Teen Humor

Listeners get a chance to participate in James Patterson's wildly successful Middle School series in this interactive book featuring more than 80 hilarious anecdotes from dueling siblings Rafe and Georgia Khatchadorian - plus dozens of fun-filled activities!

Finding himself alone in a posh New York City hotel room for the night, Aidan does what any red-blooded 17-year-old would do - tries to hook up with someone new. But that lapse in judgement leads him to a room with a dead guy and a mysterious flash drive...two things that spark an epic case of mistaken identity that puts Aidan on the run - from the authorities, his friends, his family, the people who are out to kill him - and especially from his own troubled past.

It's 1991, and John "Spud" Milton's journey to manhood is still creeping along at a snail's pace. Nearly 15, Spud's starting his second year at boarding school and - to his utter mortification - he's still a spud! To make things worse, his dorm mates, the legendary Crazy Eight, have an unusual new member (Roger the cat), and his house is home to a new batch of unruly first-years. Spud is soon plagued with women trouble, coerced into expulsion-worthy adventures, and frustrated to find his dreams of fame in tatters after a disastrous production of Noah's Ark.

Rufus and his sister Alexa hate each other at the best of times. When Rufus's friend Phil manages to hypnotize Alexa, Rufus is ready to enjoy the power. They begin by ordering Alexa to be kind to her parents and Phil. The plan backfires when Alexa sweetly suggests canceling an expensive family vacation in favor of a week at home playing board games. Then Alexa turns on the charm with Phil and suddenly Rufus has to deal with a lovesick amateur hypnotist. Rufus is certain it can't get any stranger until Alexa, still in her hypnotic state, is kind to the brother she's always hated.

Esme Pearl's life used to be all about bumming rides and babysitting. Sure, it wasn't glamorous, but it was predictable. All that changed when Cassandra Heaven came to town, and they discovered their complicated, and connected, legacy: Esme and Cassandra are Sitters, supernaturally gifted teens armed with an ever-changing grimoire of Sitter witchcraft to help them protect the innocent and keep evil demons at bay. You know, the typical teenage stuff.

When Ethan gets Alek to cut school and go to a Rufus Wainwright concert in New York City’s Central Park, Alek embarks on his first adventure outside the confines of his suburban New Jersey existence. He can’t believe a guy this cool wants to be his friend. And before long, it seems like Ethan wants to be more than friends. Alek has never thought about having a boyfriend - he's barely ever had a girlfriend - but maybe it’s time to think again.

Genie Lo thought she was busy last year, juggling her academic career with protecting the Bay Area from demons. But now, as the Heaven-appointed Guardian of California, she’s responsible for the well-being of all yaoguai and spirits on Earth. Even the ones who interrupt her long-weekend visit to a prestigious college, bearing terrible news about a cosmos-threatening force of destruction in a nearby alternate dimension.

James Patterson's hilarious story of perseverance and courage shows everyone's favorite troublemaker, Rafe Khatchadorian, the star of the Middle School series, learning to become a leader at long last. After a rough summer, Rafe is heading back to the dreaded Hills Village Middle School, the site of the very worst years of his life. And as if that's not bad enough, he's learned that he's going to be held back a year unless he can prove himself on an outdoor survival excursion.

Mystery-book aficionado Birdie Lindberg has an overactive imagination. Raised in isolation and homeschooled by strict grandparents, she's cultivated a whimsical fantasy life in which she plays the heroic detective and every stranger is a suspect. But her solitary world expands when she takes a job the summer before college, working the graveyard shift at a historic Seattle hotel. In her new job, Birdie hopes to blossom from introverted dreamer to brave pioneer, and gregarious Daniel Aoki volunteers to be her guide.

From personalities and entertainers Kian Lawley and Jc Caylen comes a completely wild and entirely true account of their rise to Internet fame: Kian and Jc: Don't Try This at Home! More than seven million YouTube subscribers, five million Twitter followers, and five million Instagram followers cannot wait for this sometimes hilarious, sometimes awkward, and always crazy collection of stories and interviews narrated by Kian and Jc themselves.

