Episodes

  • Equalizing the Spiritual Ego and Embracing Developmental Diversity

    Equalizing the Spiritual Ego and Embracing Developmental Diversity
    Oct 3 2024
    In the world of personal growth, we often focus on eliminating what we consider "negative" parts of ourselves. We think if our ego shows up differently each day, something must be wrong. But development isn't linear, and we all host multiple ego states that serve unique purposes depending on our circumstances. This is especially clear through the lens of developmental psychology, particularly models like the Stages model and Spiral Dynamics.Both theories shed light on our evolving selves: Spiral Dynamics frames development within a collective and anthropological context, while the Stages model focuses on individual growth through different perspectives. If you’re familiar with both, you probably understand the complexity of ego states we navigate daily. And while it may seem overwhelming to honor all these inner voices, recognizing their purpose allows us to ease internal conflict.Why We Should Embrace Multiple Ego StatesFrom childhood to adulthood, we develop different "voices" that align with our growth stages. These perspectives aren’t inherently harmful—what causes discomfort is often our relationship with these internal voices. If you’ve ever felt like a younger part of you is “getting in the way” of your growth, you’re not alone. It’s tempting to elevate the more advanced, spiritual ego state and disregard the rest. But each stage, from the childlike first-person view to the more complex fourth-person understanding, plays a vital role in our psychological development.Take, for example, the early stages of our lives, where we operate in the first-person perspective. As toddlers, the world is ours for the taking. We’re driven by pure instinct and need, and we don’t yet recognize that others have desires separate from our own. As we move into the second-person perspective, friendships emerge, and with them, the desire to understand how others see us. This relational view is essential for developing empathy and social navigation, but it also introduces conformity, often at the cost of authenticity.By the time we reach the third and fourth-person perspectives, we’re balancing individual desires with the larger societal framework, understanding that we’re part of a collective. The ego state becomes even more complex as we develop ideals for how the world should be. It’s at this point that the spiritual ego can begin to take root.The Rise of the Spiritual EgoAt advanced stages, the spiritual ego often emerges as the “enlightened” voice, tempting us to place it above all others. We may feel that because we’ve accessed deeper awareness, we’ve somehow transcended our earlier, more “primitive” ego states. But this belief is precisely where spiritual elitism sneaks in. We fall into the trap of believing that the spiritual ego is the “correct” or “higher” self while disregarding the importance of earlier ego states.The truth is, all of these voices—whether the toddler who craves attention, the second-person who seeks connection, or the third-person who strives for societal contribution—are valid and necessary parts of the human experience. The spiritual ego is simply another state in the continuum. It doesn’t erase or replace the others.Healing Through Developmental CoachingOne of the biggest revelations in developmental psychology is the importance of integrating all stages of growth. Each perspective offers unique wisdom. The key is to avoid letting any one ego state dominate. This is where developmental coaching becomes so valuable—helping us bring awareness to the various parts of ourselves, understanding their roles, and ultimately, learning to balance them.In my personal coaching and development work, I've found that honoring these different stages requires a combination of empathy, awareness, and strategic action. Whether it’s helping clients navigate early childhood trauma or releasing the hold of the spiritual ego, the process always involves balancing these voices rather than suppressing them.If we’re to fully evolve, we must equalize the spiritual ego and embrace the complexity of our development. Just as you wouldn't silence a child who’s learning to speak, you shouldn’t disregard the earlier stages of your growth. Every part of you has something valuable to contribute to your life's journey.As you move forward in your own development, remember: that growth is not about elevating one part of you above the others. It’s about weaving them all into a cohesive and dynamic self. When we learn to embrace and respect all parts of ourselves, we can experience true liberation.I’d love to hear your thoughts—have you noticed your spiritual ego showing up in unexpected ways? What developmental stages have you struggled to integrate? Feel free to share your experience!I want you to consider supporting this publication by becoming a premium member. This helps keep the lights on as we catch up on some bills we’ve fallen behind during tough ...
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    52 mins
  • I'm Asking for Financial Help and a Whole Lot About Releasing Moral Superiority

