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Strange Situation

A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment

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Strange Situation

Written by: Bethany Saltman
Narrated by: Bethany Saltman, Fred Sanders
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About this listen

A full-scale investigation of the controversial and often misunderstood science of attachment theory, inspired by the author's own experience as a parent and daughter.

"A profound and beautiful work...searingly honest, brazenly fresh, and startlingly rich." (Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon)

When professional researcher and writer Bethany Saltman gave birth to her daughter, Azalea, she loved her deeply but felt as if something was missing. Looking back at her lonely childhood, dangerous teenage years, and love-addicted early adulthood, Saltman thought maybe she was broken.

Then she discovered the science of attachment, the field of psychology that explores the question of why - from an evolutionary point of view - love exists between parents and children. Saltman went on a 10-year journey visiting labs, archives, and training sessions, while learning the meaning of "delight" from Mary Ainsworth, one of psychology’s most important but unsung researchers, who died in 1999.

Saltman went deep into the history and findings from Ainsworth's famous laboratory procedure, the Strange Situation, which, like an X-ray, is still used today by scientists around the world to catch a glimpse of the internal workings of attachment. In this simple 20-minute procedure, a baby and a caregiver enter an ordinary room with two chairs and some toys. During a series of comings and goings, a trained observer studies the minutiae of the pair's back-and-forth with each other.

Through the science of attachment, what Saltman discovered was a radical departure from everything she thought she knew - about love and about her own family, her story, and herself. She was far from broken - she saw that love is too powerful to ever break.

Strange Situation is a scientific, lyrical, life-affirming exploration of love. Not only will listeners be taken on an emotional ride through one mother's reckoning with her own past and her family's future, but they will also be given the tools with which to better understand their own life histories and their relationships today.

Praise for Strange Situation:

“A fascinating deep dive into attachment theory.... Carefully researched and with copious endnotes, this is an excellent resource for anyone interested in child development.” (Publishers Weekly)

“Honest and complex.... A thoughtful engagement with a topic that affects all parents.” (Kirkus Reviews)

©2020 Bethany Saltman (P)2020 Random House Audio
Biographies & Memoirs Gender Studies Meditation Parenting & Families Relationships
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What the critics say

“In this searingly honest, brazenly fresh, and startlingly rich book, Bethany Saltman plunders her autobiography for insights about attachment and brilliantly connects them to the work of Mary Ainsworth and other thinkers in the field. By personalizing the story of attachment in relation to both her family of origin and the one she created, Saltman creates a compelling narrative arc that turns up insight after insight. This book about attachment is the story of how we learn love, both early in our lives and later on. It is a profound and beautiful work.” (Andrew Solomon, National Book Award-winning author of The Noonday Demon and Far from the Tree)

Strange Situation is a beautiful exploration of what makes us human - our relationships. By artfully weaving together her own experiences as a mother, daughter, and wife with the science of attachment and the fascinating life history of one of its founders, Mary Ainsworth, Saltman helps us to see ourselves - and our relationships with those we love - in an entirely new way.” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times best-selling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)

“Brilliant, brutally honest, and ultimately redemptive, Bethany Saltman’s powerful and meticulous new book, Strange Situation, made me see my own childhood and my own parenting in a fascinating new light. This book flooded me with emotions and questions, but unfolded like an epic drama. I couldn’t put it down.” (Amy Chua, best-selling author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and Political Tribes: Group Instinct and the Fate of Nations)

What listeners say about Strange Situation

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Amazing story and so much accessible information!

I absolutely loved reading this book. As a person who has been drawn to attachment theory intuitively in my parenting journey, I’ve appreciated having a friend share her journey. At least, that’s how Bethany’s writing has felt to me. It's got loads of deep thinking and introspection and has brought “attachment parenting” back to me. Thank you Bethany for this beautiful book. I’m sure I’ll return to it again.

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Very Relatable, Very Interesting

I loved the narrators voice, and the mix of scientific research and personal experience/memoir was very compelling. I felt like I was reading my own journal, at times. I studied psychology at University, and much like the writer, became obsessed with the theory of attachment. I later became a mother, and just like the author, was filled with self doubt, constantly imagining how my daughter and I would fare if faced with the “strange situation”. The author did what I always dreamed of doing, which was to take a deep dive into the research and actually find out about her attachment to her own mother and daughter. I became very emotional at times while listening, and found it all too relatable. I’m amazed that a book like this exists.

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