Standing in Two Worlds with Doctor Sam Juni cover art

Standing in Two Worlds with Doctor Sam Juni

Standing in Two Worlds with Doctor Sam Juni

Written by: JewishPodcasts.fm
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Summary

 Standing in Two Worlds with Doctor Sam JuniAvramel Kivelevitz Spirituality
Episodes
  • Inyanei Nefoshos-Rav Shmuel Skaist-From Rosh Yeshiva to Credentialed Addiction Therapist

    Inyanei Nefoshos-Rav Shmuel Skaist-From Rosh Yeshiva to Credentialed Addiction Therapist
    Aug 22 2025

    Please click on this link to contribute whatever you can to keep this podcast on the air: https://thechesedfund.com/yeshivaofnewarkpodcast/keeping-the-ark-afloat

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    41 mins
  • Stark Honesty-The initial artifice of courtship must give way to revealing the warts of personality-with Rabbi Shmuel Skaist LPC, CSAT

    Stark Honesty-The initial artifice of courtship must give way to revealing the warts of personality-with Rabbi Shmuel Skaist LPC, CSAT
    Sep 6 2024
    Please click on this link to contribute whateveryou can to keep this podcast on the air: https://thechesedfund.com/yeshivaofnewarkpodcast/keeping-the-ark-afloat With downloads approaching the million mark-andan archival library numbering in the thousands, the Yeshiva of Newark Podcast has been striving to continuously upgrade our content, and professionalize our audio sound, along with altering approaches in light of much appreciated listener feedback. A niche has been carved out that resonates with many on the wide spectrum of Observant Jews. This explains why we continually rank high in independent on-line lists of top Yeshiva podcasts. This proud edifice is in real danger of toppling and disappearing. We need the help of our listeners to continue to record and edit, and to promote a product that has been a balm and instructive to somany. Just 36 dollars, a minimum donation, from a thousand of you out there will keep us afloat as a New Ark of straight, intelligent,and humorous discussion, lectures, debate and inquiry - while thedestructive waters of ignorance and politics crash around us. Episode 80:Lack of Transparency in Marriage & Its Repercussions Rabbis Skaist and Kivelevitz join Prof. Juni in a brainstorming panel discussion about a common source of marital difficulties in traditional orthodox religious culture. R. Kivelevitz describes the initial contrived dating experience as one in which each partner presents deceptively as perfect and in line with prescribed ideals. The discussants agree that this mode is aharbinger of consistent misrepresentations in the future of resulting relationships. R. Skaist notes that the reality of the culture is such thatinitial transparency during dating would inevitably lead the other partner to abort the relationship before it develops. He deplores that mentors in the system explicitly advise those dating to avoid sharing information that might lower their image. Moreover, there is no timeline for the introduction oftransparency into the budding relationship at all. Sharing his experience as a mentor and Dayan (member of a religious court), R. Kivelevitz reports that this situation is a major contributor to sexual and intimacy difficulties in marriages. It is further exacerbated by the dissonance between the self-professed lofty (and unrealistic) views espoused duringthe dating experiences and the reality that most orthodox couples violate the official proscriptions against intimacy during their dating experience to some degree. Markedly, these couples often proceed into a marriage where the discrepancy between ideals and behavior is never discussed. Dr. Juni suggests that many of these difficulties could be avoided if educators and mentors in the system advise transparency during the dating process with the explicit messages that… a) no one’s reality matches the ideal(i.e., everyone has several skeletons in his/her closet); and b) lack of transparency is bound to harm (and possibly explode) any long-term relationship. Thus, it is not a question of “whether”your prospective partner has weaknesses or liabilities (just as you do), but rather “what” those liabilities are. Juni stresses that the Yeshiva culture does not share the Western mental health attitude which values transparency in relationships. Specifically, It is OK to live a positively motivated lie if you can pull it off – be it the fact that you are on certain medications, you watch pornography occasionally, youengage in illegal betting occasionally, or that you have an arrest record. R. Skaist discusses the dynamics of Betrayal Trauma which occurs when one discovers deception that has been perpetrated by a spouse. Noting that thisis seen as a clinical lack of integrity and a devaluation of the other, he stresses that such betrayal is classified as a form of abuse by martial experts. Drawing on his experience with troubled couples, R. Kivelevitz adds that the “perpetrators” of such abuse are often unaware that their past has been problematic, and are surprised when it begins to cause marital strife. What constitutes marital abuse? Juni insists that any consensual behavior is not considered abusive regardless of the values that may be violated. However,difficulties with this criterion, as applied to the orthodox Jewish culture, areraised by the discussants. R. Kivelevitz notes Halachic prescriptions and proscriptions in the areas of sexuality as examples. R. Skaist notes that the culture explicitly calls for the wife’s submission to the husband’s proclivities.R. Kivelevitz also points to “soft coercion” tactics (e.g. manipulation, incessant pleading, inducing guilt trips, etc.) as gray areas in defining abuse. R. Soloveitchik’s treatise on Halachic Courage is discussed, as R. Kivelevitz applies that idea as giving priority to halachic obligations over emotional needs. R. Skaist argues that while such a notion may exist as an ideal one may ...
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    44 mins
  • The Hostage's Permanent Psychological Damage Explained