    I'm Asking for Financial Help and a Whole Lot About Releasing Moral Superiority
    Oct 2 2024
    Today, I want to talk about something deeply personal, and something that I feel compelled to release—my relationship with moral superiority. It’s a topic that’s been occupying my mind for a while now, and it feels like the right moment to dive into it, especially since this reflection ties into asking for something that doesn’t come easily to me: help.For a long time, I’ve struggled with the idea of surrender, particularly the kind of surrender that feels like giving up or being defeated. But lately, I’ve been realizing that surrender doesn’t have to mean defeat. It can be about trust—trusting in a process, in something bigger than myself. It can also be about asking for help, something that challenges my instinct to handle everything on my own.The Weight of Moral SuperiorityMoral superiority has been a recurring theme in my life. I’ve found myself struggling with the feeling of needing to be "better" or "right" in certain situations, often triggered by those who seem to hold a rigid moral high ground. I’ve noticed this in my reactions to figures like Jordan Peterson or in my past prejudices, particularly toward religious middle-class individuals. There’s something in their perceived certainty that rubs me the wrong way, probably because I recognize those tendencies in myself.It wasn’t until recently that I began to acknowledge this as a projection—something that I have inside but haven’t fully processed. Growing up, I was quite rebellious, fighting against the religious teachings that surrounded me. I felt morally superior for questioning and rejecting the norms. That teenage zealot in me wanted to fight everything I thought was wrong with the world. Somewhere along the way, though, I buried that side of myself, playing along to fit in with society, only for that moral superiority to resurface later in life in subtler ways.Releasing the Need to Be "Right"This brings me to the heart of my current work—letting go of that need to be morally superior, which is really just a defense mechanism, a response to fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of being judged, fear of rejection. It’s a pattern that keeps me stuck in judgment and isolation, making it harder to truly connect with others.One of the toughest things I’ve had to confront is the realization that my moral superiority has caused harm in my relationships. I can trace it back to my previous marriage, where I often acted out of a place of righteousness rather than compassion. That’s a wound I’m still working through, and it’s something I’m committed to being more conscious of.Asking for HelpAnd now, in the spirit of surrender, I find myself in a situation where I need to ask for financial help. It’s not easy, but the reality is, I’m in a tough spot. Between back taxes, child support, and rent, it’s been a challenging year. I’ve applied for jobs and freelance gigs but haven’t had much luck. So, I’m reaching out to you—my listeners and readers—because I need your support.If you’ve found value in the work I do, whether it’s through my podcast, courses, or writings, I would greatly appreciate any help you can provide. There are a few ways to do this. You can check out my course The Wisdom of the Three Centers on Udemy, which explores the head, heart, and gut centers and how to use them to make more aligned decisions in life. Or, you can become a premium subscriber on Substack, where I plan to offer more premium content in the future. If you prefer a simpler route, I also have a Patreon, where your contributions directly support my ongoing work.What Surrender Looks Like NowAsking for help has felt like prostration—a deep bow to the universe, trusting that something will come through. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, a mix of vulnerability and faith. But maybe that’s the point. Surrendering doesn’t mean giving up; it means opening up. It means letting go of control, of needing to know the outcome, and allowing others to step in.Through this process, I’ve also had to wrestle with rejection. Recently, I was turned down for a job I felt ready for, and it hit hard. But I’m learning to reframe rejection as an opportunity to grow, to keep trying new things, and to push forward in ways that align with who I am and what I care about. That’s the work I’m committed to—finding ways to serve, to grow, and to share what I learn with you.Moving ForwardAs I continue this journey, I’ll be exploring how to release the patterns that no longer serve me—moral superiority being a big one. But I also want to be of service to you, to create content that resonates with where you are in your own growth. I’m working on offering more podcasts, courses, and spaces where we can connect and share these experiences. If any of this speaks to you, I invite you to reach out, leave a comment, or share your thoughts. Your support—whether through listening, contributing, or simply engaging—means the world to ...
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    48 mins
  • Rediscovering Faith: Whether You're In or Out of Religion (and the Trap of the Spiritual Ego)

