Satire Science

Joy Randall's Top-five tips for vampire hunters: Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, 10-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker. Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire. No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better....

It is 2085, and Truckee Wallace, a factory worker in Crunchtown 407 (formerly Little Rock, Arkansas, before the secessions), has no grand ambitions besides maybe, possibly, losing his virginity someday. But when Truckee is thrust unexpectedly into the spotlight, he is tapped by the president for a sensitive political mission: to deliver a talking goat across the continent. The fate of the world depends upon it. The problem is - Truckee’s not sure it’s worth it.

In "The Robot Who Looked Like Me," a busy man and a busy woman find a way to carve out time to romance each other—by having look-alike robots made to do the job—who then run away together.

Walter Reddie is a washed-up former astronaut who takes it upon himself to build a rocket ship to rescue his cousin, who is stuck on the International Space Station after a mission gone wrong. If America won’t rescue its astronauts, Walter will do it himself. Violating numerous laws, common sense, logic, and reason, Walter Reddie becomes a lightning rod for people who aren’t ready to lay down and die just yet.

Democratic vice presidential candidate Senator Joseph Lieberman made history when he became the first person of Jewish faith to be included on a major-party ticket. But he wasn't the first one to think of it. Not by a long shot. Long before he ran for office, Al Franken asked the question, Why Not Me? in his comedic audiobook of the same name....

From the elections of Barack Obama and Donald Trump to the tragic events of Ferguson and Charlottesville, the subject of race has come to the forefront of American consciousness. Legendary satirist D. L. Hughley offers his own cutting observations on this contentious issue that continues to traumatize the nation, a wound made more painful by the ongoing comments and actions of the 45th president. Hughley uses humor to draw attention to injustice, sardonically offering advice on a number of lessons, like "How to make cops feel more comfortable while they're handcuffing you".

Pix just wants to hunt monsters, craft armor, and pay off her college loans. Her partner Jaz does too. She just wants to pet the monsters more. While wearing impractical hot pants armor. And wielding a sword so massive she needs magic gems to carry it.

When sociologist Nalini Jackson joins the SS Delany for the first manned mission to Jupiter, all she wants is a career opportunity: the chance to conduct the first field study of group dynamics on long-haul cryoships. But what she discovers instead is an entire city encased in a bubble on Europa, Jupiter’s largest moon.

Gappers will get your goat. Literally. If you don't brush them off and return them to the ocean, these bright orange, many-eyed creatures will cover your goats, and the goats will stop giving milk. In a village called Frip, goat's milk was the entire economy. Three families lived there - the Romos, the Ronsens, and a little girl named Capable and her widowed father, who wanted everything to remain the same. It didn't. One day, the Gappers decided for a good reason to concentrate on Capable's goats. Oh, how the Romos and Ronsens turned their backs on the gapper-ridden Capable!

At the end of the world, the zombies are not the scariest monsters. Something evil and vile now hides among the sheep seeking to devour its very heart. Pastor Mike Brown and his wife, Lauren, are loved by the congregation of the church that rose from the ashes of the zombie apocalypse. But a dark secret, if discovered, could destroy everything.

Set in a fantasy world of unmanageable magics and questionable cosmology, There and NEVER, EVER Back Again: A Dark Lord's Journal is the peculiar, blackly satirical tale of the Dark Lord, who is amassing an army of Things of the Night, and awaiting likely death at the hands of the Elves, the Dwarves, the Armies of Man, and the White Wizard: Embodiment of all that is good and right; just ask him. And: The Chosen One: Victim - sorry, meant to say "Hero" - of a glorious prophecy....

Interstellar con man Rex Nihilo has a price tag on his head. Railroaded into smuggling a shipment of contraband corn to a planet short on food, Rex finds himself on the run from an insidious corporation named Ubiqorp, which reaps obscene profits by keeping the planet dependent on shipments of synthetic rations. When Rex and his long-suffering robot companion Sasha are sentenced to work as slave labor on a massive Ubiqorp plantation, they learn the terrible secret behind the corporation's products.

Stephen and his friends spent their teenage years immersed in the fantasy gaming worlds of wizards and warriors, undertaking quests to fight evil occultists, vanquish terrible monsters, and rescue damsels in distress. Now, 20-something years later, there is a real-life quest. Life as a monk has hardly prepared Brother Stephen for the mission ahead. Demon Rutspud is definitely not a damsel, but he is in distress. The evil occultists are real and if Stephen doesn’t rescue Rutspud from a fate worse than death, no one will...

Inception meets Black Mirror for the YouTube generation. The idea behind MindCast is simple. We insert a small chip into your skull and then every thought, every feeling, every memory is streamed live, 24 hours a day. Trust me - within a few months you'll be the most talked about person on the planet. When David Callow is offered the lead role in a revolutionary new online show, he snatches the opportunity. Rapidly becoming a viral sensation, David is propelled to stratospheric levels of celebrity. However, he soon realises the downside of sharing every secret with the world....

In the near future, Berlin’s real estate is being flipped in the name of “sustainability”, only to make the city even more unaffordable; artists are employed by corporations as consultants, and the weather is acting strange. When Anja and Louis are offered a rent-free home on an artificial mountain - yet another eco-friendly initiative run by a corporation - they seize the opportunity, but it isn’t long before the experimental house begins malfunctioning.

Today's political pundits express shock and disappointment when candidates resort to negative campaigning. But history reveals that smear campaigns are as American as apple pie. Anything for a Vote is a look at 200-plus years of dirty tricks and bad behavior in presidential elections, from George Washington to Barack Obama and John McCain. Let the name-calling begin!

With their fearless crime-fighting, good manners, and manly fashion sense, the Hardly boys are the pride of Feyport, Illinois. In A Ghost in the Closet, dark-haired, muscular Frank and his lovable kid brother, Joe, return from a gay trip to Europe to find that their parents - world-famous detective Fennel P. Hardly and his wife, Mrs. Hardly - have been kidnapped! Even worse, so have six poodles from the Lake Merrimen Dog Show! Pals Nancy Clue, Cherry Aimless, R.N., and Police Detective Jackie Jones help the Hardly boys track down the criminals.

Certainly not the twins at the heart of the matter of all things Apocalypse, Calvin and Trent, who soon must decide what—or rather whom—they’re willing to sacrifice in order to delay your world’s dying gasps. Definitely not the high school principal, Gary Mustafa, whose hyperfixation on balloons will leave your mind only loosely tethered to your head. Then there’s Love and Yew, the former government hacker and ex-reality TV star, the latter a psychedelic therapist who thinks she’s better than you. The less said about these two women, the better.

Eight people escape zombie-infested New York. They have only one thing in common: the addict gene. The same genetic quirk that makes alcoholics and addicts susceptible to booze and drugs gives them a mysterious ability to evade the undead. But that's not enough to unite them. They're an unlikely crew: A Botoxed Upper East Sider; a drug dealer; a resentful daughter of addicts; a recovering AA guy; a Japanese ex-dope fiend; an addicted Ivy Leaguer; and a Mexican immigrant.

His Holiness, the Supreme Spiritual Leader of the Galactic Guild, Glup III, an aging podil, is about to be dethroned and podil-napped all in the same day. The MISFITS decide today is a good day to thwart the evil Cardinal Nog’nik’s plans to take over the Galactic Guild and become a living god. The Galactic Guild dispatches their top agents, George Shooters and Sali Terri to restore Glup III to his righteous position and discover how a pair of bumbling pilgrims have obtained the technology necessary to teleport Glup III from the clutches of a deranged despot.