Yikes This Hasn’t Aged Well

Buy this if you want a play by play on how to coddle a man-child who treats you poorly. As someone who has struggled to see subtly toxic or manipulative behaviours in past relationships, this book was great. The break down of what they’re doing is so eye opening which is why I couldn’t rate it lower. The information piece of the book is great, albeit dated. A lot of these behaviours could be seen as narcissistic or avoidant in more modern literature so I like that this is specifically carved out as passive-aggression which is exactly what it is- regardless of personality traits or attachment styles. It explains the behaviour. 10/10 for that. But! BUT! The part where the book loses me is how women are subsequently coached on “How to Keep Ya Man” TM. Like I’m sorry I don’t care if he cheats because he’s insecure and has mommy issues (this is thoroughly explained by the author). The book goes to great lengths to validate that the man is, in fact, showing contempt and aggression towards his partner, feels owed special treatment while feeling like a victim, but then there’s just like zero accountability on the part of the men displaying the crappy behavior. We, as the woman, are expected to lower our standards (the author also directly says this) and learn special phrases, code words and eggshell-walking-strategies so we can accept the bare minimum. The relationship salvaging advice had me rolling my eyes. The author pays some lip service to the men needing to show up and want to work on the relationship but after 75% of the book explaining how these men have commitment issues it’s like it doesn’t see the glaring issue with its own advice. These men, by default, refuse to see their own shortcomings and blame everyone else. They see themselves as victims and therefore treat those around them poorly. So like at what point does a switch go off in thier mind and they go “you know what honey you’re right, I want this marriage and will go to therapy”. They’re just not that guy.

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