To be a spy is to live in the terrible knowledge that some day, somehow, someone is going to get a bizarre and destructive notion in their head to blow up the sun so that their coal stocks increase in worth or something. Thankfully, the brave men and women of the world’s intelligence agencies train every day for just such occasions, but have you ever wondered how it all gets started? Have you ever wanted to see the making of a classically British gentleman spy? Your answers to those questions may go some way towards predicting how you will respond to Kingsman: The Secret Service, a 2014 spy action movie directed by Matthew Vaughn. Kingsman is, indeed, the story of a young man’s forming into a Bond-esque super spy so he can stop a dastardly plot only slightly less ridiculous than destroying the sun. Kingsman was popular enough to spawn a franchise that is with us to this day, so clearly most people will answer in the affirmative to the aforementioned questions, but what say the hosts of Magellans at the Movies? That’s what we’re here to find out, so slip on your suit and lace up those Oxfords for another suave episode!

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Ah, to be alive in the 2000s. A time when you could enjoy . . . uh . . . roller blading? Look, I won’t lie to you: humanity has had better decades. The 2000s saw the unspeakable tragedy of 9/11, followed by the forever wars in the Middle East that made Vietnam look like a brief spat between friendly neighbors. Still, they continued to make movies during this period of uncertainty and unrest, and at least ten of them were quite good. “Which ten?” I hear you ask. Well that, my dear reader, is the subject of today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies. That’s right, folks, we’re going back to Lord of the Rings, Nolan’s Batman, and much much more as we sift through the entertainment rough in search of a few diamonds. Won’t you come along and join us? No? Drat. Well if you change your mind, you know where to find us!

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Jokes, we all love ‘em! They make us laugh, they make us think, on certain days they can be exchanged for candy, but as every self important comedian will tell you if you're trapped in a conversation with them, jokes can be a vehicle for scathing social criticism in deft hands. In, uh, slightly less deft hands, however, sometimes the best you can hope for is comedy that boils down to an unironic iteration of “We live in a society.” Now despite having the word joke in the title, Todd Philips’ 2019 comic book drama Joker isn't supposed to be funny, but it does boil down to an unironic iteration of "we live in a society". Joker absolutely raked in cash on release, but popularity has always been a poor indicator of quality, as is demonstrated on today's episode of the neither popular nor quality program Magellans at the Movies. Whether your life is a tragedy, a comedy, or an indie, come one come all and start the episode!

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Ghosts. Surely the most logistically puzzling of supernatural fiends, the mechanics of ghosts, their creation and destruction, and their predilection for mostly just knocking stuff off tables or opening and closing doors in grainy camcorder footage are all questions people have asked about our phantasmic friends, but answers remain sparse. Fortunately, when you’re making a movie you can just make stuff up and authenticate it through the fact that you’re telling a fictional story and therefore what you say goes. That’s certainly how M. Night Shyamalan likes to do things, to, uh, let’s say uneven success. We’re not here to talk about Shyamalan’s recent struggles, however, we’re here to talk about The Sixth Sense, a 1999 chiller thriller about a boy and some decidedly unfriendly ghosts, at least initially. The Sixth Sense was so successful on release that it essentially made Shyamalan’s career, and you’d be forgiven for thinking that he’s been trying to recapture the magic ever since. You can see why, though, this movie is tense, dramatic, moving, and boasts of one of the most famous twists in cinematic history, all of which will be discussed at painful length by the brothers Magellan in today’s new episode! If you see dead people, just close your eyes and lend us your ears for all the movie goodness!

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Avatar was made in 2009 by perennially smug not-eur James Cameron and we’re reviewing it. Yay.

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Family. Probably best known for sponsoring the Fast and the Furious movies, family is an important part of many global cultures, so it’s no surprise that it’s an important part of many movies. From the Sawyers to the Parrs, movies are constantly centering groups of people related by blood and bound to each other by love to the delight of audiences everywhere. Of course, family isn’t always chainsaws and superpowers, sometimes it can be a touchy subject for people. That’s why we have movies like The Royal Tenenbaums, a 2001 comedy drama directed by Wes Anderson. The titular Tenenbaums are a dysfunctional collection of big personalities that worked their way into the hearts of critics and moviegoers alike when the film was released and are often considered to represent Anderson’s finest work. What, however, of the moviegoing Magellans? What say they to this quirky, sometimes dark portrait of a family on the brink? That, my dear reader, is the subject of today’s new episode of Magellans at the Movies! Throw on a tracksuit and let’s hit the ground running!

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There’s a reason so many of our most reviled and infamous villains are clowns. The Joker, that one Final Fantasy antagonist, Krusty the Klown, and many other dastardly jesters that plot world mass murder, world domination, or subpar jokes have terrified audiences for years thanks to the simple fact that a man in chalk white makeup embellished by garish reds and greens and a hideous grin is far more likely to give you nightmares than make you laugh. This enduring truth of Villain Design 101 is probably why we have Pennywise, a shapeshifting alien thing that most often takes the form of a demented circus clown. Of course, Pennywise got his/her(read the book)/its start in a novel by Stephen King, but eventually wound up on the screen first in a miniseries and then in 2017’s It, a horror movie directed by Andres Muschietti and based on the book of the same name. It was a smash hit on release, raking in cash by the hundreds of millions of dollars and earning big fat gold stars left and right from critics. Mainstream critics, however, are easy marks, not so for those roguish outsiders over at Magellans at the Movies who, in today’s new episode, turn their discerning gazes to this modern horror classic. Let’s all float into the episode!

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Teenagers. Normally, they're the last demographic you'd want to arm with deadly weapons and a thorough knowledge of martial arts, what with their unstable hormones and abysmal decision making. Now hold on a minute, Boomer, I hear you say. What if the teenagers in question weren't just young folks from the ages of thirteen to nineteen, but a group of mutant turtles age thirteen to nineteen? Why my dear hypothetical reader, in that case I would purchase their weapons myself because then we would have the titular heroes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a 1990 action comedy directed by Steve Barron. This film may not be a beloved classic with general audiences, but it is a mainstay of the Magellans’ childhood, but were they always imbued with the invincible critical eye for talent we all know them to possess today? There's only one way to find out: listen to today's brand-new episode! Cowabunga!

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