    Rediscovering Faith: Whether You're In or Out of Religion (and the Trap of the Spiritual Ego)
    Oct 1 2024
    Faith is a word loaded with meaning. For some, it evokes images of religious devotion—rituals, prayers, and sacred texts. For others, especially atheists or non-theists, it might feel like a distant concept, tied too closely to religion to be useful. But what if faith is more than belief in a higher power or adherence to religious doctrine? What if faith is something we all need, regardless of our spiritual orientation?Whether you’re deeply religious or firmly non-religious, faith plays a critical role in how we navigate life. And yet, many people—especially those who believe they are walking in faith—may not realize they’re lacking it. In contrast, others who identify as non-theists might unknowingly be grappling with the same issue from a different angle. This is where faith in existence, as opposed to faith in faith, becomes a transformative idea.Faith in Faith vs. Faith in ExistenceMany of us, consciously or unconsciously, place our faith in faith itself. We believe that if we think or pray hard enough, things will go our way. We wait for miracles, hoping that simply maintaining "faith" will be enough to change our circumstances. But this form of faith, while comforting, can often lead us astray. It keeps us passive, waiting for external forces to step in and save us.On the other hand, faith in existence—or faith in life itself—requires something more from us. It’s not about hoping things will go our way; it’s about trusting that life is unfolding as it needs to, even if we can’t always see why. This form of faith invites us to participate in the process of life actively. It doesn’t ask us to sit back and wait for divine intervention. Instead, it asks us to recognize the opportunities around us and act on them, understanding that we are co-creators in whatever comes next.This is a faith that transcends religion. Whether you believe in a god, a universal force, or simply the flow of life, faith in existence means trusting that you’re a part of something bigger, even if that something isn’t neatly defined by spiritual or religious terms.The Spiritual Ego: A Subtle TrapOne of the most challenging obstacles to true faith—whether religious or spiritual—is the trap of the spiritual ego. The spiritual ego disguises itself as wisdom and enlightenment, but it’s just another form of ego, obsessed with control and self-importance.For religious people, this can manifest as a kind of spiritual superiority—believing that your faith makes you more righteous or morally correct than others. For non-theists, it can take the form of intellectual superiority—assuming that being "above" religion gives you a clearer, more rational perspective. In either case, the spiritual ego blinds us to the reality of our own limitations and keeps us from experiencing the fullness of faith.When we’re caught in the trap of the spiritual ego, faith becomes something performative. It’s not about surrendering to life’s unfolding; it’s about proving that we are right. Whether we’re trying to prove that our religious faith will save us, or that our rejection of faith makes us stronger, we’re missing the point. True faith—faith in existence—requires humility. It asks us to let go of the need to control or to be right and to trust instead in the process, even when it’s uncomfortable or uncertain.Faith Without CertaintyOne of the greatest challenges of faith, especially for those who don’t identify as religious, is accepting uncertainty. Many religious doctrines provide answers, even if those answers don’t always make sense. But for non-theists or those deconstructing their religious backgrounds, there can be a temptation to seek certainty in the form of skepticism or cynicism.True faith, however, isn’t about certainty. It’s not about knowing that everything will turn out okay. It’s about trusting that whatever happens, you will have the resilience, wisdom, and strength to navigate it. It’s about participating in life as it unfolds, without trying to control every outcome.This kind of faith doesn’t require belief in God or adherence to a particular doctrine. It requires belief in yourself and the understanding that you are part of a larger, interconnected system—whether that’s the universe, nature, or the intricate web of human experience.How to Rediscover Faith in Your Life* Recognize Where You’ve Placed Your FaithTake a moment to reflect on where you’re placing your faith. Are you passively waiting for something external to change your circumstances? Are you trapped in the idea that if you just pray or think hard enough, things will shift? Or are you actively participating in your life, trusting that you can shape your reality through your actions?* Examine the Role of EgoIt’s easy to mistake spiritual or intellectual superiority for enlightenment. Check in with yourself. Are you using your beliefs—whether religious or non-religious—as a way to feel superior ...
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    54 mins
  • Releasing the Victim Complex

