Today we’re discussing two questions sent in from a mom, and we suspect that most parents can relate to the first one—how do we deal with the eye rolls, sighs, and other “junk behaviors” that can accompany the tween and teen years? We talk about how frustrating interactions often indicate that our kids have reached a new stage of development and how modeling respect teaches them to understand and express themselves better over time. In the second half, we discuss tips for blending an adoptive or foster child into your family. Author Kelle Hampton joins the conversation as we explore ways to foster healthy communication and help kids feel secure, even amid transition.

In this episode, we’re discussing a question from a mom wondering how to help her husband relate to their tween girl. We talk about dads and daughters and how this question points to an even bigger issue—how parents can respond to kids who feel different from or even difficult to them. Attachment science points us to two mirroring needs—comfort and delight—that we can use to connect to our kids, even when connection feels hard.

Here’s the question—

“My husband has started struggling with his interactions with our almost 13-year-old daughter. He just cannot relate to her emotions, feelings, and experiences anymore. I would love to know how to help him build a better relationship with her, so he does not continue to struggle.”

In this episode, we’re discussing a question about a 13-year-old struggling with anxiety. Fortunately, anxiety is one of the most treatable mental health issues to work with, but doing that takes good information to help us face fear head-on. Social anxiety, in particular, can really take hold between the ages of 12 to 14, and we talk about why that is, what to expect, and ways to respond if you’re concerned. Author Kelle Hampton joins us to explore how to help our kids take charge of anxiety rather than let it control and manage them.

Here’s the question:

"With Covid and the transition into middle school, the past year has been hard on my 13-year-old. He seems to be reluctant to do things he used to enjoy, like getting together with friends or going to soccer practice. I honestly feel stuck, because sometimes when he tells me he doesn’t want to do something because he’s feeling anxious, I wonder if he’s exaggerating and just trying to get out of things. And if, in the long run, it would be better for me to try to force him to participate in activities until he feels more comfortable. As a mom, how should I know when to press in and when to back off. And do you have any advice for how to help a kid who seems paralyzed by his fears and anxiety? Especially when he says he doesn’t want to go to therapy or learn any coping skills. He tells me he just wants to be left alone."