Noir
A Novel
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Noir
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Narrated by:
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Johnny Heller
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Written by:
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Christopher Moore
About this listen
The absurdly outrageous, sarcastically satiric, and always entertaining New York Times best-selling author Christopher Moore returns in finest madcap form with this zany noir set on the mean streets of post-World War II San Francisco, and featuring a diverse cast of characters, including a hapless bartender; his Chinese sidekick; a doll with sharp angles and dangerous curves; a tight-lipped air force general; a wisecracking waif; Petey, a black mamba; and many more.
San Francisco. Summer, 1947. A dame walks into a saloon....
It's not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It's love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an air force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. 'Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he's got the connections on the street.
Meanwhile, a suspicious flying object has been spotted up the Pacific coast in Washington State near Mount Rainer, followed by a mysterious plane crash in a distant patch of desert in New Mexico that goes by the name Roswell. But the real weirdness is happening on the streets of the City by the Bay.
When one of Sammy's schemes goes south and the Cheese mysteriously vanishes, Sammy is forced to contend with his own dark secrets - and more than a few strange goings-on - if he wants to find his girl.
Think Raymond Chandler meets Damon Runyon with more than a dash of Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tunes All Stars. It's all very, very Noir. It's all very, very Christopher Moore.
©2018 Christopher Moore (P)2018 HarperCollins PublishersYou may also enjoy...
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San Francisco, 1947. Bartender Sammy “Two Toes” Tiffin and the rest of the Cookie’s Coffee Irregulars—a ragtag bunch of working mugs last seen in Noir—are on the hustle: they’re trying to open a driving school; shanghai an abusive Swedish stevedore; get Mable, the local madam, and her girls to a Christmas party at the State Hospital without alerting the overzealous head of the S.F.P.D. vice squad.
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Pocket has been Lear's cherished fool for years. So naturally Pocket is at his brainless, elderly liege's side when Lear demands that his kids swear to him their undying love and devotion. Of course Goneril and Regan are only too happy to brownnose Dad. But Cordelia believes that her father's request is kind of...well...stupid, and her blunt honesty ends up costing her her rightful share of the kingdom and earns her a banishment to boot.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
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In July 1890, Vincent van Gogh went into a cornfield and shot himself. Or did he? Why would an artist at the height of his creative powers attempt to take his life... and then walk a mile to a doctor's house for help? Who was the crooked little "color man" Vincent had claimed was stalking him across France? And why had the painter recently become deathly afraid of a certain shade of blue? These are just a few of the questions confronting Vincent's friends who vow to discover the truth of van Gogh's untimely death.
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 25
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Take a wonderfully crazed excursion into the demented heart of a tropical paradise - a world of cargo cults, cannibals, mad scientists, ninjas, and talking fruit bats. Our bumbling hero is Tucker Case, a hopeless geek trapped in a cool guy's body, who makes a living as a pilot for the Mary Jean Cosmetics Corporation.
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5 out of 5 stars
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funny
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 23
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 22
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Meet Laszlo, eight-hundred-year-old demon and Hell’s least productive Curse Keeper. From his office beneath Midtown, he oversees the Drakeford Curse, which involves a pathetic family upstate and a mysterious black monolith. It’s a sexy enough assignment—colonial origins, mutating victims, et cetera—but Laszlo has no interest in maximizing the curse’s potential; he’d rather sunbathe in Ibiza, quaff martinis, and hustle the hustlers on Manhattan’s subway.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Complicated anti-heroes you hate to love!
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Razzmatazz
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- Written by: Christopher Moore
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- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 46
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 45
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Story5 out of 5 stars 44
San Francisco, 1947. Bartender Sammy “Two Toes” Tiffin and the rest of the Cookie’s Coffee Irregulars—a ragtag bunch of working mugs last seen in Noir—are on the hustle: they’re trying to open a driving school; shanghai an abusive Swedish stevedore; get Mable, the local madam, and her girls to a Christmas party at the State Hospital without alerting the overzealous head of the S.F.P.D. vice squad.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Delicious sequel, did not want it to end!
- By KT42 on 2023-11-06
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Fool
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- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 47
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 44
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 44
Pocket has been Lear's cherished fool for years. So naturally Pocket is at his brainless, elderly liege's side when Lear demands that his kids swear to him their undying love and devotion. Of course Goneril and Regan are only too happy to brownnose Dad. But Cordelia believes that her father's request is kind of...well...stupid, and her blunt honesty ends up costing her her rightful share of the kingdom and earns her a banishment to boot.
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Performance
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Practical Demonkeeping
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 29
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 23
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 23
In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Just brilliant
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Written by: Christopher Moore
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Sacre Bleu
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- Written by: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Euan Morton
- Length: 11 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 31
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 26
In July 1890, Vincent van Gogh went into a cornfield and shot himself. Or did he? Why would an artist at the height of his creative powers attempt to take his life... and then walk a mile to a doctor's house for help? Who was the crooked little "color man" Vincent had claimed was stalking him across France? And why had the painter recently become deathly afraid of a certain shade of blue? These are just a few of the questions confronting Vincent's friends who vow to discover the truth of van Gogh's untimely death.
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 26
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 25
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 23
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 22
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A barrow-wight shows up on Greta and Varney’s doorstep one night with 11-year-old Lucy Ashton who’s been newly—and forcefully—bitten and turned. Who did this to her, and why? With the help of her vampiric friends, Greta is determined to find out.