    Releasing the Victim Complex
    Sep 30 2024
    Releasing the Victim ComplexI've been on quite the journey lately, diving deep into the waters of victim consciousness and narcissism. It’s been the lens through which I’ve viewed everything recently, not just in others but within myself too. It’s one of those topics that becomes clearer the more you explore it — because the more you see it in yourself, the more you see it in others. And let me tell you, it’s everywhere.We often think of narcissism and victimhood as opposites, but they’re not. They’re actually two sides of the same coin, both deeply rooted in the same foundation: a superiority complex. It sounds counterintuitive, I know. We think of the narcissist as someone who inflates themselves, and the victim as someone who shrinks. But when life is always happening to you, when everything feels like an affront or a problem, you’re actually putting yourself at the center of the universe. That’s what makes it a superiority complex — it’s a separation from humanity, from the collective experience.The Victim Complex UnveiledVictim consciousness isn’t the same as being a victim in a specific moment. We’ve all been there. Something happens, we lose a game, we miss an opportunity, we get knocked down — in those moments, we can adopt a temporary victim mindset. But what I’m talking about is something much deeper. It’s the ongoing narrative where everything that happens is to you. The game of life isn’t fair, you’re always behind, and you’re carrying the weight of that disappointment constantly.What’s interesting, though, is that this mindset often hides behind a facade of feeling special. It’s not about uniqueness — we all have that in spades — it’s about feeling like you deserve more, or that life is unjust because it hasn’t given you what you believe you’re owed. Whether it's the victim complex or narcissism, it's all a form of specialness.The narcissist avoids vulnerability, pushing down any acknowledgment of being hurt or victimized. Instead, they inflate themselves to escape from it. The victim, on the other hand, leans into that hurt and uses it to justify why life hasn’t gone their way. Both are different manifestations of the same thing: avoiding shame.The Shame SpiralShame is at the heart of it all. That’s what’s driving both the narcissist and the victim. They’re just expressing it in opposite ways. The victim says, “Look at what’s happened to me, I deserve sympathy.” The narcissist says, “Nothing bad has ever happened to me, I’m stronger than all of this.” But really, both are ways of avoiding shame, and shame is a hell of a drug. It convinces you that you’re unworthy of love, that you don’t deserve connection, and it drives you further into isolation.Releasing the victim complex isn’t easy work — it’s heavy, it’s emotional, and it’s something that requires real honesty with yourself. And sometimes, it requires help. I’m a coach, but even I know that this kind of work sometimes needs a clinical trauma specialist to guide you through it.Letting Go: A Process, Not a DestinationLetting go of the victim complex is about more than just realizing you’re stuck in a cycle — it’s about taking steps to move beyond it. But before you can move forward, you have to sit with the weight of it. You have to acknowledge that it’s there, that you’re carrying it, and that it’s shaped the way you see the world. That’s step one.Step two? Sadness. Feeling sadness is very different from feeling shame. Shame says, “I’m broken, I’m wrong, I’m not worthy.” Sadness, on the other hand, is about recognizing what you’ve lost, what you’ve missed, and what’s happened to you without attaching yourself to it. It’s the release of that pressure valve, the act of saying, “Yes, this happened, and I’m allowed to feel it, but it doesn’t define me.”This isn’t about bypassing or ignoring what’s happened — quite the opposite. It’s about letting yourself feel the emotions that arise from acknowledging those difficult experiences without letting them consume your identity. Let yourself feel sad. Let yourself feel grief for the things you’ve carried. But don’t let them become the whole story.Gratitude and Humility: The AntidotesOne of the biggest antidotes to the victim complex is gratitude. And I don’t mean the kind of false gratitude that entrepreneurs preach about — the whole “grind harder and be thankful” thing. That’s not it. True gratitude is about being present with what is. It’s about enjoying the moment, whether it’s a sip of water, a walk outside, or a conversation with a friend.Humility goes hand in hand with gratitude. It’s the realization that the world doesn’t revolve around you. And that’s a good thing. There’s a freedom in recognizing that we’re all playing this messy game together, and you’re just one player among many. It’s not about winning life; it’s ...
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    52 mins
  • Healing the Gender Divide: Liberating from Helplessness and Narcissism for Future Generations

