Satire Science

An implant that gives moral advice whether you like it or not, an irritable galactic ambassador examining Earth’s religions, a future where love can’t happen without litigation, pushy alien anthropologists without regard for the human need for privacy, discrimination against an artificial intelligence in a multicultural world, alien sex - love in the time of deformity, neighborly nitpicking made easy by Computer Court, the excruciating reality of Martian music, invasion of the toe snatchers, something crunchy on the menu, and a transgenic pig dog at war with an android nemesis.

There's nothing that 17-year-old Kallie Grande-White hungers for more than to be a famous model like her mother - except maybe actually food. But that's a small inconvenience, especially with the Model Middle America reality show holding auditions for the Next Top Heartland Teen Heartthrob Model right in Kallie's hometown. Nothing's going to stand in Kallie's way as she claws her way to the top. But when Kallie downs half a dozen of her PhD-in-nuclear-nanotechnology grandmother's radioactive doughnuts in a momentary fit of rage, everything changes - starting with her own body!

When the mysterious zookeeper of Clarendon Zoo grants his animals freedom to govern themselves, the creatures create a new land founded upon life, liberty, and happiness for all animals. Though the land seems to function well, each species soon realizes they have differing visions for how the land should be governed. With the help of Eagle and Owl’s propaganda, the traditional wolves and the progressive sheep quickly emerge as leaders. The two species fight to spread their contradictory visions, pitting the animals against one another, and inadvertently throw the zoo into chaos.

Celebrity-chasing paparazzo Barry Young was abducted by aliens when he was six, an experience he does not remember. He can only piece together what happened that night by what his best friend Scott (who was also abducted) tells him. One night, Barry uncovers evidence of an alien invasion that his ex-girlfriend, journalist Nikki Graves, has been assigned to cover. Together, these two estranged exes are hot on the trail of an alien invasion plot 20 Earth years in the making. Will they stop the invasion?

Graham Paint is a downsizing consultant, and sick of it. One morning, he misses his bus when he stops to put a strange caterpillar in a matchbox. As the bus passes, he’s shocked to spot himself inside. Like Schrödinger’s Cat in the famous quantum thought experiment, the caterpillar's spawned parallel possibilities. This comic novel explores Graham’s search for a better life among the various overlapping alternatives.

Mex is heading for the Edinburgh Festival in search of Legless. Hot on her heels is Beryl a leader who has already dropped Mex in it once and now plans to do so again. Beryl must make contact with Mex before Mex finds Legless; retrieve the spark plug but not Legless, find a way back to Planet Hy Man, without Legless and save her planet. And all before the Edinburgh Festival finishes! A feat made near impossible when considering her arch-rival Hilda, a woman as ruthless as a politician (and with the same dress sense) has access to every high- tech spying equipment going.

In the shifting sands of the desert, near an unnamed metropolis, there is an institute where various fellows come to undertake projects of great significance. But when our sort-of hero, Percy Frobisher, arrives, surrounded by the simulated environment of the glass-enclosed dome of the Institute, his mind goes completely blank. When he spills something on his uniform - a major faux pas - he learns about a mysterious shop where you can take something, utter the command “same same,” and receive a replica even better than the original.

His Holiness, the Supreme Spiritual Leader of the Galactic Guild, Glup III, an aging podil, is about to be dethroned and podil-napped all in the same day. The MISFITS decide today is a good day to thwart the evil Cardinal Nog’nik’s plans to take over the Galactic Guild and become a living god. The Galactic Guild dispatches their top agents, George Shooters and Sali Terri to restore Glup III to his righteous position and discover how a pair of bumbling pilgrims have obtained the technology necessary to teleport Glup III from the clutches of a deranged despot.

The whole incident kicks off when God says humans worship him, whether they're blessed or unblessed. A super sweet angel hears this claim and reasons, no, man worships God only when the conditions are right. So, the creator of the universe agrees to enter into a bet with this innocent and highly sensitive angel. Muhammad, the greatest mixed martial artist ever born, being a perfect candidate for the experiment, will have his life ruined at the hands of our misunderstood angel only because he has to prove his point with a peanut butter and jelly supreme being.

What if you could make a change to history that would eliminate the Spanish Inquisition, American slavery, World War II, global warming, and an egomaniacal US president who thought he was smart enough to drop nuclear bombs here and there without negative consequences? What if that change also made the United States and five billion people poof from existence? Would you do it?

