Bite Me
A Love Story
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Narrated by:
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Susan Bennett
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Written by:
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Christopher Moore
About this listen
"The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup.
"‘Cept there’s no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue. Abby wants to be a blood sucking fiend, too, but right now she’s really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there’s that vampire cat Chet, who’s getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non."
Before you can say “OMG! WTF?” Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby’s gay Goth friend Jared, and SF’s finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that’s when the fun really begins.
©2010 Christopher Moore (P)2010 HarperCollins PublishersYou may also enjoy...
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Bloodsucking Fiends
- A Love Story
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- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A striking red-head, 20-something Jody is attacked and transformed into a vampire while walking home one night in downtown San Francisco. Befriending 19-year-old Tommy, Jody tries to understand her new undead life, but trouble finds her when the cops start suspecting Tommy of being a local bloodsucking serial killer.
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Gets better in the second half
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A Dirty Job
- Written by: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Fisher Stevens
- Length: 11 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
People start dropping dead around Charlie, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death.
-
-
unfortunate
- By Sierra on 2018-11-22
Written by: Christopher Moore
-
Practical Demonkeeping
- Written by: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets.
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Written by: Christopher Moore
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Island of the Sequined Love Nun
- Written by: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Take a wonderfully crazed excursion into the demented heart of a tropical paradise - a world of cargo cults, cannibals, mad scientists, ninjas, and talking fruit bats. Our bumbling hero is Tucker Case, a hopeless geek trapped in a cool guy's body, who makes a living as a pilot for the Mary Jean Cosmetics Corporation.
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funny
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Written by: Christopher Moore
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Fluke
- Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings
- Written by: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Bill Irwin
- Length: 9 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Just why do humpback whales sing? That's the question that has marine behavioral biologist Nate Quinn and his crew poking, charting, recording, and photographing very big, wet, gray marine mammals - until the extraordinary day when a whale lifts its tail into the air to display a cryptic message spelled out in foot-high letters: Bite Me.
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Written by: Christopher Moore
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Noir
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- Written by: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
It's not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It's love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an air force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. 'Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he's got the connections on the street.
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Great story, ok voice acting
- By Adam Watkins on 2018-06-07
Written by: Christopher Moore
What the critics say
What listeners say about Bite Me
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
- Bookchick
- 2021-08-30
Danger: use caution while listening
This book (all three books, in fact) is so funny and performed to such hilarious perfection that you laugh really, really hard and could get into an accident while driving, or drop a weight on some unfortunate part of your anatomy at the gym. The up side is laughing hysterically for no apparent reason while on public transit will usually clear some physical distance around you pretty quickly, and probably get you an empty seat in the wake of the “get away from the crazy person” exodus.
You may also experience side effects like tears streaming down your face, the need to stop dead while walking to bend over with laughter, the sudden onset of starting each sentence which sounds like a question? with “Kayso” and referring to significant others as “love monkey”.
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Overall
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- Amazon Customer
- 2023-01-16
Good story, voicing can be annoying
The narrator's voice characterization of the main girl in the story, while probably accurate to character, was annoying to listen to and made it difficult to finish. Another good story by Moore, and if you can get past Abby's "voice", this is fun.
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