    Healing the Gender Divide: Liberating from Helplessness and Narcissism for Future Generations
    Sep 5 2024
    Show Notes:* Exploring how narcissism and victimhood dynamics impact gender relations and future generations* Understanding the psychological roots of narcissism and helplessness* Healing narcissism to foster healthier relationships between men and women* The generational impact of unresolved trauma and narcissism* How self-love can break the cycle and support the development of conscious, healthy children* Bridging the gender and political divide with compassion and understanding* Reach out to me for coaching support to explore how these dynamics may be affecting you and your relationshipsIn this episode, we delve deep into a topic that affects not only our personal relationships but also the future of our children and society as a whole: healing narcissism and helplessness. Narcissism, often fueled by deep-rooted trauma and shame, isn't just an individual issue—it’s a psychological pattern that, if left unresolved, gets passed on from generation to generation. In particular, we look at how these patterns create and perpetuate the gender divide, which has become increasingly pronounced and reflective of the political divide as well.Narcissism, Helplessness, and the Gender DivideOne of the most compelling aspects of this conversation is how the dynamics of narcissism and victimhood tend to play out in gendered ways. Men are often labeled as narcissists—seen as controlling, emotionally unavailable, or manipulative—while women may fall into the victim role, struggling to set boundaries and feeling powerless in relationships. Yet, both sides of this dynamic stem from deep psychological wounds, which need healing not just for the individuals involved but for society as a whole.Narcissism isn't just a personality flaw; it’s a defense mechanism born from childhood trauma, often in homes where a parent was abusive or emotionally unavailable. The narcissist, unable to express their emotional needs openly, learns to manipulate others to get what they need, while those on the receiving end (often women in these gendered dynamics) may fall into patterns of helplessness, believing they have no control over their circumstances. This creates a codependent cycle that not only harms relationships but also influences how future generations understand love, boundaries, and emotional expression.Breaking the Cycle for Future GenerationsWhat makes this conversation so critical is the generational impact of unresolved narcissistic patterns. When parents model unhealthy relationships, whether through narcissistic control or victim helplessness, children absorb these behaviors, often carrying them into their own adult lives. It becomes a psychological genetic disease, passed down from one generation to the next. Healing these patterns is not just about improving our own lives—it’s about ensuring the emotional health of our children and future generations.When we break free from narcissistic patterns, we not only heal ourselves, but we also create healthier environments for the next generation. Children raised in homes where boundaries are respected, emotions are expressed healthily, and love is unconditional grow into adults who are emotionally secure and capable of forming healthy, balanced relationships. This is the ripple effect of healing narcissism: it’s not just about us, it’s about the legacy we leave behind.Bridging the Gender and Political DivideThe gender divide in relationships often mirrors the larger political divide we see in society. In many cases, these divisions are exacerbated by the same underlying psychological patterns: one group feels marginalized or powerless, while the other seeks control or dominance. By healing narcissism and the helplessness that often accompanies it, we can begin to bridge these gaps—not just between men and women, but across political lines as well.As someone whose Gene Keys vocation and culture spheres are both Line 4, my focus is on bridging these divides within communities. I believe that healing our relationships—especially the complex dynamics between men and women—can create a ripple effect that spreads into our broader communities, fostering compassion, understanding, and unity. By approaching narcissism with love and compassion, we not only heal ourselves but also help to create a more balanced, conscious society.The Path Forward: Self-Love and CompassionAt the heart of healing narcissism is the discovery of true self-love. Narcissists, often disconnected from their true selves, project a forced version of self-love that is protective and fragile. Meanwhile, their victims may undervalue themselves, absorbing the narcissist’s manipulative behaviors and feeling unworthy of love. The true path to healing is through self-love that is rooted in compassion, not just for oneself but for others.Setting compassionate boundaries—rather than using anger, fear, or blame—allows both sides of this dynamic to heal. When we stop engaging in the drama triangle...
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    1 hr and 3 mins
  • You're Not Special (And Why That’s Good for Mental Health)

