Fantasy Comedy Teen

“Before I can begin my tale, you need to know about the king's panties.” So begins the epic adventure of 14-year-old Nigel, digger of latrines, shoveler of poop, and the single greatest threat to all the humans, elves, and halflings of Esteria. Nigel needs to escape from military school. Who can blame him? After all, the king just declared war on the gorks, and he's pretty sure his latrine-digging skills aren't going to be much good on the front lines.

Meg Cabot is the New York Times best-selling author of The Princess Diaries series. Susannah Simon is a teenager who can see ghosts. As a bridge between the living and the dead, she gets called on to help ghosts take care of unfinished business. After she and her mother move from New York City to sunny California, Suze meets the sexiest boy she's ever seen, too bad he's a ghost, too.

Get four complete stories in Frank Kurns: Tales of the Underworld: You Don't Touch John's Cousin, Bitch's Night Out, Bitch's Night Out, and Challenges.

For Twilight fans and beyond: the ultimate guide to love and sex, vampire-style. Women daring and lucky enough to discover romance with a vampire claim to enjoy the most intense love and sex of their lives. But how do you find a vampire of your very own? And just how do you get him interested in ravishing you within an inch of your life? Will the ecstasy of the coupling be worth the inherent risks of vampire love—the risks of drinking your blood, the risks of secrecy, and the risks of betrayal?

When America won the Revolutionary War, its people offered General George Washington a crown. Two and a half centuries later, the House of Washington still sits on the throne. Like most royal families, the Washingtons have an heir and a spare. A future monarch and a backup battery. Each child knows exactly what is expected of them. But these aren't just any royals. They're American.

You may think you know the story. Penniless orphan Jane Eyre begins a new life as a governess at Thornfield Hall, where she meets one dark, brooding Mr. Rochester - and, listener, she marries him. Or does she? Prepare for an adventure of Gothic proportions in this standalone follow-up to My Lady Jane, which was called “an utter delight” (ALA Booklist, starred review), and “an uproarious historical fantasy that’s not to be missed” (Publishers Weekly, starred review).

We can't say much, but we can say this: Skulduggery and Valkyrie are going to team up with beloved characters from the first nine audiobooks as well as an all-new cast, including new teen costar Omen Darkly, for an adventure that takes the story to truly global proportions...while answering questions that go right back to the beginning.

From Snuff: Vimes looked at the cover. The title was The World of Poo. When his wife was out of eyeshot he carefully leafed through it. Well, okay, you had to accept that the world had moved on and these days’ fairy stories were probably not going to be about twinkly little things with wings. As he turned page after page, it dawned on him that whomever had written this book, they certainly knew what would make kids like Young Sam laugh until they were nearly sick. The bit about sailing down the river almost made him smile.

A self-described loser, Koyomi Araragi is struggling at a prep school that he should never have gotten into. He has all but quit caring, but as a senior, he faces the chilling scenario of not being able to graduate. It's time to cram, but the supernatural aberrations that keep on popping up in his provincial town won’t let him be. Previously, our hero turned into a vampire and back, gained an acid-tongued girlfriend, and couldn't find his way home thanks to a lost child.

Mary may have inherited the brilliant mind of her late mother, Mary Wollstonecraft, but she lives a drab life above her father’s bookstore, waiting for an extraordinary idea that’ll inspire a work worthy of her parentage—and impress her rakishly handsome (and super-secret) beau, Percy Shelley. Ada Lovelace knows a thing or two about superstar parents, what with her dad being Lord Byron, the most famous poet on Earth. But her passions lie far beyond the arts—in mechanical engineering, to be exact.

Placed under a death debt to a local king by the actions of her mother, Cups finds she can't grow her wings like a proper fairy should. Faced with a sentence of life without the possibility of flight unless she can fulfill her mother's oath, she takes a job at the castle as the Least Jester - only to find the job riddled with all manner of dangers from cupcakes to tea daemons to earth dragons and, worst of all, daydreaming princesses.

Welcome to the preview of Funny Stories and Knock Knock Jokes Bundle. This bundle consists of two audiobooks.

A Breton princess at the peak of the French Renaissance, Lilac lives prisoner in her parents' castle after a wicked secret is revealed on the eve of her 10th birthday soirée. Years later, her coronation ceremony looms, and Lilac prepares for the worst...until a mysterious letter arrives from The Witch of Lupine Grotto, detailing a curious offer to cure her darkness forever. Lilac begrudgingly trades her coronet for a cloak and ventures into the forest Brocéliande in pursuit of the impious enchantress at the edge of town.

Years have passed since Myla Lewis last fought gladiator-style in Purgatory's Arena. Now, she’s fighting again, only this time in Hell. And the stakes have never been higher. The demon King of Hell, Armageddon, has kidnapped Myla and Lincoln’s young son, Maxon. Myla knows that a war against Hell will cost millions of lives, so she devises her own plan, involving a small attack team and a secret entrance to Hell. Will Myla save Maxon, or will her child - and all the after-realms - fall to Armageddon?

Ellie Kobata has spent most of high school on the sidelines, keeping her art Instagram private and shying away from the world. She can’t even tell her only friend, Lia, who she really is: Ellie is part of a secret magical community, and no one outside of it can know it exists. The only person Ellie could fully relate to was Jack Yasuda—her childhood friend who mysteriously started to snub her a few years ago. But before senior year, Ellie is ready to take some risks and have a life-changing summer, starting with her Anti-Wallflower List.

Perfect for fans of Mercedes Lackey's 500 Kingdoms series! Beast Charming tells the story of Beauty, who works as a temp at an agency run by a high-tempered dragon. To avoid running into her conniving and desperately-craving-for-nobility father - conveniently named Noble - she takes on a peculiar job that will force her to converse with James, who got cursed by an ex-girlfriend and is now spending his days as, well, a beast.

Amber Sand, legendary matchmaker, couldn't be more surprised when her arch nemesis, Ivy, comes asking for her help. Ivy's sister, Iris, is getting married, and Ivy wants to prove her sister is making a huge mistake. But as Amber looks into Iris's eyes, there doesn't seem to be a problem - Iris has clearly found her match. It seems happily ever after is in the cards, but when Iris seeks out a dangerous, life-altering spell, it's up to Amber and Ivy to set aside their rivalry and save the day.

Now that life has finally given her everything she's ever wanted, Mattie Lowe has one thing on her mind: prom. Determined to throw the most epic prom ever, Mattie sets out to plan a memorable and magical event - one that would make the late John Hughes proud. But when her gorgeous and perfect boyfriend, Jake Kingston, hasn't popped the most creative promposal of all time, Mattie starts to worry. Actually, Jake hasn't asked her at all - he's been distant and quiet. And Mattie isn't about to go to her senior prom solo.

To become a Dark Lord is no easy thing. The simple ambition to hold dominion over the world and bend all to your will sounds straightforward, but it's not. There are armies to raise, fortresses to build, heroes to defeat, and battles to be fought. After many spectacular failures, Evil decided to lend more than inspiration to these would-be tyrants. He wrote an easy-to-follow Dark Lord's Handbook. And yet the next Dark Lord that came along screwed up like all the others.

Some people bomb auditions. Sadie Ramirez throws up during her tryouts on TV show America's Top Talent. Her performance is so bad, it earns her a fairy godmother through the Magical Alliance's Pitiful Damsel Outreach Program. Enter Chrysanthemum Everstar: a gum-chewing, cell-phone-carrying, high-heel-wearing fairy godmother in training.