Teen Humor

Grammy Winner for Best Spoken Comedy Album
Performed by George Carlin himself, and filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny.

New! Don't miss our AudibleComedy combo, featuring original humor from standups Greg Proops and Steve Marmel.

Pretty, impecunious Sally Nicholas never dreamed a fortune could prove a disadvantage, until she became an heiress and watched in bewilderment as her orderly existence went haywire. Coping first with her brother's wild theatrical ambitions, then with the defection of her fiancé and his immediate replacement by a much more appropriate but strangely unattractive suitor, Sally finds that life in New York is becoming altogether too complicated, and a trip to England only makes the whole situation worse.

In the humdrum town of Moormouth, Walter Mortinson's unusual inventions cause nothing but trouble. After one of his contraptions throws the town into chaos, Walter's mother demands he cut the nonsense and join the family mortuary business. Far off on Flaster Isle, famed inventor Horace Flasterborn plans to take Walter under his wing. When a letter arrives by unusual means offering Walter an apprenticeship, he and the moody one-eyed girl next door run away and journey through a strange landscape of fish-people, giantess miners, and hypnotized honeybees.

Looking for a way out of the rat race? Tired of your ho-hum, workaday life? Have an inexplicable love of turning human beings into inanimate objects? Then professional supervillainy might just be for you! With tips from the renowned founder and overlord of the International Society of Supervillains, The Supervillain Handbook is your one-stop-shop for everything evil. Gain invaluable insight on the art of revenge, choosing your evil name, where to find the perfect lair, and much more!

To become a Dark Lord is no easy thing. The simple ambition to hold dominion over the world and bend all to your will sounds straightforward, but it's not. There are armies to raise, fortresses to build, heroes to defeat, and battles to be fought. After many spectacular failures, Evil decided to lend more than inspiration to these would-be tyrants. He wrote an easy-to-follow Dark Lord's Handbook. And yet the next Dark Lord that came along screwed up like all the others.

Y’know…understanding the reason for your existence, learning the ultimate truth of the world, and attaining godhood would give most people a lot to think about. But me? I’ve got better things to do, like making mini-spider clones!

For Jason, entering the seventh grade is like walking into a dangerous new world. Now that he’s in junior high school, he’s a small fish in a big pond stocked full of ninth-graders. It’s so scary that he won’t even go to the bathroom if there’s a ninth-grader in there - no matter how badly he has to go! But it isn’t all bad. He’s working on a model space station in shop class, and he’s beginning to notice things he never paid attention to before, like body hair - and girls. Especially one girl: The beautiful, hair-flicking cheerleader Debbie Breen.

When Ren Sharpe was 14, she was kidnapped by a shadowy organization called FATE and trained to be a human weapon. Now, four years later, she receives her assignment: protect Gareth Young at all costs. Currently a student at Texas A&M, Gareth will someday change the world. FATE calls people like Gareth "FIPs" - future important people - and they're everywhere, each with a FATE-trained shadow.

Priya worked hard to pursue her premed dreams at Stanford, but a diagnosis of chronic Lyme disease during her sophomore year sends her back to her loving but overbearing family in New Jersey. Thankfully she has her online pen pal, Brigid, and the rest of the members of “oof ouch my bones”, a virtual support group for chronic illnesses. When Brigid suddenly goes offline, Priya does something out of character: she steals the family car and drives to Pennsylvania to check on Brigid. Priya isn’t sure what to expect, but it isn’t the horrifying creature that's shut in the basement.

It was supposed to be a simple caviar heist. Dortmunder is almost in the building when the alarm sounds, forcing him up the fire escape and onto the roof. He leaps onto the next building, smashing his ankle and landing in the den of the worst kind of creature he can imagine: nuns.

More teetering tales and quirky characters from the 30th floor of towering Wayside School. The craziness continues.

Oscar and his dog have made a pretty good life for themselves, despite the fact that Oscar’s family has all but vanished - his father is dead; his mother has a new boyfriend. His older sister, Rachel, fled five years ago...right after Mr. Cigar bit off her hand. Despite the freak accident, Oscar knows his dog is no menace. Mr. Cigar is a loyal protector: a supernatural creature that can exact revenge, communicate telepathically, and manipulate car doors and windows with ease.

I did it! I'm finally an Arachne!...Aaand things already aren't going the way I thought they would. I'm inexplicably on a road trip with the Demon Lord, a reincarnated baby, and her troubled vampire guardian. I don't really interact with them much, besides subjecting my reborn classmate to insane training, watching the party sneak off into villages, hearing about the delicious food they eat...Wait, hold up. Doesn't it seem like I'm the only one who's being left out?!? W-w-well, the monsters up here taste delicious, so whatever!

Take one bored princess. Make her the seventh daughter in a very proper royal family. Have her run away. Add one powerful, fascinating, dangerous dragon. Princess Cimerone has never met anyone (or anything) like the dragon Kazul. But then, she's never met a witch, a jinn, a death-dealing talking bird or a stone prince either. Princess Cimerone ran away to find some excitement. She's found plenty.

Where did Roald Dahl get all of his wonderful ideas for stories? From his own life, of course! As full of excitement and the unexpected as his world-famous, best-selling books, Roald Dahl's tales of his own childhood are completely fascinating and fiendishly funny. Did you know that Roald Dahl nearly lost his nose in a car accident? Or that he was once a chocolate candy tester for Cadbury's? Have you heard about his involvement in the Great Mouse Plot of 1924? If not, you don’t yet know all there is to know about Roald Dahl.

Yet another brilliant entry in Kenemore’s zombie canon - Cap’n Hook meets the undead. Set in the Caribbean of the eighteenth century, the epicenter of piracy, voodoo, and the dark arts, The Code of the Zombie Pirate reveals all the secrets to selecting, customizing, and managing a motley crew of pirates-cum-zombies.

After my battle to the death with Mother, now my days are filled with preparing the next boss-the Demon Lord! But now I have a problem... I've said it before, but I'm TOO STRONG. Now I'm attracting all kinds of unwanted attention! Now I'll have to interact humans whether I want to or not...

Graham Malone is my roommate, my personal eye candy, the reason I get up in the morning smiling. (That could be from the illicit dreams I have about him, too, I suppose. Let's move on.) He's also beautiful to look at, but his heart is where his true beauty lies. Take away the exterior, and the interior still shines. I love him. I mean, I'm pretty sure I do, having never been in love before.

Takasu Ryuuji might look like a thug, but he's actually a nice guy. Making friends when you've got an unintentionally scary face is tough--and don't even get him started on girlfriends. But with his secret crush in his class, the start of his second year of high school is off to a good start...until he crosses paths with Aisaka Taiga. Beautiful, frightening, and not quite five feet tall, the girl known as the palmtop tiger is the one person in school even scarier than Ryuuji himself--and he's just made the mistake of making her very, very angry.

Seven superb stories, from the world's no. one storyteller. Meet the boy who can talk to animals and the man who can see with his eyes closed. And find out about the treasure buried deep underground. A cleaver mix of fact and fiction, this collection also includes how master storyteller Roald Dahl became a writer. With Roald Dahl, you can never be sure where reality ends and fantasy begins.