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On Her Knees

Written by: Brenda Marie Davies
Narrated by: Brenda Marie Davies
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Publisher's Summary

"The problem was, because purity is an idol (a validated and worshiped idol), I didn’t know who or what I’d be without my totem. My Christianity depended on purity.”

Going to a conservative Christian church when she was young, Brenda Marie Davies heard a consistent message - save yourself for marriage - that instilled in her fear and shame about sex. But after moving to Los Angeles at 19 and finding herself suddenly exposed to a world far outside her comfort zone, she was forced to wrestle with the power and perversity of Christian purity culture.

On Her Knees chronicles Brenda’s spiritual journey over the course of a decade in LA through marriage, divorce, unlikely friendship, and sexual exploration. Through it all, she began tearing down the false idol of purity while refusing to abandon her faith. Told with raw honesty, sans obligatory shame, this is a story for anyone who wonders if it’s possible to love God without fearing sex, in all its shades of grey.

©2021 Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. (P)2021 Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.
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What listeners say about On Her Knees

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Beautifully written

This story was healing to listen to. I'm another survivor of purity culture and have been slowly rebuilding. Thank for your openness Brenda!

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Amazing

Loved it so much. Give it a chance. This may help in your Deconstruction of conservative Christianity/toxic theology journey!

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Heart Breaking Story

It's always hard for me to rate and review memoirs. Rating someone else's story or life experience always feels weird to me. But I'm gonna try my best. As someone who grew up in purity culture and had her own issues due to it I was super excited to read this. Brenda is a skilled writer and did a great job telling her story. And her story was honestly heart breaking. Hearing her story, in her words, with her voice was even more impactful. She did a great job at sharing her experience and the damage of purity culture in her life. That being said I'm not completely sure what the message of this book was meant to be. I felt like it ended really abruptly without fully wrapping things up. As someone who watches Brenda's Youtube channel, I know from what she's shared there that leaving purity culture behind in the end bettered her life. But that doesn't really come across in the book. If I'd read this when I was a teenager in the midst of purity culture I think I would have gone away from it feeling more afraid of having sex. Having sex while dealing with the guilt and shame of purity culture seemed to really hurt Brenda and even the people she was in relationships with in a lot of ways. There were times in the book where Brenda tells the reader how leaving and not following the teachings of purity culture was better for her but she didn't use her story to show us that and I think that's what made it fall a little flat for me. Because this was meant to be a memoir and not a self help book I would have liked to have seen her use her story to show us what can happen when you leave the toxicity of purity culture. But instead she showed us all the bad things that could happen and not really any of the good. Because of that it felt like there was no redemptive arc in the story and I felt like I walked away feeling sad for her and honestly kind of depressed. That being said, I do recommend it especially in audiobook format. If you are someone who never grew up in the Evangelical church or purity culture it's a great memoir for understanding why some people struggle with so much guilt and shame when it comes to sex.

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I wish I had this book as a teenager!

This book was amazing! As a young preteen in the thick of 90’s purity culture, this book helps SO MUCH in untangling and deconstructing the messiness of what I was taught. It strikes a perfect balance of what was wrong with purity culture and how to navigate secular ideas around sex. I also personally love how Brenda doesn’t walk away from God altogether, and instead interprets a more loving Father than what she was taught. Definitely recommend this to other young parents or other women who were brought up in the age of purity culture!

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Wonderfully written and needed book!

Loved every second of this book and was quite sad when I realized it was about to end.. Thanks Brenda for sharing your story! It’s similar to the story so many of us have but no one has written before. Looking forward to more from you!!

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loved it

i appreciated this book so much, i think so many of us raised in the church can really relate to the things brenda recounts.

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