Hey, Goon Show Lover you might also like our new, original, comedy podcast, EXPERTEASE, where fake experts make up fake facts about real topics. It's funny, silly, kinda smart and kinda dumb, with lots of room for improvised nonsense rather like the Goon Show! Come on over, and take a gander. Here's the link!

First broadcast on December 20, 1955. Script by Spike Milligan. Transcribed by Debby Stark, corrections by Kurt Adkins and Peter Olausson. Additional corrections by thegoonshow.net

http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s06e14_the_greenslade_story

Greenslade:

This is the BBC Light programme.

FX:

[Gasps. Wild applause]

Greenslade:

Encore? Certainly. [Clears throat] This is the BBC Light program.

FX:

[Wild applause]

Seagoon:

Hear that applause, dear listener? It was not for Danny Kaye, not for Fred Lane. No. It was all for a common or garden BBC announcer, Wallace Greenslade. How did he come by this rapturous applause? It is with heavy heart and light kidneys that we tell you...

Greenslade:

The Greenslade Story or...

Sellers:

Winds Light to Variable.

Orchestra:

[Mystery music]

Snagge:

My name is Snagge, John Snagge.

FX:

[Two coins land in a cup]

Snagge:

Thank you Sir Ian. It was June, 19-quifty-qua that the lad, Wallace Greenslade, first came to the BBC seeking refuge from hard work.

FX:

[Typewriter]

Greenslade:

Good morning, Miss, I'm Mr. W. Greenslade.

Receptionist (Female - Sellers):

Oh, yes, you've come for the vacant post of announcer.

Greenslade:

Yes, I have.

Receptionist:

Do take a seat with the other applicants.

Greenslade:

Thank you. I sat down next to a man wearing a brass deerstalker, white cricket boots, and a shredded cardboard wig.

Eccles:

Ha-llo!

Greenslade:

Good morning.

Eccles:

Winds light to variable.

Greenslade:

Pardon?

Eccles:

I said, "Winds light to variable."

Greenslade:

Oh, really.

Eccles:

Yeah. Winds light to variable. I'm practicing, you know.

Greenslade:

Don't tell me you're applying for the post of announcer?

Eccles:

Oh, yeah! And I'll get it too, you'll see! I'm wearing a Cambridge tie!

Greenslade:

You? You were at Cambridge?

Eccles:

Yeah!

Greenslade:

What were you doing there?

Eccles:

Buying a tie.

FX:

[Door opens]

Receptionist:

Mr. Liddell will see you now, Mr. Eccles.

Eccles:

Fine, fine, my good woman. This is it 2,000, £2,000 a year and a pension...

FX:

[Door closes and rapidly opens again]

Sellers:

Get out, you idiot!

Eccles:

Wait a minute, wait a minute! You ain't even heard me speak yet!

Sellers:

We'll write to you.

Eccles:

Well, that's no good, I can't read. Hey! Did you see that? He threw me out! Threw me out, the famous Eccles! He got no respect for the dead, that man! You can all laugh, but he never even let me say "winds light to variant." I'm going to tell my electrocution teacher about that...

FX:

[Door opens]

Receptionist:

Will you come in now, Mr Greenslade?

Greenslade:

Thank you, madam. I was lead into the presence of a BBC official. I took off my shoes and knelt down.

FX:

[Gong sound]

Pompous BBC Official:

Now, Mr Greensleaves, can I... can I hear you say something?

Greenslade:

Certainly....

Hey, Goon Show Lover you might also like our new, original, comedy podcast, EXPERTEASE, where fake experts make up fake facts about real topics. It's funny, silly, kinda smart and kinda dumb, with lots of room for improvised nonsense rather like the Goon Show! Come on over, and take a gander. Here's the link!

The Goon Show is a British radio comedy programme, originally produced and broadcast by the BBC Home Service from 1951 to 1960, with occasional repeats on the BBC Light Programme. The first series, broadcast from 28 May to 20 September 1951, was titled Crazy People; subsequent series had the title The Goon Show.

The show's chief creator and main writer was Spike Milligan, who performed the series alongside Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and (for the first two series) Michael Bentine. The scripts mixed ludicrous plots with surreal humour, puns, catchphrases and an array of bizarre sound effects. There were also light music interludes. Some of the later episodes feature electronic effects devised by the fledgling BBC Radiophonic Workshop, many of which were reused by other shows for decades. Many elements of the show satirised contemporary life in 1950s Britain, parodying aspects of show business, commerce, industry, art, politics, diplomacy, the police, the military, education, class structure, literature and film.

The show was released internationally through the BBC Transcription Services (TS). It aired regularly from the 1950s in Australia, South Africa, New Zealand, India, and Canada, although these TS versions were frequently edited to avoid controversial subjects.  In the United States, NBC began broadcasting the programme on its radio network from the mid-1950s.

Subversive and absurdist, The Goon Show exercised a considerable influence on the development of British and American comedy and popular culture. It was cited as a major influence by the Beatles, the American comedy troupe the Firesign Theatre, and the British comedy troupe Monty Python.

Hey, Goon Show Lover you might also like our new, original, comedy podcast, EXPERTEASE, where fake experts make up fake facts about real topics. It's funny, silly, kinda smart and kinda dumb, with lots of room for improvised nonsense rather like the Goon Show! Come on over, and take a gander. Here's the link!

The Goon Show is a British radio comedy programme, originally produced and broadcast by the BBC Home Service from 1951 to 1960, with occasional repeats on the BBC Light Programme. The first series, broadcast from 28 May to 20 September 1951, was titled Crazy People; subsequent series had the title The Goon Show.

The show's chief creator and main writer was Spike Milligan, who performed the series alongside Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and (for the first two series) Michael Bentine. The scripts mixed ludicrous plots with surreal humour, puns, catchphrases and an array of bizarre sound effects. There were also light music interludes. Some of the later episodes feature electronic effects devised by the fledgling BBC Radiophonic Workshop, many of which were reused by other shows for decades. Many elements of the show satirised contemporary life in 1950s Britain, parodying aspects of show business, commerce, industry, art, politics, diplomacy, the police, the military, education, class structure, literature and film.

The show was released internationally through the BBC Transcription Services (TS). It aired regularly from the 1950s in Australia, South Africa, New Zealand, India, and Canada, although these TS versions were frequently edited to avoid controversial subjects.  In the United States, NBC began broadcasting the programme on its radio network from the mid-1950s.

Subversive and absurdist, The Goon Show exercised a considerable influence on the development of British and American comedy and popular culture. It was cited as a major influence by the Beatles, the American comedy troupe the Firesign Theatre, and the British comedy troupe Monty Python.