I’m going to call BS on something we probably all heard as kids: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

I know we were all taught this rhyme to shut bullies up, but words do matter, and we don’t always appreciate how much.

Especially when they’re coming out of our mouths and we mean well – we truly do – but how they land has the opposite effect.

I’m as guilty of this as anyone. And it took me a really long time to realize how my good intentions could take someone’s confidence down instead of building it up, not just because of what I said, but how I said it and in what context.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’ve zeroed in on five phrases that have the ability to kill our confidence when we hear them, and kill someone else’s when we say them.

These phrases seem benign but even when they’re offered in the spirit of support or helpfulness, can create fear. Fear of failure, regret or rejection – the three fears that really make us all question our confidence.

Listen in to find out what the phrases are, what you can say instead and/or respond confidently when someone says them to you. That way we can all try and be a little more compassionate to ourselves and to other people who do intend well, but don't always have the right words to tell us.

You know those conversations that stick with you long after they’re over? That’s exactly how I felt after chatting with Rich Kirkpatrick on my podcast. We dove deep into the relationship between confidence and creativity—not just the surface-level stuff, but how they can fuel each other.

Because creativity is one of those things that makes a lot of us want to shrink into the background so people won’t find out we don’t have it or what we create is amateurish or awful.

A musician, Rich talked about how during his early days in the music industry, confidence often felt like a façade and how he learned to separate his self-worth from external validation by reframing his self-talk. Instead of asking himself, “Am I good enough?” he began to ask, “What can I learn from this?”

That’s a subtle, common-sense shift, but really does change everything. Suddenly, confidence becomes a journey of growth rather than a destination to reach.

Ultimately, confidence and creativity are intertwined, each nurturing the other. When we believe in our abilities and embrace our authentic selves, we unlock the door to endless creative possibilities.

Key takeaways from this powerful conversation include how:

• Confidence isn’t about being loud or the center of attention; it’s about being grounded in who you are.
• Creativity isn't just for musicians, artists, or chefs—it’s for everyone. If you’re solving problems, you’re creating.
• There are two approaches to creativity he’s noticed, and some of us are “robots” while others are “wizards” (honestly, I bet most of us are a little bit of both).
• Authenticity breeds confidence, which you know I firmly believe, because when you’re true to yourself, you naturally project that energy and people can feel it!

Rich Kirkpatrick is a native of San Jose, California, studied music at The Phil Mattson School, and earned his bachelor’s and master’s from Jessup University. He writes, consults, and speaks about the intersection of creativity, faith and leadership. His book, MINDBLOWN: Unlock Your Creative Genius by Bridging Science and Magic (2022), deconstructs creativity and the creative process. To learn more about Rich, visit RKblog.com.

We often think confidence comes from trusting our instincts, but what if those gut reactions are actually holding us back?

Sometimes, we make snap judgments about people, situations, or even ourselves, without giving things a real chance. And those assumptions can stop us from experiencing real connection, growth, or opportunities.

Take my recent Portugal trip, for example. I met a couple I thought I had nothing in common with—different backgrounds, beliefs, everything. My initial reaction was to dismiss them. But guess what? They ended up becoming close friends.

That experience taught me that confidence isn’t about making fast decisions or sticking to what’s comfortable. It’s about being open, curious, and giving yourself—and others—a chance.

We all have biases, often based on past experiences or fear of looking foolish. But when we question those assumptions, we find out they’re often false. Confidence is about stepping beyond those fear walls, giving new things time to settle, and trusting that the discomfort won’t last forever.

True confidence grows when we stop relying on those quick, fear-based decisions and start being more intentional about the opportunities we let in. So next time, instead of saying “no” right away, ask yourself why. You might be surprised at what you find on the other side.

So if you’re ready to look beneath the surface and make better decisions for yourself, this episode is for you. Tune in, challenge your biases, and let’s grow that confidence together!

Ever catch yourself putting on a brave face or carefully picking which parts of your life to show out of fear of ridicule or rejection? This “hiding” behavior is something we all do to varying degrees depending on vulnerabilities and the fear that drives it, isn’t protecting us as much as we want to believe. In fact, “hiding” can really mess with our personal growth and stand in the way of forging real connections with others.

So, when I had the chance to talk with Ruth Rathblott—TEDx speaker, former CEO, and a powerhouse advocate for inclusion—about this concept of “unhiding”, I jumped at the chance because as terrifying as it sounds, you know that self-liberation is waiting for you on the other side.

For Ruth, her “hiding” came in the form of drawing attention away from having a limb difference that makes navigating a world where disability is often overlooked in conversations a real challenge. For you, it may be choosing to keep any trauma, personal, financial or other emotionally-charged struggles under wraps.

Our caveman brains tell us that “hiding” protects us, keeps us safe within the tribe, but in the modern world this behavior is a form of self-isolation, which is the opposite of the authentic connect we think we’re trying to protect.

Ruth and I get into all of this more during our conversation. Highlights from our time together include:

• The universal nature of hiding and its impact on mental and physical health
• How to take the reins away from your insecurities and own your personal narrative
• The ways vulnerability connect us and lead to deeper, more meaningful interactions; and
• Ruth’s four-step framework for overcoming your own tendency to hide

Ruth Rathblott’s experiences and advice offer valuable lessons on embracing one’s full identity and fostering genuine belonging. I’m excited for you to hear our conversation and learn from Ruth’s journey and insights. For more on Ruth and her work, visit RuthRathblott.com and connect with her on LinkedIn.

Let’s talk about something that we all grapple with but don’t always acknowledge—control.

