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  • Not My Father's Son: A Memoir

  • Written by: Alan Cumming
  • Narrated by: Alan Cumming
  • Length: 6 hrs and 28 mins
  • 4.8 out of 5 stars (293 ratings)

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Not My Father's Son: A Memoir

Written by: Alan Cumming
Narrated by: Alan Cumming
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Publisher's Summary

Audie Award, Autobiography/Memoir, 2015

Dark, painful memories can be like a cage. Or, in the case of Alan Cumming, they can be packed away in a box, stuck in the attic to be forgotten. Until one day the box explodes and all the memories flood back in horrible detail. Alan Cumming grew up in the grip of a man who held his family hostage, someone who meted out violence with a frightening ease, who waged a silent war with himself that sometimes spilled over onto everyone around him. That man was Alex Cumming, Alan's father.

When television producers approached Alan to appear on a popular celebrity genealogy show in 2010, he enthusiastically agreed. He hoped to solve a mystery that had long cast a shadow over his family. His maternal grandfather, Tommy Darling, had disappeared into the Far East after WWII. Alan's mother knew very little about him - he had been a courier, carrying information between battalions on his motorbike. The last time she saw her father, Alan's mother was eight years old. When she was 13, the family was informed that he had died by his own hand, an accidental shooting.

But this was not the only mystery laid before Alan's feet. His father, whom Alan had not seen or spoken to for more than a decade, reconnected just before filming for Who Do You Think You Are? began. He had a secret he had to share, one that would shock his son to his very core and set into motion a journey that would change Alan's life forever.

With ribald humor, wit, and incredible insight, Alan seamlessly moves back and forth in time, integrating stories from his childhood in Scotland and his experiences today as the celebrated actor of film, television, and stage. At times suspenseful, at times deeply moving, but always incredibly brave and honest, Not My Father's Son is a powerful story of embracing the best aspects of the past and triumphantly pushing the darkness aside.

©2014 Alan Cumming (P)2014 HarperCollins Publishers

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What listeners say about Not My Father's Son: A Memoir

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the story about love, hatred and honesty

This is the book whicb I'd love my parents to read. It is unfortunate though, that the wouldn't consider it. Especially my dad. Certainly, I have avoided such unnerving encounters with my father as Alan did but still I had plenty moments where he managed to express his dissatisfaction with me. The book is filled with emotions and sincere revelations, it is all about the family. Everyone wants to be recognised by their parents no matter how old or successful he or she got. I appreciate the story and the message from the author. No matter in which relationships we are with our dad and family at all - deep inside we'd like it to be better, we'd like it to be mutual and loving. Despite all that happens to us, we retain the right to choose our attitude, perspective and value of that. Alan Cumming chose to forgive and take the best out of it. And I guess, that with "Not my father's son" the message for us is to stay strong, forgiving and go on. Many thanks to Alan for this piece.

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3 people found this helpful

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Inspirational

The perfect narrator: a trained actor, talking about his own life experiences, in a sharp Scottish accent. This was an emotional roller coaster! It was great but it propelled me back and forth from anguish to joy. Overall, a story of triumph over anger and fear. I loved it.

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3 people found this helpful

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  • 2021-11-06

Definitely worth the listen.

I loved how he clearly detailed several perspectives when explaining his thought processes through many incidents. And how empathetic he was toward others and their feelings to the "news". Loved his quirks, and the touchy moments were genuine and deep. Very well spoken.

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2 people found this helpful

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Loved this book!

Great easy listen! Alan’s sense of humour, love of his mother and clear story telling lets you imagine along with him. The scottish accent didnt hurt either.

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More enjoyable than I could have imagined

What a gripping, well-told life story. I’ve always enjoyed his acting, but, as is to be expected, we never really know what happens behind closed doors . I can relate to a great deal of his upbringing and with the DNA experience. I am so glad this was my first audible book....makes me want more.

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Loved this

I listened to this book, sometimes with horror, but always with interest and anticipation.

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Book purpose

We never know everything and continue to learn and experience as we go through life. Often our or other’s perceptions fuel us. This is a book that lets us understand that. Very happy for the author and narrator with the end results. Brings peace and understanding. The purpose of writing for this author is to teach others and support movements that are supportive. Honesty and acceptance in recovery goes a very long way.

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Great story.

