Epic Fantasy Comedy

Here is Old Man's War author John Scalzi's sendup of the heroic fantasy genre, now a finalist for the Hugo Award for Best Short Story.

Pix just wants to hunt monsters, craft armor, and pay off her college loans. Her partner Jaz does too. She just wants to pet the monsters more. While wearing impractical hot pants armor. And wielding a sword so massive she needs magic gems to carry it.

All Lex wanted was to help his good buddy Gryph find his sister and maybe save the world along the way. But everything goes wrong from the start when Lex gets separated from Gryph during their transfer into the Realms. Lost, alone, and forced to live the same day over and over, Lex must defeat the agent of a despotic god, uncover hidden truths about himself, and find his way back to his friend. If he fails the Realms face destruction.

Witness the epic battle of the cyclops! Visit the endangered dragon preserve! Please, no slaying. Solve the mystery of The Mystery Cottage, if you dare! Buy some knickknacks from The Fates! They might come in handy later. On a road trip across an enchanted America, Helen and Troy will discover all this and more. If the curse placed upon them by an ancient god doesn't kill them or the pack of reluctant orc assassins don't catch up to them, Helen and Troy might reach the end their journey in one piece, where they might just end up destroying the world.

Yancy Lazarus is having a bad day: there's a bullet lodged in his butt cheek, his face looks like the site of a demolition derby, and he's been saran-wrapped to a banquet table. He never should have answered the phone. Stupid bleeding heart - helping others in his circles is a good way to die - just ask the gang members ripped to pieces by some kind of demonic nightmare in LA.

Living in a virtual game world sounds like the ultimate dream. Plenty of action, intrigue, and guess who gets to be the big hero? But what happens when that digital reality gets flipped on its head? Bad guys are after your sweet loot, your fancy title is loaded with unrealistic expectations, and achieving such a high level comes with a big fat target on your back. Something has to give, so when a new crusader faction rolls into town, Talon senses an opportunity.

Leon is settling into his new virtual life, just him and his harem of skimpily clad maidens. With Brightla’s new Adventurer’s Guild near completion, things are looking on the up and up. Now if only he could live in peace, but that doesn’t seem like an option in the virtual world. Too bad no one else has any OP cheat abilities like him, so it should be fine, right? In any case, Leon won’t let anyone threaten his maidens, especially when more than one of them are eating for two...

Murland Kadabra has always dreamed of becoming a great wizard. However, at age 19, the young apprentice has yet to successfully cast a single spell. He has been reduced to grounds keeper of Abra Tower, and has become the laughing stock of the wizarding school. But when the Most High Wizard Kazimir chooses him to be one of the five Champions of the Dragon, Murland's life changes forever.

Max's coworkers treat him like hot garbage, and his manager is a superficial dolt. Unfortunately for him, his fate was sealed before he was even born, and it's way worse than working part-time in a coffee shop. Confronted out of the blue by a floating demonic eye, Max doesn't take it seriously, because who would? So when the flesh is ripped from his bones and he's hurled, screaming, into a fantastic and terrifying new world, he's a little surprised. When he learns his task is to free the daughter of the god of death who's been chained and tortured for centuries, he is stunned.

With the blood of a Dragon on his hands, Anuka Sandbar and his friends flee from the horde of Dragons hunting them. Desperate for a weapon to use against the Dragons, Anuka assembles a band of professional thieves and thugs to infiltrate a secret dungeon.

After serving with Keane to save Greenshade, the cowardly, illusion-making runecrafter Morholt leads a group of mercenaries on a mission to save the women from his past. His one rule: No killing. But after a terrible accident leaves one of Sarah’s oldest friends dead in the Sedrian jungle, the unstoppable Hill Fury pursues Morholt relentlessly across the Thirteen Kingdoms. Because the renewed Temple of the Sky is trying to murder all those with the sacrilegious runecrafting ability, Sarah requests their help. But soon Sarah must decide who her true enemies are.

