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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

Written by: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
Narrated by: Laural Merlington
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Publisher's Summary

Men are right.

Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied the all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart.

The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require "trying to turn a man into a woman". Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your Library section along with the audio.

©2007 Patricia Love and Steven Stosny (P)2011 Tantor
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What the critics say

"Inspirational... a practical guide for men and women to overcome their challenges and come together outside and inside the bedroom." (John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)

What listeners say about How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

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Makes sense of things which is the foundation for Real useful action

I'm not sure this review will do the book justice. These two just hit every nail on the head and in such real, genuine, authentic, down-to-earth language. I had several a-ha moments. I'm hoping my partner does too when he reads Steven's chapter lol.I have now listened to it twice and will likely have to hear it again and again until the information and suggestions become intuitive for me, but I don't mind doing that if it will help me create a more peaceful and happy relationship. When I am struggling, when WE are struggling, I listen to a few key chapters to stop my head from swirling and it works... It speaks to me the words he cannot muster that I am needing to hear and explains the dynamic and gives me the clarity and tools to help the situation and get more quickly back on track. Exactly what couples with a severe communication block arising when things are difficult need, to move forward.

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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Dated message

I found the message to be out of date in terms of how most women today regard themselves. Patronizing- it hit me as quite patronizing towards women.

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good

Worth a read, I found some real insights and techniques that I will use today.

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interesting book, but dragged out

It has good advice, but I think it's mostly addressed to women. I loved it in the beginning, but I the second half feels dragged out. I didn't understand some of the tests (the wimp test?? what was that about? and what is "a real man" anyway?)
I also would have liked the man parts to be read by a man. I'm sure it would have made men relate better.

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1 person found this helpful

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Constructive Relationship Insights

You may recognize yourself in several of the many marriage relationship narratives in this book!

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Marriage SOS

I am so glad to have come across this title here on Audible at such a crucial time in my marriage. After 25 years "stuff" has built up, some of it for far too long. I was hooked when I listened to the sample, this line in particular "Women like to talk about the relationship because it makes them feel better. Men do not like to talk about it because it does NOT make them feel better." This pretty much summed up the standoff we have been facing so I thought I would give this book a try. I am not expecting miracles from any book, and I recognize how much work goes into saving or repairing any relationship that has been hurt or damaged, but this has definitely opened my eyes. I feel much more aware of our interactions, my reactions, what sets us off, and where we are going wrong in our approaches. It is difficult to accept or empathize when feeling anger and resentment, but listening to this has helped me immensely in reevaluating my approach to the problems. I intend to listen again and really take to heart some of the messages that are most relevant to me. I definitely recommend this, even if it does not speak to you in its entirety, surely you will gain something from it. I suppose most won't be reading this until things are already very rocky, but I think many of us would have gotten much benefit from reading it 10 years earlier. Good luck to all of you in this same position. #Audible1

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great insights

This was a great recommendation from my friend about working on a relationship and marriage without talking about it. After the first listen it is already changing my perspective

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So eye opening

Amazing book, easy to follow, very relatable. I had no idea alot of women felt like me...I thought it was just my personal struggles. Hearing that most woman are actually wired this way made me feel hopeful and made me listen closely to what they said about how men felt. I will be making huge changes because of this book, I wish I had known a long time ago how much shame men feel when they can't make their women happy and what a big role women play on men's mental and physical health.

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Must read before getting married!

I wish I knew about this book before entering into marriage. I wish I could take back all the hurtful words I said to my husband. I knew I could’ve done better. Thank you for writing this book!

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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Good but repetitive

Overall helpful information regarding how men think vs. women. Helped me understand how men feel when women want to talk about the troubles in a marriage,

A bit one-sided for the men's point of view. Repeated the same info over and over.

Overall, it was a good book, and I'd probably recommend it if you were struggling with stonewalling and communicating in your marriage.

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