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 62
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A plucky farm boy will find more than he's bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there's the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy's untimely death...and also very fine cheese. Then there's a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, and the Dread Necromancer Steve....
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1 out of 5 stars
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Sad to say, the storytelling really got my goat!
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A Dirty Job
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 113
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 103
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 103
People start dropping dead around Charlie, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death.
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unfortunate
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 157
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 148
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 146
In a prosperous yet gruesomely violent near future, superhero vigilantes battle thugs whose heads are full of supervillain fantasies. The peace is kept by a team of smooth, well-dressed negotiators called The Men in Fancy Suits. Meanwhile a young girl is caught in the middle and thinks the whole thing is ridiculous. Zoey, a recent college graduate with a worthless degree, makes a reluctant trip into the city after hearing that her estranged con artist father died in a mysterious yet spectacular way.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Catsuit
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Piranesi
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- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 584
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 483
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 482
Piranesi lives in the House. Perhaps he always has. In his notebooks, day after day, he makes a clear and careful record of its wonders: the labyrinth of halls, the thousands upon thousands of statues, the tides that thunder up staircases, the clouds that move in slow procession through the upper halls. On Tuesdays and Fridays Piranesi sees his friend, the Other. At other times he brings tributes of food to the Dead. But mostly, he is alone.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Confused by my delight
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Bloodsucking Fiends
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- Written by: Christopher Moore
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- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 37
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 36
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Story5 out of 5 stars 36
A striking red-head, 20-something Jody is attacked and transformed into a vampire while walking home one night in downtown San Francisco. Befriending 19-year-old Tommy, Jody tries to understand her new undead life, but trouble finds her when the cops start suspecting Tommy of being a local bloodsucking serial killer.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Gets better in the second half
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Written by: Christopher Moore
What the critics say
"Narrator Johnny Heller nails the wry tones and rhythmic pacing of the working mugs, corrupt cops, streetwise urchins, and tough dames who people Christopher Moore's novel, which the author calls 'perky noir.'" (AudioFile)
What listeners say about Noir
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Joel Charlebois
- 2018-05-23
Christopher Moore!
it's Christopher Moore! of course it's Golden! the story had lots of humour and wit (oh, the wit!) all wrapped up in a tight plot that is ever intriguing and interesting! I highly recommend!
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Jimmy Swag
- 2019-10-25
Moore fun😊
As always, Moore is entertaining as f@#$. 😊
Voice delivery was spot on. Only reason I knock off a star is because I've read Lamb and Fool, which are both even better. 😂
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Adam Watkins
- 2018-06-07
Great story, ok voice acting
I was afraid to get another Moore book after reading the first 100 pages of The Serpent of Venice, which, imho, was very childish and relied too much on the use of 'fornication stick' to poorly add comedic effect. This is far from the case in Noir. Superbly written, great characters and humour, faster pacing than some of his other novels to great effect. The voice actor does an amazing 'wise guy' and 'indignant rich snob ' but utterly fails in doing an oriental, black or female persona. Most female characters sounded like higher pitched wise guys. But dont let this deter you from getting the audiobook. Although I was slightly confused when he was switching characters in the beginning, by act 2 I was able to recognise each character because his acting, however inept to do females and oriental characters, was at least consistent. 5/7 I would listen again.
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3 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dawn
- 2018-08-21
Perfect timepiece novel with the narration to match
This novel is well written with lots of funny parts and innuendos. It is for a mature audience since there is swearing and derogatory language due to the year it takes place.
I would say it’s a great book for men as my husband really enjoyed listening to it on our long drive.
Listening to books like this really makes the time pass quickly.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Katlin Curran
- 2022-08-08
a great twist on noir
I always enjoy Christopher Moore's work, and this one is no different. the only draw back was the performance felt just a touch flat with the exclamations/ energy. The accents, tone, and all else were well done however.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 2020-11-14
always entertaining.
I have read every book written by Christopher Moore and have never been disappointed. Fantastic book.
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 2020-08-04
Second time listening
Just a fantastic story and narration is superb. Just finished Razzmatazz which is the next adventure with these characters and I had to visit them again, where the story begins. If you loved Damon Runyon stories, this will be a treat.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Potato
- 2018-04-23
Chris this was stellar as usual
Very interesting as usual. Crazy things come out of no where. Had me grinning like a goof on the train to work
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Genevieve Paquette
- 2021-02-02
fun
Thanks to an Audible sale, I've finally read Noir.
I got a kick out of it. It was aggressively quirky, and usually I would hate that, but for some reason, I didn't really mind. It was genuinely funny in parts, and the characters are an actual delight. The plot is goofy but compelling. The ending is satisfying. There's a space man. And, even more unusually, the afterword is actually really interesting and informative.
100% worth the 7.50CAD.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- KT42
- 2023-10-25
A corkscrewball love story adventure - with style!
The first time I read “Noir”, I knew it’d hook me like a swordfish that jumped into the boat. The people are quirky but relatable, the pacing perfect, and the whole thing delicious as a swordfish steak with all the trimmings.
What I didn’t expect from the audiobook was for this charmingly chaotic concoction to nuzzle up to my brain after a not-too-tender nibble on the ear. The narrator is absolutely perfect and makes the characters stand up in your mental movie and dare you to not love them - or hate them, as appropriate.
And now, the icing on the cake - there’s a sequel!
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