Comedy Survival

My name is Gary Rendell. I'm an astronaut. When they asked me as a kid what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said, "astronaut, please!" I dreamed astronaut, I worked astronaut, I studied astronaut. I got lucky; when a probe exploring the Oort Cloud found a strange alien rock and an international team of scientists was put together to go and look at it, I made the draw. I got even luckier. When disaster hit and our team was split up, scattered through the endless cold tunnels, I somehow survived. Now I'm lost, and alone, and scared, and there's something horrible in here. Lucky me.

The Zombie Survival Guide is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now. Exhaustively comprehensive, this book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behavior, the most effective defense tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain.

We guarantee this is the only tool you need to survive the zombie apocalypse. Okay, that's not really true. But when the SHTF, you're going to want a survival guide that's not just geared toward day-to-day survival. You'll need one that addresses the essential skills for true nourishment of the human spirit.

Mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark is fed up with the harsh life of the American frontier, where it seems everything and anything can kill you: Duels at high noon. Barroom brawls. Poisonous snakes. Cholera-infected drinking water. Tumbleweed abrasion. Something called “toe-foot.” Even a trip to the outhouse. Yes, there are a million ways to die in the wild, wild West, and Albert plans to avoid them all. Some people think that makes him a coward. Albert calls it common sense.

Fresh off of a victorious treasure hunt and rescue mission in South America, Addison Cooke just can't seem to steer clear of rogue bandits, pesky booby traps, and secret treasure troves. Addison's aunt and uncle, on the other hand, are none too happy about their habit of attracting kidnappers. When they become pawns in a dangerous gang's plan to steal the most prized possession of the notorious Mongolian leader Genghis Khan, Addison and his friends find themselves once again caught in the middle of a multi-million-dollar international heist.

A one-in-ten-billion natural disaster devastates Chicago. A Jewish comedian, his most devoted fan, and the city’s mayor must struggle to move forward while the world—quite literally—caves beneath their feet. With this polyphonic tale of Chicago-style politics and political correctness, stand-up comedy and Jewish identity, celebrity, drugs, and animal psychology, Levin has constructed a monument to laughter, love, art, and resilience in an age of spectacular loss.

After being jilted, Margaret Stredwick has sworn off men and marriage. What she needs is a holiday. But a detour along the way takes a surprising turn that leads Meg to him. And soon she starts to wonder if she should indulge in one grand flirtation before she’s firmly on the shelf. The instant Lucien Ambrose, Duke of Merleton, finds a strange woman touring the halls of his ancient estate, he knows the minx is up to something. So, when a family heirloom is stolen, it’s clear who the culprit is.

My mother's life goal has been to see me, geek extraordinaire Lexi Carmichael, happily married. So bringing my first boyfriend, Slash, home for dinner has me hyperventilating. Things get a lot worse when bullets start flying over our corn chowder. Now the entire alphabet soup of government agencies want my help finding the man behind the attack – Johannes Broodryk, a cyber-mercenary I foiled on my last case. He wants revenge and he's taken something of mine to ensure I'll play, so it's game on. But the government has its own agenda, and Slash is not on board with the plan. Things are a bit bumpy in paradise.

I have a confession. I hate bachelorette parties. A night of awkward dancing, penis-shaped straws and being told “you're next, Kaitlyn!” Even worse: It's hosted at a super swanky Miami club where I stick out like a sore thumb. Couldn’t get any worse, right?

Kerri Louise is Mean Mommy! With her fearless and hilarious attitude toward modern motherhood, comic Kerri Louise tells all and never holds back. Truthful and funny, Mean Mommy attempts to balance her career in the comedy trenches and stay grounded while raising three boys.

One of the human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of hilariously macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, The Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Der Zombie Survival Guide ist der Schlüssel zur erfolgreichen Abwehr von Untoten, die eine ständige Bedrohung für den Menschen darstellen. Mittels umfassender Informationen deckt dieser Überlebensführer das ganze Spektrum möglicher Angriffs- und Abwehrtechniken ab. Er gibt Ratschläge zu zombiesicherem Wohnen, erläutert Physiologie und typische Verhaltensmuster von Zombies und beschreibt die wichtigsten Utensilien im Kampf gegen diese hinterhältigen Gegner.

We all come to crossroads in our lives where a step in one direction or another can dictate the rest of our time on the planet. It can happen just once for some, or like Stephen and his son Terry, it can happen often and each time they make a choice, they have half a chance to make the right one. If it is wrong then the next choice, even though it may be fueled by alcohol or drugs, may be a little more complex, and so it goes, life unfolds, and we take what we get.

Vampires have walked among us for thousands of years. These reanimated corpses survive by draining and consuming the blood of the living, and their threat to humanity cannot be ignored. Throughout the centuries, professors and peasants have offered their own vampire-fighting tips, but these were often old wives' tales, based more on superstition than on fact. Here, for the first time, is a comprehensive vampire-fighting guide for the 21st century.

This might sound funny to you right now, but what if it happens? You would be glad you have listened to this book. Plus, it is possible for you to use some ideas here for real emergencies, like typhoons, tsunami or earthquake. How Zombies Come into Being. You must have seen at least a dozen films depicting zombies eating flesh and taking over an entire metropolis, but, hey, where do zombies originate and why do they enjoy eating brains that much?

A frank and hilarious guide to every man's mind-numbing nemesis: Shopping.Guys, spent one too many Saturdays marooned at the mall? This indispensable sanity-saver exposes the hidden history and insidious psychology of shopping. Hint: it's crazy. Plus, this book cool-headedly guides you through the treacherous, credit card-melting mazes.

Moving to New York City is the worst decision you'll ever make. Unless you're like a certain singer who arrived with millions of dollars and legions of screaming fans. You're going to live in the equivalent of a shack [shit hole], suffer through moronic roommates [personal death], be broke off your ass [literally], and all while trying to prove to the world [yourself] you can make it in the big city. You can call it a day and crawl back to wherever you hail from or you can put on your big girl panties and survive.

This is a collection of short stories written over my Christmas vacation. Go ahead, take a free look inside and see for yourself! If this book can't make you smile; nothing else will.

Star reporter for the New York Times, the world's most powerful newspaper; foreign correspondent in some of the most dangerous fields; Pulitzer winner; and longest-jailed correspondent for protecting her sources, Judith Miller is highly respected and controversial. In this memoir she turns her reporting skills on herself with the intensity of her professional vocation.

Nathan Lochmueller studies birds for just enough money to live and learn on. He drives a glitter-festooned truck, the Gypsy Moth, and he is in love with Lola, a woman so free-spirited and mysterious she can break a man's heart with a sigh or a shrug. Around them swirls a remarkable cast of characters: the proprietor of Fast Eddie's Burgers, the genius behind "Thong Thursdays"; Uncle Dart, a Texan who brings his swagger to Indiana with profound and nearly devastating results; a snapping turtle with a taste for thumbs; a German Shepherd who howls backup vocals; and the very charismatic state of Indiana itself.