Yeah, that word might hit you in different ways depending on how you see it. For some, control sounds like a bad thing, a power trip, or even manipulation. But for others, it's a way to bring order, efficiency, and clarity into their lives.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, especially after someone once called me a “control freak.” I was offended, and I bet you would be too. But the more I dug into it, the more I realized control isn’t all bad. In fact, it’s something we all do, whether we like to admit it or not. And guess what? It can be a force for good, not just for us, but for the people around us.

Imagine walking into a restaurant and being genuinely nice to your server. What happens? They’re likely to respond with the same kindness, right? In that moment, you're controlling the interaction in a positive way. It’s not manipulative; it’s human nature.

The way we act can directly influence how others behave. That’s control, but it’s also compassion, connection, and confidence in action.

Control isn’t the enemy—it’s a tool— and in this episode of Real Confidence I’m going to show you how it’s a force for good. And when you know how to do that, you’ll want to let your control freak flag fly!

Let me tell you—I just had one of the most eye-opening, liberating conversations with the incredible Mervyn Reid-Nelson, founder of You at Yours, Boudoir & BODY CONFIDENCE Photography studio in London. Our conversation was a wild ride through the world of photography, body image, and how stepping in front of the camera can be a powerful journey toward self-love and confidence.

Merv's approach is unlike anything you've ever heard before. It's not just about snapping pretty pictures; it's about creating an experience that helps you tap into the most authentic version of yourself. We took a deep dive into the psychology behind why photos of ourselves can make us feel so vulnerable and how Merv's unique method flips the script, turning a simple photo session into a life-changing rollercoaster of emotions.

Highlights from our chat include:

• Why the journey of being photographed can be more empowering than the final image itself.
• How Merv helps clients, particularly women, regain confidence in their bodies—sometimes by going completely nude!
• The reasons your most authentic, unposed moments make the best photos (how to channel your true feelings to light up any image)
• Why seeing your photos for the first time can be nerve-wracking; and
• Merv’s expert tips on how to prepare for any photo op by tapping into real emotions—whether you're in front of a professional lens or just snapping a selfie.

This episode left me buzzing with excitement—and maybe even a little nervous energy—because it reminded me that confidence isn't about perfection; it’s about embracing who we are in our most raw, real moments.

Trust me, after listening to this, you might just find yourself booking a flight to do a shoot with Merv—or at least looking at your next headshot session with a brand-new perspective.

Tune in now, and let’s get you feeling photo-fabulous!

Want to learn more about Merv’s work? Find him on Instagram at or visit his website youatyours.com.

We’ve all been there—caught off guard by the presence of someone we perceive as powerful or important, and suddenly feeling small or unsure. Whether it’s a senior leader at work, a celebrity, or even a family member, that sense of intimidation is real. But here’s the kicker: no matter how polished or accomplished they appear, they’re human too. They wake up, get dressed, and face insecurities just like the rest of us. In fact, many of them feel just as nervous in unfamiliar situations as we do. Understanding this can shift your perspective and help you approach these encounters with a bit more confidence.

Often the most accomplished people only within their "zone of competence." Take them out of that comfort zone—maybe into a social setting or a new activity—and they can feel just as nervous as anyone else. The difference? They’ve learned to mask it well. But knowing this can help you realize that confidence isn’t a constant state—it fluctuates based on the situation.

And guess what? That’s totally normal.

But adapting to a situation where you feel not-as-good-as isn’t just about recognizing that everyone else is human; it’s about how you engage with them, too.

In this episode of Real Confidence I share some simple strategies that work wonders to level the perceived playing field and position yourself as someone who’s confident and resourceful. It’s a subtle yet powerful way to build a connection and remind yourself—and them—that just like Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You’re unique, just like everyone else."

I’ve seen this approach work time and time again, and I’m excited to hear how it goes for you. Don’t forget to share your experiences, and let’s continue to bring more confidence into the world, one bold move at a time!

My guest on this episode is Sherianna Boyle, whose work on emotional detox is truly fascinating. It’s a topic I wasn’t super-familiar with before we talked, but her approach – from the spiritual, psychological, and even neurological perspectives – made it easy to understand.

But first off, what exactly is emotional detox?

According to Sherianna, it's all about clearing out the reactions we have to our emotions, kind of like a cleanse for our emotional responses. Instead of removing the emotions themselves, we're focusing on how we react to them.

Patterns of reaction can keep us stuck in a cycle of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm, trapping us in that fight-flight-freeze-freak-out mode.

Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so. Not just because we’ve all been there, but because working with our brains to respond instead of react to confidence kickers is at the heart of my own work.

But how do we know when we need this detox? Whenever we feel constant overwhelm, stress, or like we’re losing control, it’s a sign that it might be time to hit the reset button on our emotional processing.

The best part: emotional detox isn't just about coping with the momentary stress. It's about processing those emotions in a meaningful way. Sherianna has even developed a seven-step process called CLEANSE to help guide you.

In a world saturated with self-help trends and quick fixes, the true power of emotional detox can sometimes get lost in the noise. I’m sharing it with you, so it doesn’t. Because when you can rid yourself of that static, your path to Real Confidence rings loud and clear.

Sherianna Boyle is the author of ten traditionally published books. She is the founder of Emotional Detox Coaching®, creator of the Cleanse Method®, and author of the Emotional Detox book series. Her most recent book, Energy in Action: The Power of Emotions & Intuition to Cultivate Peace and Freedom, is transforming the way we think about and approach manifesting. Her book, The Four Gifts of Anxiety, was endorsed by the National Association of Mental Health. Learn more about Sherianna at sheriannaboyle.com.