Omg - raw true tale of growing up with an abusive father. It was well told!
Makes you grateful to have escaped such abuse!

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Child Abuse

I just finished listening to Alan Cummings, Not My Father's Son. I can't believe how his childhood was so much like mine.

Only mine also started to veer towards sexual molestation which my mother ignored and went on with her present in the room at times. Right to her deathbed she denied it ever happened. Both the physical and sexual touching and his constant exposures to me starting about age 14 and 15 years of age.

He abused my brother in a similar way, except my brother denies it ever happened, though I witnessed it personally, and he is angry at me for still talking about it now at age 65.

My brother's life has been very difficult, as has been mine, and I'm concerned for his mental well-being. He is 63 years old and in total denial about his childhood abuse and how it's affected his life.

My half-sister (60) refuses to discuss what went on in that house to this day. The closest she has come, was to admit she suffered too, once we were gone. She has never elaborated on what she experienced. She neither confirmed or denied any form of abuse.

My mother had my sister phone me on her deathbed to yell and scold me one more time before my sister dosed her early with morphine as my mother was dying with 4th stage liver cancer and died at age 64. She never drank or smoked.

My mother screamed at me over the phone, totally out of her mind, "1$ that's all you are getting, and I didn't deserve what you said to me." I responded by saying, "Oh, we are back to that again, then all I can say is goodbye." I hung up on her and she passed shortly after. My sister-in-law claimed my sister gave her the morphine too early. Her body was quickly cremated the next day, and my sister took all her workplace inheritance, pension and life insurance and never shared a cent with my brother or me. She thought I didn't know, but I did. My mother had worked a government job for over 30 years and she had several benefits still owed to her upon her early death.

Neither, my brother or I have had successful relationships or children. I decided at a young age that I was not fit to be a mother. I put all my efforts into my education and career.

I talk to my sister these days, as my niece who is not yet 25 has had bone-related cancer episodes starting at about age 9 and then it went into remission but returned with full vengeance when she was 19. She has required many very invasive surgeries and long-stays in hospitals, and she continues to require many medications and treatments . Sadly, we do not know what the future holds.

The many evils, perpetrated by both her parents, including the killing of my father on my 2nd birthday, (I have the newspaper clippings and have known about it my entire life), has been visited on one of their grandchildren.

Recently, a paternal cousin confirmed that when my stepfather was dying (I refused to visit him), they had spoken and said he should have been the one to die and not my father. My mother had instigated the surprise knife attack on my father as he delivered a birthday gift to me and another gift to my infant brother.

It's been a huge blow to me that my own mother would choose the date of my birth to carry out this murder. The courts let my stepfather off with involuntary manslaughter or self-defense. They were married 6 months after killing my father, and the courts forced him to adopt my brother and me by this murderer.

My mother attempted and almost succeeded with suicide the following year.

Both parents are gone now, as my stepfather died a year before my mother, but I wished they had lived long enough to see the karma they brought on their mutual child, my half-sister, and their grandchild.

I don't hold my sister responsible for her greed, as she was raised to believe that she deserved everything. Anytime she fell on her own or cried, I got the beatings, not her. Then, I was beaten, punched, and kicked, like an animal for crying. I was carried around by my head with my mouth clamped shut when I was less than 5 years old and even at an older age. This kind of child abuse would have had them both locked up and us removed from their custody today, but not in the 60s. There were no support systems in place for abused children. At 7, I had muddy rubber boots shoved in my mouth as I had stepped in puddles. I spit my two upper front teeth into the bathroom sink.

For their entire lifetime, they disrupted or terrorized me even with their actions and threats. I now realize that they were both seriously mentally ill and should have been in treatment and never had anything to do with children.

There was never any reconciliation for their methods on "raising us."

At least Alan Cunmings and his brother Tom confronted their abusive father as adults and put it behind them. I never got closure or sibling support from either. Yes, I have had years of therapy, but the fact that they were psychopaths never leaves or excuses their behaviour towards me or my brother.

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Absolutely honest and vulnerable

Wow, what a amazing account of an already colourful life
The brutal honesty and vulnerability in this book is endearing
As a fellow Scotsman, I always feel that we speak directly to people we do not mince our words
This is exactly how Alan Cummings writes the story and hearing it, as an audiobook added to the whole experience

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