Don't Lick the Minivan cover art

Don't Lick the Minivan

And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

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Don't Lick the Minivan

Written by: Leanne Shirtliffe
Narrated by: Trudie Kessler
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About this listen

As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.

In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:

  • The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied
  • The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan's paint with rocks
  • The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie"
  • The horror of glitter
  • And much more!

A delayed encounter with postpartum depression helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can't teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins' college - eh, therapy - fund. And possibly her own. Crisply written, Don't Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Shirtliffe's memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.

©2013 Leanne Shirtliffe (P)2013 Audible, Inc.
Children's Health Comedy & Humor Entertainment & Celebrities Literature & Fiction Mental Health Motherhood Physical Illness & Disease Psychology Relationships United States World Literature Celebrity Witty Funny
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What the critics say

"Leanne Shirtliffe writes with hilarity and poignancy as to the trials and pains (literally) of motherhood. She is our new Erma Bombeck!" (Elizabeth Boyle, New York Times best-selling author)

What listeners say about Don't Lick the Minivan

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laugh out loud funny

loved it, when parenting feels like he'll this is the soothing balm I need to hear!

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Perfect to confirm my kids are normal!!

I have Boy/Girl twins as well. I could have replaced my kids names instead of Will and Viv. Fun story to listen too.

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Some parts relatable, some parts not. Thought would be funny but is not

I found some parts relatable but not as funny as I thought it would be. Lots of self or partner or children deprecating humor. At least it was a fast read.

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