    You're Not Special (And Why That’s Good for Mental Health)
    Sep 1 2024
    In today’s fast-paced world, feelings of loneliness and isolation are more common than ever. But what if your loneliness is rooted in the very idea that you’re “special”? In this article, we dive into the connection between narcissism, victimhood, and complex trauma, uncovering how shame spirals keep you trapped in cycles of self-sabotage. If you’ve ever felt alone, stuck, or consumed by shame, this might just be the key to understanding why.The Narcissism-Victimhood Paradox: Why You’re Not SpecialAt first glance, narcissism and victimhood seem like opposites. However, both are tied to a deep sense of self-focus that stems from trauma. When someone has experienced significant shame or rejection, they may develop a superiority complex or a persistent sense of victimhood. This isn’t about ego—it’s a defense mechanism born out of trauma. As we fixate on our pain, we reinforce the idea that we’re “special,” that our suffering is unique. But this kind of self-focus leads to feelings of isolation.Shame Spirals and Self-Sabotage: How Trauma Fuels LonelinessShame is at the core of the narcissism-victimhood paradox. When unresolved trauma and shame go unchecked, they fuel a cycle of self-sabotage and loneliness. According to trauma expert Tim Fletcher, individuals caught in shame spirals often push others away—consciously or subconsciously—as a way to protect themselves from further hurt. But this self-protective behavior only deepens the isolation. The more we withdraw, the lonelier we feel.The Need for Deep Rest and the Desire to EscapeOne of the hidden effects of trauma and shame is a deep longing for rest. This isn’t just about physical rest—it’s about emotional and psychological rest, the kind that comes from feeling safe, supported, and cared for. Spiritual teacher Amoda Maa introduced the concept of deep rest as the ultimate release of mental chatter. I’ve connected this idea to how suicidal ideation often stems from this need for rest. We become trapped in a cycle of hyper-vigilance, self-criticism, and shame. The solution lies in finding ways to experience true rest by allowing others to care for us and releasing the belief that we must always carry the weight alone.Loneliness, Narcissism, and the Drama TriangleLoneliness often stems from the roles we play in what psychologists call the "drama triangle." The victim, the rescuer, and the persecutor are all roles that keep us trapped in codependent relationships and self-sabotage. The victim role, in particular, often feeds into the narcissism-victimhood paradox, where we overvalue or undervalue ourselves, pushing others away and deepening our isolation.Breaking Free: Rebalancing Your NeedsFletcher’s concept of the "12 Needs" provides a helpful framework for understanding the roots of addiction, loneliness, and shame. Often, when one need—such as relational support—is unmet, we overcompensate by fulfilling another need excessively, such as seeking out addictive behaviors. For example, if you lack close relationships, you might turn to addictive pleasures like excessive screen time or overworking, all in an attempt to fill the void.The key to overcoming this is recognizing and rebalancing these needs. By addressing what’s truly missing—whether it's connection, purpose, or support—you can begin to escape the narcissism-victimhood trap and find your way out of loneliness.The Power of Letting Go: You’re Unique, But You’re Not SpecialOne of the most powerful realizations in this journey is understanding that, while you are unique, you’re not "special." This concept may seem harsh at first, but it’s incredibly freeing. Letting go of the need to be "special" allows you to step out of the shame and self-focus that keeps you isolated. Recognizing that others share similar struggles can create the connection you need to heal.Practical Steps for Overcoming Shame and Loneliness* Embrace Your Uniqueness: You don’t have to be special to be worthy of love and connection. Accepting that you are part of the shared human experience can ease feelings of isolation.* Find Rest Through Connection: True rest comes from feeling safe and cared for. Allow others to help you, and don’t be afraid to ask for support.* Rebalance Your Needs: Address areas of your life where needs are unmet. Seek connection, creativity, and purpose to counterbalance addictive tendencies.* Break the Shame Cycle: Shame spirals keep you stuck. Focus on self-compassion and avoid self-sabotage by letting go of unrealistic expectations.* Move Beyond the Diagnostic Spiral: Constantly diagnosing your symptoms (whether mental or physical) can trap you in a cycle of anxiety. Seek professional guidance and stop relying on endless self-analysis.Final Thoughts: The Path to HealingBreaking free from loneliness and the narcissism-victimhood paradox isn’t easy, but it is possible. By letting go of the need to be special and rebalancing your needs, you can ...
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    52 mins
  • Avatars & Archetypes: Evolving Jung's Concepts on Persona and Anima/Animus to Find Your Whole Self

