Dark Humor Horror

Love is one of those four-letter words that people like to throw around, but sometimes love can be one of the meanest and nastiest games in town. If you have ever had your heart broken - then this audiobook is for you. If you enjoy the taste of strong meat - then this audiobook is for you. If you've got a sense of weird that is honed as sharp as a cutthroat's knife - then this audiobook is for you. Here are three of the strangest love stories you have ever read.

Two years ago, publicly shunned comedian Diddy Dave Diamond convinced the nation that he was dead, only to return from beyond the grave to seek retribution on those who ruined his career and tainted his legacy. Innocent or not, only one person survived Diddy Dave Diamond's last-ever game show, but the forfeit prize was imprisonment for similar alleged crimes. But there's a sudden glimmer of hope: Someone has surfaced in the public eye claiming to be the dead comedian.

Walsall, once named the fattest town in UK, has a major sewerage problem. Like the arteries of many of its inhabitants, the main sewer is fast becoming blocked. A fatberg of record proportions has formed and finally clogged up the sewer system. But something foul and gluttonous awaits them buried deep in the thick, greasy rank smelling lard.

Most people have regrets. Ask them. They will tell you about the opportunities they missed, the dreams they left behind, and the memories of lost loves, locked away until their journeys end. We have no such luxuries, those of us entangled with the dead. It is our job as exorcists to guide them from this world, and finish their unfinished business, even if it means searching for 300 missing souls. This is a recollection of my first case, from a time when I thought nothing of the shadows beneath my feet.

Detective Chetwyn has a problem. He believes his chief superintendent might be vampire. He believes that mysterious eccentric Freddie Valentine might be one as well, and that he's going to be bumped off by Valentine's Polish hard-man Oneski.

Donny Spanks is a troubled man. Obsessed with his favorite actress, he sets out to create the perfect woman in her likeness. Using knowledge gained from watching crime shows on T.V., his first few attempts resulted in near disaster; however, he is able to refine his methods, which are extremely barbaric. Through trial and error, he kidnaps women and removes the parts he needs in order to piece them together into the perfect human jigsaw puzzle.

Whit had done everything right, but when the world seems against you, can good boys stay good? Whit never drank in excess, never said a bad word to anyone, did his taxes, even called his mom on Sundays, never even had a tattoo...until one night, the night a malicious clown turned everything upside down.

Vampires have walked among us for thousands of years. These reanimated corpses survive by draining and consuming the blood of the living, and their threat to humanity cannot be ignored. Throughout the centuries, professors and peasants have offered their own vampire-fighting tips, but these were often old wives' tales, based more on superstition than on fact. Here, for the first time, is a comprehensive vampire-fighting guide for the 21st century.

This is the story of a drug deal gone bad. Having committed the crime of selling a potent poison to a desperate youth, a destitute apothecary must decide how to spend his ill-gained fortune. Resolving to start his career afresh, he flees to the city of Verona to set up a new shop of medicinal healing and alchemical discovery. Plans go awry when he finds himself in the middle of a woeful tragedy he had unwittingly helped to cause.

Kate and Michael, twenty-something housemates working at the same Trader Joe’s supermarket, are thoroughly screwed when people start turning into zombies at their house party in the Oakland hills. The zombie plague is a sexually transmitted disease, turning its victims into shambling, horny, voracious killers.

Whatever happened to that bumbling skeleton army from our favorite movie about a time-traveling S-Mart employee? Finally, the whole story.

After the hurricane, Reggie and Betsy discover a portion of their backyard has begun to sink. Fearing the ground will open up and swallow their house sooner rather than later Reggie calls the city to come fix it, but pushback from the local Sheriff slows the process down by a day. Come nightfall the power goes out, the sinkhole opens, and a busload of ghoulish children crawl to the surface for their first meal in 52 years.

Here I am, Charlie f--king Whitman - still pissed from last night, driving a rental car with two retarded kids in the back, somewhere between Barcelona and Paris. I used to be an art dealer. I suppose I still am, but now I do bad things for good money. Everything has its price, and I think I've just found mine.

What is PJ doing with the man in the box in his basement? The man in the box deserves whatever he gets, and PJ is just the man to give it to him.

Wynn Powe comes from a long line of powerful women, but when an elusive enemy draws too close for comfort, Wynn pursues a creature who can put an end to the fight. But when the powerful Guardian she calls forth makes her heart beast faster and her breath quicken, she must handle something she didn't count on at all - an earth-shattering attraction to the monster himself. Enter Knox. He may be a newly summoned gargoyle, but he possesses all the skills and memories of his race...and that includes protecting the beautiful woman he's bound to.

Brightness Falls isn't just the name of the TV show that womanizing man-child Andrew Ware has been painstakingly creating for the last couple years, it's also his hometown. A town that he loves as much as he hates. By request of no one, Andrew returns home to help his sister separate from her husband, only to become sidetracked by a beautiful woman. A few drinks and few compliments later the woman is dead, killed in a tragic oral sex accident. In which Andrew would have lost his own life if it weren’t for the dapperly dressed, antler-headed, human skeleton named Doug.

When Ellie and her family move into Inchwood Manor, Ellie quickly discovers strange things are happening. Who is the mysterious boy at the window? What secrets lie within the abandoned nursery? Who is the woman who haunts Ellie’s dreams - and why has she returned to the Manor, after more than a century?

Peculiar Monstrosities is packed with 14 exquisitely crafted stories from new and established authors of Bizarro fiction.

Los Angeles and Lucifer are a lot alike. They both seduce and lure with promises of wealth, fame, beauty, or love. But those promises are often empty; and even when they’re not, there’s a price to pay.

My name is Barry, although it might as well be Loser. Satan owns my soul, and my demon boss, Margery, tortures me with her magical cigarettes every chance she gets. While I’m desperate for freedom, I’ll do anything to stop her from opening the Gates of Hell…or any other crazy thing she has planned. My odds of saving mankind are uncertain, but I have to try.