In this science fiction satire of westerns, after the American West was destroyed in a series of biological disasters, rebuilding it is a lot like building it in the first place, but there are crucial differences. For example, new, partly mechanical cattle with computer brains are called steerites. They speak and sing a lot more than the original steers. Most of the cowboys, outlaws, and lawmen are partly mechanical, too, except for those few humans called control-naturals. That group has to keep all their original equipment, just like the original cowboys.

Dr. Eve Zachara, a smart, sexy, tech executive and expert in martial arts, is on a mission to save the world from total annihilation. In the future, the fight between Apple and Google has grown into a deadly world war. Corporate fighter jets roar over the deserts of Central Asia, machine guns blast in the jungles of Africa, and high above the planet, vast battles are waged by opposing space fleets. Google has vowed to nuke the Earth from their space based nuclear platform, right after Steve Job's new Keynote speech.

Eight people escape zombie-infested New York. They have only one thing in common: the addict gene. The same genetic quirk that makes alcoholics and addicts susceptible to booze and drugs gives them a mysterious ability to evade the undead. But that's not enough to unite them. They're an unlikely crew: A Botoxed Upper East Sider; a drug dealer; a resentful daughter of addicts; a recovering AA guy; a Japanese ex-dope fiend; an addicted Ivy Leaguer; and a Mexican immigrant.

Sali Terri and George Shooters - two rookie officers from the Galactic Guild - find themselves in way over their heads with political intrigue, working to ratify a treaty with the cantankerous locals of a small planet called Kili Wanna. Every time an agreement is about to be reached with the current emperor, someone kills him off, nullifying the planet's induction into the Galactic Guild. The madness ramps up when outside influences take the matter into their own hands and flood the podunk planet with junk food in an attempt to corrupt their simple lifestyle and force an alliance.

Through strange metaphysical circumstances, failed screenwriter Brad Cohen finds himself caught in an infinite time loop, forced to relive the first forty years of his life again and again. Each "repeat," Brad wakes up in the womb on what was supposed to be his fortieth birthday, with full knowledge of what's come before. In various timelines, he becomes a successful political pundit, a game-show champion, a playboy, and a master manipulator of the stock market, but none of them seems to lead him out of his predicament.

P.J. O'Rourke traces his development from hippie protester to conservative grouch to jaded humorist. Along the way, we are privy to his strange, twisted days as editor in chief of National Lampoon, as well as the in-depth looks at appropriate sports for middle-aged Republicans, namely those which can be engaged in with a smuggled Havana between the teeth - fly-fishing, bird hunting, deep-sea fishing, and of course, golf. Plus, you'll hear O'Rourke's take on the Virtues of Automobiles - because what good was oil doing sitting in the ground for millions of years? - and many other hilarious rants in this off-the-wall collection by America's premier political humorist.

The year is 2297, and life in the Autonomous City of San Francisco is harsh and forbidding...for most people. For the elite so-called hereditary class, it's much easier, and they rule with ancient Roman zeal. Those unfortunate souls outside this group are locked in a desperate struggle for survival, subsisting on whatever limited resources they can lay their hands on. Monitored by the frighteningly all-knowing and capricious "handle device," each citizen's life is controlled by their ranking: a single number that determines what they're worth.

Tritcheon Hash is a satirical ride throught the sci-fi genre. In a futuristic world, women get tired of men and abandon them to stew in their juices on a rapidly declining Earth. They colonize their own planet, "Coney Island," and live in an all-female society.

Since mankind first climbed down from the trees, we have looked out to the stars. We looked outward, wondering what secrets to our existence are out there. Professor John Spanks is about to discover the biggest secret the universe has. John has his world turned upside down when he discovers that all this time, we were looking the wrong way!

Universes are colliding. Characters from a tangle of universes - Star Trek, Marvel, Star Wars, DC Comics, Middle Earth, and more - are colliding in a reality that has gone mad. There is a great disturbance in the Farce! The evil, orange-skinned usurper, Uranus Blowhard, has hypnotized Amerricans with this mind-numbing MAGA chant. Blowhard is determined to collect the five Time Cheaters that will make him the most powerful roach motel tycoon in the Infiniverse. The only thing standing in Blowhard’s way is Captain Quark and his crack team of superheroes, The Funtastic Five.