    Avatars & Archetypes: Evolving Jung's Concepts on Persona and Anima/Animus to Find Your Whole Self
    Aug 8 2024
    Something I love about wrestling is that it creates this ability to look at a character, a person, and especially as a younger person, see yourself in that character. There are different personalities, expressions, stories, presentations, body types, colors that represent the person, pyro, theme music, and styles of wrestling - grapplers, brawlers, high flyers, agile people, ground and pound, etc. There are so many different types of characters that someone can go to a show and resonate with.When I took my kids to a wrestling show, my stepson in particular was really excited to basically try on every single character that came out. He saw them doing some sort of symbol or gesture or hand movement and he just tried them on, kept "putting on outfits to see what fit him." I recognized in myself the ability to do that when I was a kid - with video game characters, people on TV shows and movies. There's this exploration of "what do I resonate with?" This comes through sports too, seeing someone performing at a high level and aspiring to be like them.This exploration of avatars and archetypes is something we often go through as kids, to see what's possible for us and try on these different characters to see who we want to become. In a lot of ways, this is represented through the earlier gods and goddess archetypes - Egyptian, Greek, Mayan - that manifest today in things like wrestling, the Olympics, and even politics. They represent these energies that people aspire to, for better or worse. It may not be the person in its entirety, but just their look, the way they speak, stand or present themselves.This leads to the Jungian concept of persona - we're often trying to choose and look at avatars to develop a persona. Becoming an avatar is essentially like connecting ourselves to the person, idea, or character that we're resonating with. Whether or not that matches up to our actual physicality or capabilities, that's work to be done later to reconcile what we connect ourselves to relate to who we expected ourselves to be.In a lot of ways during this time, we're developing who we expect ourselves to be - whether we want to become a "big strong boy" or a "nurturing feminine woman." But in this day and age, it's so much more nuanced and complex than anything ever documented before, especially in terms of masculinity and femininity. Being a man doesn't necessarily mean going out and chopping wood and building a log cabin - it may mean being a software engineer with more traditionally feminine qualities in terms of personal relationships.The challenge comes when that persona gets used for everything - it becomes a hammer and all the world's a nail. If you want to become a wrestler and take that attitude to everything in your life, you might have trouble with your relationships or going to the DMV. The flexibility of persona comes later through doing "shadow work" - exploring the parts of ourselves we've repressed or hidden away.Jung saw the self as having different layers - the ego, the persona, the shadow, the anima/animus (the animating force), and the collective unconscious. The persona is the interface between ourselves and the outer world, the ego is the interface between the self and the persona, and the shadow is everything that gets filtered out. The anima/animus is the animating force, the soul or spirit that makes us alive.Having an animated force, a soul, protects us from the complicated, timeless, boundless inner world that can feel treacherous if we fully submit to it. Traditionally, the anima/animus has been seen as the opposite of the persona - men want to be men, women want to be women. But today, it's much more nuanced and complex.The challenge when we're younger is that we must do all this filtering and develop a rigid persona. But as we grow, we need to expand that self and allow the ego and shadow to be partners rather than just protective forces. We need to be willing to tap into parts of ourselves we've repressed or hidden away, to discover our true, animating soul.This is my work now - pulling forward aspects of myself that I've long repressed, like my emotionality and spiritual side. I want to bring a look and a persona representing more of the fullness of what I truly am, not just who I feel I'm supposed to be. It's about agency, choice, and letting the self be in control, not the rigid ego.Approaching this kind of inner work with curiosity and not judgment is key. It's about discovery, not forcing ourselves to be something completely different overnight. By approaching ourselves with grace and hope, we can find our true, animating soul and live more authentically.I hope this exploration of avatars, archetypes, and the layers of the self resonates with you. Let me know your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. And if you'd like to support this ongoing work, consider becoming a premium member. Get full access to DOPEamine at dopeamine.substack.com/subscribe
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    34 mins
  • Breaking the Chains of Victim Consciousness: Overcoming Internal Narratives and Embracing The Pressure to Grow

