - she doesn’t know yet. So begins a journey for the 24-year-old narrator of Days of Distraction. As a staff writer at a prestigious tech publication, she reports on the achievements of smug Silicon Valley billionaires and start-up bros while her own request for a raise gets bumped from manager to manager. And when her longtime boyfriend, J, decides to move to a quiet upstate New York town for grad school, she sees an excuse to cut and run.

To understand the news, the context of world geography and history is essential. That is why The Onion is publishing an audio world atlas: to help us. News that now makes no sense will now make sense; thus a new age of enlightenment. Our Dumb World contains news and historic facts from other nations, and the earth broken down and described (from its molten core to the outermost sphere), as well as demographic, economic, and other data about each country's people, industries, and habits.

Chef extraordinaire Gina Foxton doesn't expect anything to be handed to her on a platter. After years of hard work, the former runner-up Miss Teen Vidalia Onion is now the host of her own local Georgia public television show called Fresh Start, and she's dating the show's producer.

“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate,” he wrote. “When he can’t afford it and when he can.” The publishing company Twain owned was failing; his investment in a typesetting device was bleeding red ink. After losing hundreds of thousands of dollars back when a beer cost a nickel, he found himself neck-deep in debt. His heiress wife, Livy, took the setback hard. “I have a perfect horror and heart-sickness over it,” she wrote. “I cannot get away from the feeling that business failure means disgrace.”

"Take my wife—please!" Henny Youngman, the king of one-liners, delivers a classic collection of jokes. For more than sixty years, Henny Youngman provoked giggles, roars, and belly laughs for audiences on stage, in nightclubs, and on radio television. In his famous style, Henny delivers rapid-fire jokes in succession. He adds even more zest to this recording with a variety of anecdotes featuring the greatest names in show business. From funny bone ticklers to groaners, these jokes and stories are delivered the way only Henny Youngman, the Master of Comedy, can.

For all those craving more adventures of their favorite bookseller-by-day and burglar-by-night, The Burglar in Short Order for the first time ever collects all of Bernie Rhodenbarr's short-form appearances in one complete volume. From the story in which a prototype of Bernie first appeared (“A Bad Night for Burglars”) to his appearances in Playboy and (maybe? It's kinda complicated) Cosmopolitan...from an essay discussing Bernie's misadventures in Hollywood to a piece commissioned by a European publisher for a tourist guide to New York....

In 1729, Swift published A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland Being a Burden on Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick known today as A Modest Proposal. In this satire, Swift grotesquely suggests how the poor could solve the problem of their numerous families which they are struggling to feed.

The Labyrinth of the World is about a fellow named Pilgrim who treks through the world in order to find the best way to live, aided by two guides: Mr. Ubiquitous and Mr. Delusion. Pilgrim finds much to be concerned about in the world. Ultimately, he finds something he had not planned upon in his journey: The Paradise of the Heart. This original pilgrim allegory was penned 55 years before Pilgrim's Progress. Find out how an educator and theologian, with real-life experience, penned a profound story that is still contemporary today.

Ali Eteraz’s much-anticipated debut novel is the story of M., a supportive husband, adventureless dandy, lapsed believer, and second-generation immigrant who wants nothing more than to host parties and bring children into the world as full-fledged Americans. As M.’s life gradually fragments around him - a wife with a chronic illness; a best friend stricken with grief; a boss jeopardizing a respectable career - M. spins out into the pulsating underbelly of Philadelphia, where he encounters others grappling with fallout from the War on Terror.

Stefan Fatsis, a former Wall Street Journal reporter and National Public Radio regular, recounts his remarkable rise through the ranks of elite Scrabble players while exploring the game's strange, potent hold over them - and him. Scrabble might truly be called America's game. More than two million sets are sold every year and at least thirty million American homes have one.

Lamar Jimmerson is the leader of the Gnomon Society, the international fraternal order dedicated to preserving the arcane wisdom of the lost city of Atlantis. Stationed in France in 1917, Jimmerson comes across a little book crammed with Atlantean puzzles, Egyptian riddles, and extended alchemical metaphors. It's the Codex Pappus—the sacred Gnomon text. Soon he is basking in the lore of lost Atlantis, convinced that his mission on earth is to administer to and extend the ranks of the noble brotherhood.

Independent bookstore owner Sophie Bernstein is burned out on books. Mourning the death of her husband, the loss of her favorite manager, her only child’s lack of aspiration, and the grim state of the world, she fantasizes about going into hiding in the secret back room of her store. Meanwhile, renowned poet Raymond Chaucer has published a new collection, and rumors that he’s to blame for his wife’s suicide have led to cancellations of his publicity tour. He intends to set the record straight—with a fine-point Sharpie—but only one shop still plans to host him: Sophie’s.

Elvira Carr believes in rules. She also strongly believes in crisp schedules, clear guidelines, and taking people at face value. Not that the 27-year-old sees many people. After several unfortunate incidents, her overbearing mother keeps her at home. But when her mother has a stroke, Elvira is suddenly on her own. To help her navigate a world that is often puzzling, she draws up seven ironclad rules. Armed with these, a notebook full of questions, and guidance from a helpful neighbor, she takes charge of herself.

Chef extraordinaire Gina Foxton doesn't expect anything to be handed to her on a platter. After years of hard work, the former runner-up Miss Teen Vidalia Onion is now the host of her own local Georgia public television show called Fresh Start, and she's dating the show's producer. But when her show gets canceled - and she catches her boyfriend in flagrante delicto with the boss' wife - Gina realizes that she's meant for bigger and better things. Namely, a gig on national television.

Amiah is given the opportunity to discover what true adventuring is like. She ends up participating in person rather than merely reading about it in a book or watching it in a movie. Something terrible has happened to the lidra of Ti's Nest and it is up to Amiah to help her friends through harrowing and comical challenges that take on a creepy edge when they realize the enemy they are up against is a spider-like people. Perhaps the privilege of riding a giant saber tooth cat will make it worth it!

Brussels, 1943. Twelve-year-old street orphan Helene survives by living as a boy and selling copies of the country’s most popular newspaper, Le Soir, now turned into Nazi propaganda. Helene’s entire world changes when she befriends a rogue journalist, Marc Aubrion, who draws her into a secret network that publishes dissident underground newspapers. The Nazis track down Aubrion’s team and give them an impossible choice: Turn the resistance newspapers into a Nazi propaganda bomb that will sway public opinion against the Allies, or be killed.

Once an amusing extrovert with a reputation as a prankster, Mr. Rosen is entering his senior years as a stoic, thirty-year converted introvert who hates change, has little to no interest in people and is more than content to have his wife sit in the navigator's seat of his life. Since becoming a practising introvert, there have been almost no changes in his life, and for the few that there were, his wife had walked him through them, including the recent move to a much smaller home in a lower/middle-class neighbourhood.

In a suburban Atlanta neighborhood where divorce is as rampant as kudzu, Mary Bliss McGowan doesn't notice that her own marriage is in trouble until the summer night she finds a note from her husband, telling her he's gone. Stunned and humiliated, a desperate Mary Bliss, left behind with 17-year-old daughter Erin and a mountain of debt, decides to salvage what's left of her life by telling one little bitty lie.

Penguin presents the unabridged, downloadable audiobook edition of Peace Work, written and read by Spike Milligan. "I had not informed my parents of my return. I wanted it to be a lovely surprise; it was for me - they were away...." The seventh and last volume of Spike Milligan's memoirs sees our hero returning from war and Italy...but to what? Aside from shooting large, inaccurate guns at Germans, all he has done for five long years is blow a trumpet....