Daniel's Anleitung zum vorzeitigen Ruhestand. Fange einen illegalen Geldtransfer vom Mafiaboss ab. Verstecke dich im super exklusiven Full Immersion Virtual Reality Spiel, bis die Jagd nachläßt. Würfle einen Barden. Maximiere Charisma. Lotterleben. Profitieren. Nachdem die ganze lästige Planung erledigt war, machte sich Daniel daran, seinen ultimativen Traum zu verwirklichen: Genug Geld zu verdienen, um eine tropische Insel zu kaufen und seine Tage mit Geige spielen und RPGs zu verbringen. Was könnte da schon schiefgehen?

Now that they have an employer - one who is a princess, no less - Mishap's Heroes can look forward to a nice, steady gig smack in the middle of the most civilized city in Southglen. No more running around, scrambling after petty villains. Or so they thought. Vola and the others barely make it to the city before they learn there's treason afoot, and as the Dagger Throne's new problem-solvers, Mishap's Heroes had better come up with a plan quick, before enemies of the Throne take a bite out of the princess's power. Unfortunately, it's not just traitors they have to worry about.

Sylvalla escapes Avondale castle and the life of a princess, in search of the adventure she’s always wanted. Once found, adventure bites back. Fortunately, she's not alone. Unfortunately, her new-found companions are less than heroic. A quirky and original fantasy, Quest has everything - heroes, monsters, chases, escapes, and a complete lack of true love. Become a student of magic today, and discover the true fighter, warrior, and most un-princess-like Princess Sylvalla, as she battles for her place as a hero!

Richard L. Pastore offers up a lighthearted rendition of the original tale of Perseus, complete with gods and gorgons. The story begins with Acrisius, king of Argos, discovering he will have a grandson who is predestined to kill him. That child, Perseus, reaches adulthood and with the aid of two gods embarks on a quest taking him to the edges of the ancient Hellenic world.

Gideon Sunday, an ex-semi-professional American Football player, goes to his pantry to retrieve an awful bottle of his (dead) sister's fruit preserves. When he gets there, he discovers a meadow in his pantry. He closes the door, takes a few breaths, and begins to investigate. Upon discovering that A) no one is playing a trick on him, B) there really IS a meadow in his cupboard, and C) there is something three-quarters of ugly coming out of it, he decides to beat a monster to death with a baseball bat.

Marius dos Hellespont and his apprentice, Gerd, are professional looters of battlefields. When they stumble upon the corpse of the King of Scorby and Gerd is killed, Marius is mistaken for the monarch by one of the dead soldiers and is transported down to the Kingdom of the Dead. Just like the living citizens, the dead need a king - after all, the king is God’s representative, and someone needs to remind God where they are. And so it comes to pass that Marius is banished to the surface with one message: If he wants to recover his life he must find the dead king.

To become a Dark Lord is no easy thing. The simple ambition to hold dominion over the world and bend all to your will sounds straightforward, but it's not. There are armies to raise, fortresses to build, heroes to defeat, and battles to be fought. After many spectacular failures, Evil decided to lend more than inspiration to these would-be tyrants. He wrote an easy-to-follow Dark Lord's Handbook. And yet the next Dark Lord that came along screwed up like all the others.

Bohdi Patel is keeping the revelation that he is Chaos incarnate a secret - and handling the revelation about as well as one would expect. He's in a downward spiral: losing his lease, totaling his car, and trying to keep everyone he cares about at arm's length. Veterinarian Amy Lewis is wondering what happened to the funny, flirty, curious Bohdi she knew in the land of the Norns. He's become moody and sometimes cruel. She is definitely glad that she didn't become romantically entangled with him...most of the time.

The realm of New Sylestia had enjoyed a thousand years of peace, protected by a powerful Sequestering spell. But the harmony that had once existed between Elf and Human society is now threatened from within, and Lorewyn, an Elven archer and war heroine haunted by her own past, is caught between her heritage and loyalty to her most beloved friend...and fighting for her human neighbors and a higher cause.