    The Hostage's Permanent Psychological Damage Explained
    May 24 2024
    Please click on this link to contribute whateveryou can to keep this podcast on the air: https://thechesedfund.com/yeshivaofnewarkpodcast/keeping-the-ark-afloat With downloads approaching the million mark-andan archival library numbering in the thousands, the Yeshiva of Newark Podcast has been striving to continuously upgrade our content, and professionalize our audio sound, along with altering approaches in light of much appreciated listener feedback. A niche has been carved out that resonates with many on the wide spectrum of Observant Jews. This explains why we continually rank high in independent on-line lists of top Yeshiva podcasts. This proud edifice is in real danger of toppling and disappearing. We need the help of our listeners to continue to record and edit, and to promote a product that has been a balm and instructive to somany. Just 36 dollars, a minimum donation, from a thousand of you out there will keep us afloat as a New Ark of straight, intelligent,and humorous discussion, lectures, debate and inquiry - while thedestructive waters of ignorance and politics crash around us. Rehabilitation Challenges of Gaza Hostages and Traumatized Battle Veterans Trauma shakes up the personality and,sometimes, the very essence of its victims. Interpersonal trauma, moreover,often harms the capacity for healthy social and personal relationships which persists long after the traumatic episode. Prof. Juni explains the dynamics of these lasting effects of trauma by noting that the life of an infant is usually construed by the growing child as a very threatening existence fraught with colossal danger, interspersed by facets of ultimate pleasure and safety/security. This fixes the infant into a chronic state of anxiety where the stakes are most extreme. The concomitant behavioral stance of the child devolves into a fight vs. flight modality, as the other is perceived dichotomously as devoted friends vs. ferocious foe, demon vs. and saint vs.devil/angel. As the child develops, behaviors,stances, and attitudes moderate. Gray usurps black vs. white polarities, and extremist percepts are defensively repressed as they recede into the unconscious -- to find expression only in the dreams of older children and adults. Alas, subsequent trauma has the capacity to disrupt the mature defensive ego structure and often results in regression into the original terror-filled world of danger and extreme dichotomy. Juni likens the rehabilitated traumatized soldier or hostage to a recovered alcoholic who might slip right back to full-blown alcoholism – even many years later -- if his/her defensive wall is breached when forced to have “just one drink.” Hostages who experience threat and abuse in close quarters with perpetrators have been noted to exhibit the Stockholm Syndrome. Dr. Juni delineates the hallmarks of this syndrome which prompt somevictims to “side with their captors.” Such dynamics may include identification with the aggressor and acceptance of abuse as justified. Juni agrees with Rabbi Kivelevitz that such a stance may sometimes be psychologically rooted in an effort to minimize the perceived threat one experiences. It is clear that this syndrome will make it difficult for a hostage to adjust functionally to social and family functioning. Rabbi Kivelevitz points out a number of parallels between the reactions of soldiers and hostages to those of holocaust victims (who went on to be prominent political leaders, clergy, and visionaries), arguing that such observed resilience should be expected among traumatized soldiers and hostages. Dr. Juni, while agreeing with the parallel, nonetheless insists that despite the potential for adequate functioning among these groups, there is an underlying intrinsic damage to personality and egostructure which remains as a weak link which may unravel in stressful contexts. Drawing from his clinical work with spousal abuse, Juni shares an additional dynamic specifically relevant to hostages who were forced into sexual intimacy with their captors. In situations of conflation between extreme threat and sexuality, there is apparently abreakdown of specificity in interpersonal relationship functioning whichresults in a positive attachment to the perpetrator. This accounts for the marked difficulty of abused domestic partners to leave their abusers, just as it results in positive affinity of abused hostages toward their traumatizers.Rabbi Kivelevitz points to the Biblical story of Dinah, whom the Midrash describes as adamantly professing her “love” of her abuser, Shechem. Juni mentions a cultural parallel in contemporary Arab culture, citing a recent court case in an Afghani court where an abuse victim sued that her rapist be forced to marry her. Juni discusses a novel manifestation of the Stockholm syndrome he has observed, where family members of killed hostages have become proponents of the perspective of the Hamas perpetrators.Dynamically,...
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    43 mins
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