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  • How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

  • Written by: Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
  • Narrated by: Susan Bennett
  • Length: 8 hrs and 24 mins
  • 4.6 out of 5 stars (193 ratings)

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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk cover art

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Written by: Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
Narrated by: Susan Bennett
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Publisher's Summary

“This parenting book actually made me a better parent.” (Lydia Kiesling, The New York Times) 

From number-one New York Times best-selling authors, the ultimate “parenting bible” (The Boston Globe) - a timeless, beloved book on how to effectively communicate with your child.

This best-selling classic by internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children includes fresh insights and suggestions, as well as the author’s time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships, including innovative ways to: 

  • Cope with your child’s negative feelings, such as frustration, anger, and disappointment 
  • Express your strong feelings without being hurtful 
  • Engage your child’s willing cooperation 
  • Set firm limits and maintain goodwill 
  • Use alternatives to punishment that promote self-discipline 
  • Understand the difference between helpful and unhelpful praise 
  • Resolve family conflicts peacefully  

Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, Faber and Mazlish’s down-to-earth, respectful approach makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding. 

©2012 Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish (P)2012 Simon & Schuster

What the critics say

"Will bring about more cooperation from children than all the yelling and pleading in the world." (Christian Science Monitor)

"An excellent book that’s applicable to any relationship." (Washington Post)

"Practical, sensible, lucid... the approaches Faber and Mazlish lay out are so logical you wonder why you read them with such a burst of discovery." (Family Journal)

What listeners say about How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

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Maybe back in the 70's

This book may have been a sensation back in the 70's but by today's standards it's just OK. The entire book is based on work by Dr. Haim Ginott (which as far as I can see, was completely ripped off by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish after attending his workshops) and can be summarized as follows:

* Never deny or ignore a child's feelings
* Only behavior is treated as unacceptable, not the child
* Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room."
* Attach rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are not for hitting."
* Dependence breeds hostility, let children do for themselves what they can
* Children need to learn to choose, but within the safety of limits.
* Limit criticism to a specific event—don't say "never", "always", as in: "You never listen," "You always manage to spill things"
* Refrain from using words that you would not want the child to repeat
* Ignore irrelevant behavior

The above advice by Dr. Ginott is sound, but in this book they do not explain the reasons why this works, they simply tell you what to do and spend the entire book selling their approach with anecdotal stories that border on the ridiculous...

Example:
Wrong way
Dad "Johnny, clean your room!!!, it's a mess you are a filthy animal, you'll never learn, you'll always be a failure, I should give you a good smack" (I'm not kidding, the "wrong way" examples are this much over the top
Kid "I hate you!"

Right way
Dad "I see a messy room"
Kid "I'll clean it up right away daddy... I love you so much... I will also do my homework and call grandma before saying my prayers and going to be an hour early" (again, not kidding, as soon as you apply the "right way" kids suddenly transform into magical unicorns

To top it all, this particular version of the book is about half full with the old 70's book and the last 6 chapters are just letters from parents telling these authors how amazing they are and how they saved the world (it felt like a giant ego stroke)... I feel everybody would be far better served by just reading Dr. Ginott's original work "Between Parent and Child (1965, Macmillan)"

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65 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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A Must Have Reference Book

As a child I remember that this book was one of the reference book which my mom used to study it in University for her psychology ckass.

I rember that I really liked it because of the drawings and illustrations which made it very easy for me to understand such facts as child.
30 years passed and I became a mom myself. During all these years I have tried to find this book again and asked my mom thousands of times, but she could not remember the title. To make the story short I picked this book in #Audible1 and finished it.

As a habbit I buy a hard copy of the books that I listened to and enjoyed for future reference. I did purchase this book though in order to translate it ti farsi, when I have got to the second chapter of the book- for translation purpose-I immedietly recalled the comic like drawings!!!I went through the book like crazy so happy that I finally found this book after all these years.
I have searched the title in Farsi and found thd version that I have seen jn my childhood. Yup no need to translate, it was re published more than 100 times already!!!

Anyhow...this is a must read book for every parents whi want to raise confident yet emotionally intelligent children. I just don't know why my mom did nit follow the instruction for her real life outsude if the university?? lol. I have all versions of this book , Paper, pdf, Audio....so it is in my immediate access when I need it.

To my experience it will be much beneficial to start with the paper book at first hand , because there are some assigments after each chapter which will be so so beneficial if you take your time and do it/ write it.

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2 people found this helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
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Ok content, narration could be better

I am not a fan of the narration, I kept finding myself tuning out due to the monotone robotic-like voice.

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1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Best parenting book 2023

I’m a clinical therapists and a mother of two.
I read this book back in school before the kids were around. Having just re-read it now, I am floored how great these techniques are and appreciate the step by step examples. Well done and completely relevant today!!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Best read in many years. Narrative performance is realistic!

One of the best reads in many years. If changes lives. Hard to put down. Rushed to go through the first read and then want to listen again and take notes.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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excellent

loved it. lot of good examples. it makes easy to understand. not boring at all.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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Loved it!!

Great book with so many good ideas that I’ll have to listen to it again. Wish I had read this when I was raising my kids - but will definitely be using these skills for my grandkids!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • KSD
  • 2023-02-02

This book has changed my view on how I talk to my children

I cried multiple times during this book, recalling how adults spoke to me as a child. I have a lot of work to do, moving forward, I want to change the way I talk to my kids.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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One of the best parenting book out there!

The fact that it was published many decades ago and is still extremely popular is a testament to its timelessness and multicultural core values.

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Voice is condescending

Performance was distracting and considering the title of the book “speak so kids will listen”… the narrator and the storyline came off as quite condescending. Hard to finish

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