    Breaking the Chains of Victim Consciousness: Overcoming Internal Narratives and Embracing The Pressure to Grow
    Aug 6 2024

    In recent episodes, I've explored the intricate concept of victim consciousness—a mindset that subtly keeps us stuck, preventing growth and self-actualization. While discussing this topic, I delved into the triggers that figures like Jordan Peterson and Elon Musk evoke in me. Not personally knowing them, it's fascinating how their public personas stir something deep within, bringing to light the narratives I've carried for years.

    Victim consciousness is not merely a matter of feeling sorry for oneself; it's a complex psychological dance. It's about recognizing how certain beliefs and stories we've told ourselves over time hold us back. It's an internal narrative where we convince ourselves of our inadequacies, often manifesting as a fear of failure. This fear, in turn, keeps us from pursuing opportunities that could lead to growth and success.

    One striking realization is how this consciousness can create a superiority complex. It's paradoxical but true. The belief that we're not good enough, not lovable, or incapable can be a way of placing ourselves above others—untouchable in our perceived inadequacy. It’s a strange way of shielding ourselves from failure by never attempting to succeed in the first place.

    For instance, I've noticed how I sabotage opportunities to engage in consulting or public speaking. The internal dialogue goes something like this: "You're dyslexic, not academic enough, not good at presentations." These thoughts build a case against me, creating a protective barrier that keeps me from stepping into situations where I might fail. It's a classic case of avoiding competition by convincing myself that I don't need to compete.

    The irony is that this very mindset creates the circumstances I fear the most—stagnation and a lack of growth. By not trying, I prevent myself from failing, but I also prevent myself from succeeding. It's a lazy logic, a trap that keeps one from truly living. I've often reflected on my relationship with competition. While some advocate for community over competition, I believe there's value in healthy competition. It pushes us, tests our skills, and helps us grow.

    The recent Olympic Games are a perfect illustration of this. Watching athletes push their limits, support one another, and celebrate each other's achievements is inspiring. It highlights the beauty of competition—not as a destructive force but as a catalyst for growth. In my journey, avoiding competition has been a way to maintain a sense of superiority. It’s a form of self-protection, a way to avoid being judged or criticized.

    But this mindset has consequences. It limits my potential, keeps me from making meaningful contributions, and prevents me from experiencing the vulnerability that comes with truly putting oneself out there. True vulnerability is not just about emotional openness; it's about risking failure, putting our ego on the line, and challenging our self-constructed narratives.

    As I reflect on these ideas, I recognize the need to transcend these limiting beliefs. It's about letting go of the narratives that keep us stuck and embracing the discomfort that comes with growth. It's about stepping into situations that challenge us, even if it means risking failure. Because, ultimately, the real failure is not trying at all.

    This journey is not just about overcoming victim consciousness; it's about embracing a healthier relationship with ourselves and the world. It's about recognizing the value of competition, the importance of vulnerability, and the necessity of challenging our internal narratives. Only by doing so can we truly grow and live a life of purpose and fulfillment.



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