It’s always been a thing, the gag joke gift Pontus Andreassen’s so-called friends present him with for Valentine’s Day. Not that people care much about Valentine’s Day in Denmark these days, and anyway, all of them are now grown up and sensible and mature and… adult.

Pontus hates that word. He hates it almost as much as he hates going out and meeting other human beings and engaging in socialising, conversation and mutual masturbation.

Until the day he gets gifted a cleaner, and his quiet Friday turns into the Valentine’s date from hell.

Louis Ramsdahl-Soto’s grandmother would probably have whipped his third-generation Chilean immigrant arse if she knew that he has turned her famous recipe for Pastel de Choclo into some Scandinavian vegan delicacy. She would have whipped his arse for a lot of things, he knows that. The problem is that Louis seems to lack that vital gene to get his life in order. Instead he has moved back home to his parents and started up his own company, which is going well, if only his clients would remember to pay him, and if he could sometimes remember to put his meagre earnings in the bank.

He’s a little bit of a disaster, but at least he’s good at what he does. Until he meets Pontus Andreassen.

Now re-edited and refreshed for 2023!