Yet another brilliant entry in Kenemore’s zombie canon - Cap’n Hook meets the undead. Set in the Caribbean of the eighteenth century, the epicenter of piracy, voodoo, and the dark arts, The Code of the Zombie Pirate reveals all the secrets to selecting, customizing, and managing a motley crew of pirates-cum-zombies.

Harry Houdini. Penn and Teller. David Copperfield. Marcus Millian the Third. Okay, so Marcus isn't a famous magician. He may not even be a great magician. But his great-grandfather, the once-legendary and long-retired Zachary the Stupendous, insists Marcus has true talent. And when Grandpa Zachary boasts that he and Marcus are working on an illusion that will shock, stun, and astonish, Marcus wishes he could make himself disappear.

Rupert P. Brown’s biggest worry about sixth grade is it might be, well, a little bit dull. After all, how can a fellow be expected to top a fifth grade year in which his best friend was kidnapped, and he found out his best teacher ever was a real, honest-to-goodness witch? But when Rupert types the word "computowitch" in an e-mail message, his screen goes all green, and then his parakeet starts giving him math lessons. He knows it can only mean one thing: Miss Switch is back!

Everyone at the large agricultural college dubbed Moo U. has an agenda. Whether it's massaging data, running secret experiments, or seducing the powerful, each person is dedicated to a plan. Meet Dr. Lionel Gift, who feels that his economic principles come directly from God. Visit with "Earl Butz", who is being groomed to be the biggest hog in history. Mull over The Common Wisdom, what every secretary knows. As these agendas begin to collide, Moo trots toward a deliciously loony climax.

Matt Gratton and his two best friends, Sean and Coop, always set themselves a summer-time goal. This year’s? To see a real-live naked girl for the first time. As far as Matt is concerned, they’d have better luck finding the lost city of Atlantis. But seeing a girl in the buff starts to seem like child’s play compared to the other summertime goal Matt sets for himself: to swim the 100-yard butterfly (the hardest stroke known to God or man) in order to impress Kelly West, the hot new girl. So what if he can’t manage a single lap, let alone four?

From professional athletes like Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan to philosophers like Confucius, inspirational business books love to suggest that listeners can succeed in business and in life by adopting the traits of their famous subjects. In Z.E.O. by Scott Kenemore, frustrated employees will finally find inspiration in a source they can already relate to: zombies!

At 14, Robert "Hutch" Hutchinson is out of luck. His charm and singing voice can't keep him out of trouble anymore. When he's arrested (again): he's given a choice: die in juvie or become a shadow: the fearless, unstoppable, and top-secret guardian of a Future Important Person, or FIP. With nothing to lose, Hutch accepts. After two grueling years at the Future Affairs Training and Education (FATE) Center, he expects to be plunged into a battle zone. Instead he learns that his FIP is someone named Ryo Enomoto, front-man of world-famous boy band International. He must join the band and change his name to Bobby Sky.

Rod's life doesn't suck. If you ask him, it's pretty awesome. He may not be popular, but he and his best friends play in a band that has a standing gig. Yeah, it's Monday night and they don't get paid, but they can crank the volume as loud as they want. And Rod's girlfriend is hot, smart, and believes in their band - believes in Rod. Aside from a winning lottery ticket, what more could he ask for? Answer: A different cousin. When Rod's scheming, two-faced cousin Blake moves in for the semester, Rod tries to keep calm. Blake seems to have everyone else fooled....

The Winchester School of the Arts is where dropouts from good prep schools get their last chance. Yet graffiti artist Fun might not even graduate. Enter Carli, an undercover actress researching her latest role. Fun must serve as Carli's assistant to earn his diploma. One problem. Popular senior Darcy has vanished, and as Fun and Carli investigate, they head straight into a trap.

Paraffin, Vermont, is home to the Grosholtz Candle Factory. There, 17-year-old Poppy finds something dark and unsettling: a room filled with dozens of startlingly lifelike wax sculptures. Later, she's shocked when one of the figures - a teenage boy who doesn't seem to know what he is - jumps naked and screaming out of the trunk of her car. Poppy wants to return him to the factory, but before she can, a fire destroys the mysterious workshop.